"Says the doctor," "Sam, the good news is that I can help you get rid of your headaches. The bad news is that castration will be required. You have a very unusual ailment that causes your testicles to press against your spine, causing a severe headache. The testicles must be removed in order to relieve the pressure."
Sam was taken aback and depressed. He questioned whether he had anything worth living for. He couldn't focus long enough to respond, so he concluded he had no choice but to have surgery.
He didn't have a headache for the first time in 20 years when he left the hospital, but he felt like a piece of himself was missing. He noticed he felt like a different person as he walked down the street. He had the opportunity to start again and live a new life. "That's what I need - a new suit," he thought as he passed by a men's clothes store.
"I'd like a new suit," he said as he walked into the store. "Let's see... size 45 long," the elderly tailor stated after a cursory glance at him. "That's exactly, how did you know?" Sam joked. "We've been in business for 60 years!" Sam put the costume on. It was the ideal fit.
"How about a new shirt?" the salesperson suggested as Sam admired himself in the mirror. Sam paused for a bit before responding, "Sure.""Let's see, 35 sleeve & 18-1/3 neck," the salesman stated, looking at Sam. Sam was taken aback once more, "That's right, how did you know?" "We've been in business for 60 years!"
Sam tried on the shirt and found it to be a wonderful fit. "How about new shoes?" the salesman suggested as Sam straightened his collar in the mirror. "Sure," Sam responded, as he was on a roll. "Let's see... 10-1/3 E," the salesman remarked, looking at Sam's feet. "That's true," Sam exclaimed, "how did you know?" "We've been in business for 60 years!"
Sam tried on the sneakers and found them to be a perfect fit."How about some new underwear?" the salesperson suggested as Sam strolled around the shop in ease.Sam paused for a moment before responding, "Sure." "Let's see... size 37,"the salesperson stated as he took a step back and examined Sam's waist.
Sam laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
I am inviting 
Here is the link:
@amirtheawesome1/the-comedy-open-mic-contest-announcement-40-hbd-in-prizes