I wear my heart on my sleeve. This is just who I am. This means:

showing our intimate emotions in an honest and open manner source

It makes me more vulnerable but I believe it is the best way for me to be. I experience so much more in life as a result, I find connection in more places than I believe I would have if I was not for this authentic version of myself.

Some days, however, it is a bane, because through my transparent vulnerability, I do get hurt, and my expression of that pain can be both visible and vocal, and not always well thought out. It can be as simple as having my feelings deeply hurt (ok that isn't simple - actually it's quite a complex thing for me - I'm an overthinker!) or finding myself emotionally challenged by injustice, especially repeated injustice (the kind where you find yourself continuously banging your head against brick walls) - In both cases - I collect more t-shirts!

Sometimes I just want to shut my emotions down and not feel. I think...maybe that would be easier? If I can't feel, I can't get hurt, right? But I don't shut them down... I allow myself to feel it all.

When I experience injustice, I fight back. I don't like that version of me. The version that feels cornered; a snarling trapped animal. I know I have better weaponry at my disposal (read intellect, logic, reasoning, an understanding of the law). And most times I use them well to defend my cause and fight my corner. Sometimes too well... but I always fight fairly.

But, repeatedly test my resolve? ... and you may see a side to me that I do not even like myself.

On those days I could quite easily never wear a freaking t-shirt ever again... the truth of the emotions, the pain and the depths to which I feel forced to reach to succeed in overcoming the challenges confronting me... this has a tendency to throw me off balance. It brings in a low mood whilst I reflect on cause and effect, action and response. I am just grateful that I have Grace (and friends) to support and guide me back.