Just when I think the worst is behind me,
I wake up to yet another nightmare,
Down and out is where I could be,
Worn out and too apathetic to care!
The mind spins in circles bent half with worry,
The head reels and races between yesterdays and tomorrows,
Beauty of the days past left behind,
The future seems bleak with no light in sight!
Is this how I feel?
Is this what I think?
"No not me, not me!," I scream
Tears rush down as I blink.
What if there is no tomorrow,
What if pain is the only future?
What if I cannot overcome,
Would desperation win?
Not if I am in my right mind,
Not if I look back into the not so distant past,
And see the times,
When I've seen the light even when it was overcast!
There is hope, there is a future,
There is love and there is life,
What I have now I need to hold tight,
Believing that I have the power to make things right!
What of friends who have turned foes?
What of those who have become icy cold?
There never was love to begin with, heaven knows!
Open your eyes and the truth behold!
Is life over? Is this the end?
Why would it be so my friend?
Until there is breath, there is hope,
Seek and you'd find it around the bend!
With faith and hope,
And the will to fight,
I can always look ahead,
To a future happy and bright!
Pain is only a part of life,
There is no point in denial and strife,
Taking each day as it comes,
Counting my blessings one by one.
It's easy to fall into the abyss,
Of depression and hopelessness,
Deep into melancholy's pits,
Stand up! Overcome your brokenness!
Life is to be lived to its fullness,
Let those who mock, mock on,
Press on like a solider,
Until victory is yours!
Have you ever wondered if this phase you are going through will ever end? I seem to be doing this a lot lately. My problems started in March last year and since then its been pouring troubles ever since. I have to work really hard to keep my inner peace. What next? This question pops up and in a moment destroys the peace within for which I have worked so diligently.
However, to be honest amidst all these trials there is peace deep down. It's true that I do have moments of worry and anxiety for a while at the strange turn of events but within hours my mind is at rest no matter how tough the news is. This is something I have to be grateful for constantly.
Life really prepares you for the worst I guess. This is in a way a blessing, because you start to count the small joys in life and learn to smile. The power of little things, the power to be able to laugh in the face of worry is a true blessing. A blessing we seem to underestimate so often. I honestly believe it is worth cultivating inner peace, letting go of anxiety and asking yourself , how bad can things get? If so what? Haven't people around me lived through such moments? and happily too at that?
I summon my courage, strengthen that inner resolve which likes to hide like a child, from the fears that eventide brings. The shadows, the eerie and sinister sounds, perhaps of being left alone to deal with the devils of the night. Yet a raggedy, old teddy has the power to cast out those fears.
Doesn't every child grow up and conquer those fears? So why not me? No one has a blue print to the future, none at all. We can hardly predict what could happen to the world with maniacs like Putin, Xi or Kim Jong Un around. We all live in hope, believing in the best. Life is about faith and hope. Let worry rest!
This post is just an expression of what has been going on in my mind over the last two months. There is no relief in sight, but the relief or the peace we seek comes from within. I know its best to dig deep within than to look around for hope.
I hang on believing that this too shall pass!