With lockdown about to become even deeper, curfews being further enforced and the ability to travel to other provinces curtailed, it was time to sneak off for probably the last weekend away in quite a while.
Options were limited and with the hot and rainy season starting, and the National Parks being closed, camping wasn't an option.
Our friends suggested an 'activity resort' about 140km away in Prachin Buri, set in the middle of nowhere in the foothills of Khao Yai.
Activity resort? If you're English, you will have heard of Center Parcs. Incorrectly spelt and clinically impotent of fun through health and safety regulation and sterilised activities, these places, to which I've only visited once, were akin to being an adult in kindergarten. Lots of fun things to do but impossible to have fun due to the suffocating supervision and rules.
If there's one thing we excel at here in Thailand, it's our absolute disregard of anything health and safety. We wanted fun, what could possibly go wrong?
Two nights were booked, and with our two friends and their daughter Champagne, we borrowed another friend's son to keep Champagne company whilst the adults got pissed and set off for the clean fresh air and joyous adventure of The Royal Bee Campground....except there were no tents, only 'chalets'...No matter...
The food situation worried me slightly, I'm a fussy eater and unlike many, find no comfort in Thai food but on closer inspection of Google maps, happily came across not one, but two supermarkets within walking distance which was rather odd as the location was in the back end of beyond.
Only an hour later than planned, (possibly a record), our ride arrived and off we went. If there is one thing I've learnt, it's our friends do like to stop on route and as we pulled into a road side coffee shop, only 40km from home, another record, I began to wonder whether we'd actually arrive before dark. I needn't have worried, After grabbing some coffees; frappe, iced, iced and hot for me, Ple (pronounced Bun) got back behind the wheel and was like a lady possessed as we hurtled along Highway304, through Nakhon Nayok and on to Prachin Buri. The Thais could save loads of money if they didn't paint white lines on the road as absolutely no one takes any notice of them and it wasn't too long before we took a left and began the trek through open countryside and into the wild green yonder. One final stop at a small shop to get supplies, two cases of Chang and a couple of bags of salted peanuts and we were almost there.
Another left along a track, through some trees decorated with some colourful pendants and we approached the gates...
Four adults, two children and one spoiled Poodle that is hand fed and only pees and shits in a bathroom, arrived shaken and stirred at about 5pm. As we drove through the entrance to the park, I wondered why I hadn't seen the supermarkets as we'd passed through a tiny village just a few seconds before the entrance but I was fairly relaxed, there was restaurant and shop on-site and breakfast was included. I've lived on fried eggs, toast, coffee, Kit-Kats and beer before, no problem!
We do like a good entrance and some patterned concrete in Thailand.
The long drive was lined with some form of gargoyles...
... and illuminated plastic pineapples...
As the sun began to set, it was like being on the Blair Witch Project film set. Plenty of parking for the wife...
....and a cauldron at the ready...
Ok, this is actually what we still use a lot for rubbish (trash) and are made from recycled tyres. Absolutely excellent example of ingenuity and recycling and they can be found all over SE Asia.
The site was huge with a circular lane running around the site with the restaurant and shop, in a windmill, at one end. The chalets, lodges, accommodation, sheds, were dotted around the outside and in the middle, there was a huge grassy area with goals, volleyball and basketball nets.
It was very quiet with only about 20 other people staying there. The owner later told us that it was very popular with businesses for 'team-building' and conferences but like everything, due to Covid, things had been a bit bleak.
We checked in and were taken to our, hmm, brightly coloured sheds...
Now don't be laughing. They love this sort of thing and it's very 'Thai'! The rooms are clean and tidy, the aircon is cold. There's a fridge, TV and bathroom with hot water. What more do you want?
A soft bed?
A quick word about Thai beds, and not just beds. Everything here is rock hard. Sofa's, beds, chairs, you name it. If it's supposed to be soft, it's going to be hard. Get used to it. And true to form, the bed was horrendous...
They had thoughtfully included a bi-lingual sign on the bathroom door in case you couldn't work out how to open it and the thousands of dirty handprints were a nice touch!
Simple but clean and OK for a couple of night in the fresh air!
We ordered food, sat outside the 'shed' and the kids roamed free and played as the adults partook in a few cold beverages and took a few photos as the sun set. Sadly, no time for any 'activities' today, but we'd be fresh and raring to go tomorrow.
The windmill shop. Awfully expensive, but in the event of a possible beer shortage, awfully necessary!
The Day after...Time for some 'activities'!
The kids were up early and keen to get out there. The adults were up early and nursing hangovers, but I bravely sallied forth to the restaurant, a side less tin-roofed shed with the obligatory hard, wooden chairs and plastic tablecloths where the owner was waffling on in Thai, through his microphone, telling us the whole story behind the resort and its history. Totally bizarre, especially as he was almost in tears at one point. Very touching!
Paracetamols were definitely needed to accompany the ham, eggs, toast and 'sausages', but were easily washed down with the free-flow Nescafe and Lipton's tea.
The kids were trying their best to smile but were growing impatient at my lack of get-up-and-go and so finished their breakfasts and headed straight towards the ATVs...
Jain had booked the rooms with all the activities included in the price, I think it was about $50 USD per shed for the two nights and I was also looking for to the 5km ATV trail as I wearily went after the kids. The ATV's were kind of kid-sized, 200cc, 4 speed standard motorcycle foot-operated gearbox so we got the kids donned in their safety gear and tried to send them on their way...
Masks had to be worn at all times during our stay and being the safety-conscious and responsible adult I am, made sure they both made their masks on.
I'd worked out it it would take them about an hour to navigate around the trail which was plenty of time for Jain and I to have our first beers of the day in peace but disaster!
The hopeless little buggers couldn't work the gears! Champagne can already ride a scooter, but they're automatic and was struggling with the semi-automatic clutch so there was nothing else for it, Jain and I had to sit behind them and do the gears, so off we went. Champagne and her Dad taking an immediate lead and Kwan driving like an old woman with me slapping around the back of the head trying to make him get a move on!
It wasn't really a testing circuit. It was a little rutted in places but nothing to slow us down!
As always. The wildlife was very disappointing. There was just this hers of deer and a chicken...
Oh, and just to really take the piss, elephant topiary!
So, what's next kids? PAINTBALL!
I left the camera in the locker as quite surprisingly, they made us wear overalls and goggles, but I forgot to take pictures as I was too busy defending myself against a barrage of hits from a never-ending supply of ammo and gas. The kids actually got bored of this quite quickly, thankfully, as I was more worried about stepping on a snake in the overgrown mass of vegetation as I cowardly attempted to run away, and we were soon changed and on our way to the archery range....
Yes, proper bows and very sharp arrows! Champagne wasn't bad but the bow was a little too big for her to pull fully back. Kwan really struggled as he is a little smaller, despite being a year older.
Next it was on to 'Tree top' action!
It all looked a bit overgrown and unused and even I was dubious about trying it.
...and Kwan wasn't too keen on the idea but as always, monkey Champagne was eager to go however, we decided it was probably a risk too far as their gear looked a little dilapidated and there was no one on hand to help us with the zip-line or rope bridge and so we grabbed the kids and threw them in the swimming pool...
The swimming pool was really nice, it had a slide and a waterfall and so I sat and had a coffee while the kids played happily. They're both strong swimmers so no worries there and the water was actually very clean and the facilities in order. Lovely!
Pool shot with the climbing wall in the background.
Coffee Time...
I must confess, by this time I was getting a bit hungry and decided to rent the latest mountain bike and have a ride into the village and look for the supermarket!
It was tough pedalling the 2km back to the village on the 'Brazilian football teams' push bike but the thought of a 7/11 style cheese and ham toastie spurred me on...
It was kind of a supermarket, it had crisps and noodles and fridges full of beer so I had a swift one whilst engaging the colourful fibreglass rabbits in deep conversation before heading back to the shed pronto as black clouds began to congregate overhead...
BONUS POINTS IF YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT THE GREEN AND ORANGE BOTTLES ARE OUTSIDE THE SHOP!
Final Thoughts...
Despite my poor and cheap attempts at humour and cynicism, it was absolutely fucking brilliant. Free from the shackles of suffocating over protection, the minimal safety net and personal responsibility approach to life that Thailand often have is incredibly refreshing for this old immigrant from a land of suffocating mollycoddling.
The site was a little run down in parts, but the gardens were perfectly kept and there was a tangible sense of pride that hung in the air and in the smiles of the few eager staff. Kids will love the freedom and adults will love the kid's freedom and of course, the fresh air.
The only thing that I didn't like was the location was a few miles from the foothills of the Khao Yai hills because there wasn't really much of a view due to the trees everywhere, and sadly...
