My Elementary Days: The Campus Crush

Hello Hivers! Hive account@baby.magic here, back again with another funny story that will surely put a smile on all yo' faces.

So let's get to it.

This is the last instalment of a series of post that I'm gonna do about my elementary days. So enjoy!

The Love Letters

I was in 4th grade and they put me in the 1st section so I had a new set of classmates although I knew some of them from the playground.
And the best part about this new set of classmates was I was in the same section as the campus crush, Mayang.

So all the boys in the room had this secret contest, that was un-announced and didn't have any set of rules, to win Mayang's heart. And kids from the other sections also took part in this little secret competition too.

Even the ugly ones.

I don't know what made them think that they had a shot at Mayang but she was way above their paygrade.

By now I think you have an idea on how beautiful and attractive Mayang is.

And for some reason, the kids from the other section would always come to me and ask me to give their love letters to Mayang. Which I happily complied. And I would always read the letters out loud inside the classroom. I remember one letter I read and it goes like this..

"Dear Mayang,"

"You are beautifull"

"Beautiful with two L's"

And everybody laughs. So I continued reading.

"And I am handsum."

"Hand and sum.. as in the resultant of addition."

And everybody laughs.

Keep in mind that we were the 1st section. So everyone in the room was highly intelligent.

And so I continued reading.

"Can you be my girlfriend?"

"What?!" I asked.

"How do you go from describing your crush and then describe yourself and then pop the magic question?"

And then everybody laughed really hard it was hilarious. And so I capitalized on the moment and said to them..

"It's a good thing he used the word "CAN" coz he's asking if it's possible and not the word "WILL" coz judging by Mayang's reaction she WILL never do it."

And Mayang happily agreed in laughter.

But one of my classmate was jealous of me coz I was making Mayang laugh. He thought he could do the same by reading another love letter intended for Mayang that was given to him.

And he read the love letter but nobody laughed.

It was just awkward silence and his face was all red.

So I immediately jumped in and said..

"Why are you blushing? That letter is not for you."

And everybody laughed.

"It's for Mayang. The guy who wrote that letter meant Mayang, not you."

"He just gave that letter to you so you could give it to Mayang. Did you think that letter is for you?"

And everybody couldn't stop laughing especially Mayang.

It became a routine right after recess coz the letters just kept on coming. And we just kept on laughing.

Doing Comedy Live

Based on Mayang's reaction to the love letters I realized she was looking for someone intelligent. So I tried to impress her in every chance I get.

One time there was an oral declamation contest in school and I signed up to it to impress her coz I knew she was gonna be in the crowd watching.

So I practice my piece for weeks and then the day of the contest comes. So there I was in front of a huge crowd showcasing my oral declamation skills. It was going smoothly in the beginning but when I got to the middle part I stopped.

I forgot my piece.

Things weren't looking good as it was starting to look like an epic failure.

I tried to remember it but I just couldn't do it.

And everyone in the crowd was confused why I suddenly stopped.

So I was standing there in awkward silence. And then I decided to just come clean. And I told them..

You know what.. I forgot my piece.

And everybody giggled. So I just told them a funny story to save face. And it went like this..

You know I was a child TV host when I was like 5 and I was making a lot of money as a kid. Everyone thought I was a genius coz I talked like an adult at the age of 5.

I was the one paying the mortgage, paying for the groceries and keeping the lights on.

Life was good.

But then my Mom told me that I should quit my job and go back to school.

So I asked, Why?

And my Mom said, You're still a kid. You shouldn't be working. You should be in school.

So I said, Why do I have to go back to school?

And my Mom said, So you'd get good grades. Get a scholarship. And when you graduate from college, you can find a decent paying job.

So I said to her, But I'm already making a lot of money. What's the point?

And she said, Don't try to argue with me young man. Just listen to your Mom. Mother knows best.

So I asked myself,

AM I ADOPTED?

And everybody laughed.

Well, almost everybody coz I noticed some kids were not laughing. So I said to them..

They say only intelligent people get my jokes. So if you didn't get it then you know what you are.

And everybody continued laughing, well almost everybody, and we were all looking at these morons.

And they started to make an awkward smile. And I said to them..

Y'all look like your Mom caught you jerking off.

And everybody laughs and cheers and started clapping.

And the morons started laughing awkwardly. And I said to them..

Well, the intelligent ones are clapping now. So, I think it would be a good idea for you to start clapping too.

And the morons were smiling awkwardly and clapping their hands. But they still had that confused look on their faces though.

I think they were asking themselves in their head..

What the hell is so funny? I didn't get it.

So I went on cracking jokes for the next 30 minutes or so but then the teachers had to cut my show short coz they still needed to continue with the contest. Needless to say, I lost in that contest but I left a very good impression on everybody especially Mayang.

They Couldn't Move On

After that contest, I made a reputation for myself as a comic. And everywhere I go, pupils would always ask me for a joke. Everytime they see me passing by they'd ask for a joke. It was becoming ridiculous. It's not like I'm always thinking of jokes all the time or doing comedy live every second of the f^cking day. So everytime they asked me for a joke I'd give them the same joke each time. I would always say..

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

And they'd ask, Why?

"'Coz he didn't have a joke."

"The chicken would prefer to be hit by a car and be roadkill rather than suffer the embarrassment of telling a bad joke."

The chicken would be like..

Oh! I'd rather be roadkill than
tell you a joke. I'm not gonna
embarass my self.

Zzzzzzzooooooooommmmmmmmmmm...... chicken gets hit by a truck.

Everytime they asked me for a joke I gave them the same joke each time.

And everytime I approach someone to ask them something, they would laugh as soon as they see me getting close.

And I'm like,

"What the hell is so funny?!"

And they'd be like,

"I just remembered your jokes from last time."

And I'd be like,

"Really! That was like 2-3 weeks ago. And you're still laughing about it?"

And they would just nod their head while giggling.

It took them a while to move on from that comedy live show.

I remember one time in class, the teacher was discussing about our history with invaders and I asked a serious question. I asked the teacher,

"Excuse me, Ma'am? Why did Lapu-Lapu kill Magellan?"

And everybody laughed. So I told them,

"I'm serious. I wanna know why Lapu-Lapu killed Magellan."

So my teacher answered me with,

"Lapu-Lapu killed Magellan coz yada..yada..yada."

But ever since that show I did, my classmates are always expecting a joke from me. So what initially started as a serious question ended up with a joke. And I replied with,

"So that's why. I thought Lapu-Lapu killed Magellan 'coz Magellan was more good-looking than Lapu-Lapu."

And everybody laughs..

"I'm the chieftain, no one should be more good-looking than me or taller or have a more fancy sword than me."

"Let's kill Magellan and his soldiers!"

And everybody was laughing especially Mayang.

And my teacher was staring at me like she was ready to send me to the principal's office.

All that just to impress one girl.

The Knight And Shining Armor

So we were already in fifth grade and I've already established myself as an intelligent and funny guy. But I still haven't made a move with Mayang.

The reason for this is that over the course of 2 years, Mayang has turned down all of her suitors. So I was puzzled on what she was looking for. Or if she was thinking of having a boyfriend at all.

So I patiently waited. But I wanted her to know that I'm the right guy for her. I wanted to show her that I can protect her and keep her safe. So I devised a plan to make me look like I'm her knight and shining armor.

I asked my former crew from my 3rd grade gang to help me. I told them to bother Mayang during recess so I could come to her rescue and make me look good in front of Mayang.

And the day came and the stage was set. They bothered Mayang during recess and they didn't stop until she asked for help and I quickly run to her rescue. I punched all of my former crew and I was like an action star beating up guys who were a lot bigger than me. It was staged but I really punched them hard to make it look real. And my former crew were surprised by it but they couldn't complain 'coz it would ruin everything. So after 5 minutes of a fake fistfight with the only real punches coming from me, my former crew ran away.

And let me tell you, everyone was so impressed with what I did. But more importantly, Mayang was impressed. So I went to her to check if she was okay. And the way she looked at me, boy, it was priceless. I don't even know how to describe it but her eyes were sparkling and she couldn't stop looking at me. I knew I was gonna have to pay my former crew a 100 bucks after class but it was all worth it 'coz from that day on I was gonna be her knight and shining armor.

So after class I went to the spot for the payout. And my former crew was there waiting for me with their angry welted faces. So I praised them for doing a great acting job but they just ask for the money right away which I happily gave to them. And right after they got the money from me one of them said,

"You know we're really not happy that you punched us for real. It was supposed to be a fake fistfight but all your punches were real."

"Look, man. I had to punch all of you for real to make it look real." I said to them.

But they weren't convinced and they started punching me and beat me up real good. And all I could say was,

"Not in the face, not in the face."

That's why I keep on saying that all those fistfights that you see in the movies, with the hero beating up a dozen guys all by themselves, only happens in the movies.

My body was filled with bruises after that. But I didn't care 'coz everytime I think about the way she looked at me that day the pain goes away.

Oh, the things that you would do for love.

The Reveal

So I finally found the courage to tell Mayang that I like her and that I wanted her to be my girlfriend and we had our talk. And she tells me that she wasn't ready for a boyfriend yet and that she was too young for that kind of shit.

Your probably laughing right now 'coz I build myself up for two years only to be turned down like the rest of her suitors.

But I wasn't discouraged 'coz I knew there was something in that look that she gave me when I saved her from my former crew. So I waited for her until she was ready and before the school year ended during our graduation year she finally said "YES". And we were in a relationship.

Don't you just love happy endings.

So the only question left is.

What does Mayang look like?

So without further ado I present to you...

Mayang.

source

I'm kidding that's not her.

Drum rolls please!!!

THIS..

IS..

MAYANG.

I know right!

When people see us together, they look at me like I f*cking won the lottery. And they look at her like her whole house got burned down.

And that's the whole story.

Thank you for making it to the end of this post I hope you enjoyed reading it.

If you like this post let me know in the comments section.

And my name is Hive account@baby.magic & that's it for now. Jah bless!

Any upvotes, follows and reblogs is greatly appreciated.

All photos taken from my phone unless stated otherwise. GIF powered by Tenor.