On returning to visit my mum in the UK, there always has to be a 'holiday within a holiday'. Mum's choice. Despite her love of Scotland, she's avoided it for the previous few years as the last time we were up there, we were there to scatter my dad's ashes at the foot of the UK's highest mountain, Ben Nevis which lies close to the town of Fort William, so it came as a bit of a pleasant surprise when I asked her where she wanted to go and she replied,
"Scotland"
Oban and Fort William it was then, and with a 320-mile drive ahead, I dragged the old girl and the wife out of bed for a 7 am start for a trip to what, in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful parts of the whole world.
Under a cloudless, cornflower blue sky, we headed from Pontefract up the A1 North to Scotch Corner and then a left onto the A66 which provides a natural, picturesque boundary between the incredible Yorkshire Dales and the equally stunning North Pennines area of natural beauty before picking up the M6 at Penrith, which becomes the A74 and after only a two and half hour drive, crosses the border into Scotland at Gretna. Yes, back to Gretna Green, home of the world-famous Blacksmiths Forge where back in the days of auld, young English couples would go to be married to avoid the age restrictions of marriage in England which the Scots, who in my opinion are so far south they barely count as Scots, would happily marry anyone as long as they were paying.
Today, the rules are even more relaxed. You can still get married there, with or without permission from your parents and regardless of the couple's gender. I bet they were having none of that back in 1754!
And here it was we pulled in just after 10 am for some extortionately priced breakfast and the first of many shops selling 'in your face tourist-tat'. Worse than that, despite the early hour, there was a bagpiper in full blow. Nightmare.
I love the history. I love beautiful old buildings and stunning scenery, but much like social media, everything gets ruined by 'people'!
Even at 10 am, we'd been beaten by several bus trips and tours arriving and the racket being made by the bagpipes was equalled by excited chatter from huge groups of Chinese, American and German tourists, clamouring around the place to take photos and gush over the quaint buildings and perceived romanticism of young couples eloping over the border to be wed. I bet most of them ended up divorced...
Anyway, there will now follow some pictures and possibly offensive descriptions of this beautiful little hamlet which has been mercilessly converted into a mini Scottish theme park...
This is the sign that greets you and my first bone of contention. Surely, blacksmiths have 'forges', not shops? Does anyone know any blacksmiths to ask?
The original blacksmith's forge where it all happened with horseshoes surrounding the entrance for good luck. On the subject of horseshoes, I found out recently that they represent good luck in Thailand too. Coincidence, or cultural appropriation? You decide!
This is the 'history' of the place. There was no point in me trying to spin it and ending up being blacklisted by Hivewatchers!
They could have left it there. I'd have been quite satisfied with reading the interesting history of the place and seeing the beautiful little cottage and forge but no, as tourists started rolling up and pockets began to be filled with coins, they had to expand...
So they started with a little shop. As everyone knows, sometime in history, the Scots decided to invent a word, 'wee' to replace the word 'little'. No idea why and can't be arsed googling it but by the time the 'wee Scottish shop' became too 'wee' and a bigger one was built, they'd all got bored and couldn't be bothered thinking of a word to replace 'big'. I find this strange.
Much better, now we have a big shop too. Let's fill it with 'traditional' Scottish stuff that tourists will love and want to take back to their homes scattered all over the globe...
I think it's a bit rude to assume that the Chinese are a bunch of shoplifters who, unless there is a sign in Chinese saying 'please pay here', would make a run for the bus laden with stolen shortbread and boxes of fudge. No sign in German or any other language for that matter and surely everyone knows what a cash register looks like!
They eat mugs in Scotland?
Here we go. Now we're getting down to the nitty-gritty. All across Shanghai, the industrial suburbs of Dortmund and the open plains of the American mid-West, people are dressing as the Bay City Rollers, it's like 1973 all over again!
Conservatory and outdoor dining area. Outdoor? In Scotland? it was about 5 degrees centigrade that morning but yet, that wasn't the reason no one was taking their skinny caramel macchiato outdoors...
... No, that would be down to this guy, the bloke with the bagpipes who doesn't actually look very happy. It looks to me like either the woman in green has told him to 'shut up', or the woman in pink has had a photo taken of them together and not put any money in his bin. Either way, it looks like trouble, with an upside that while he's pointing his finger and arguing, he isn't playing!
Here he is in happier times. It seems he only accepts dollars!
I didn't go in here so I'm not sure exactly what the Gretna Green experience is. Could it be where some young bride's father chases you around with a shotgun perhaps?
Thats it. Final picture of the toilet block and entrance to the food hall where you can buy the same Scottish food that you could in the Wee Shop but obviously couldn't think of anything else to put in that building.
Thanks as always for dropping by and I wish everyone a wonderful weekend
