The new year has just started and as always January feels like it's not ending anytime soon. January always feels like it has it's own specially allocated hundred day period compared to the thirty of the other months. How do I know?
We've barely crossed the one week line and I already see people who were ballers in december look like they've gone through a rollercoaster of financial stress.
The December money bags are desperately trying to hide the fact that they're still around.
I'm currently still in my hometown enjoying all that it has to offer and I still see some of the OGs especially when I take a walk-in the evening.
Me: OG you never still comot? (Brother are you still around?)
December Baller: Yes o bro, I say make I enjoy here small (Yes bro, I still wanna enjoy the town for a bit)
Me: (gives him that knowing smile) I understand brother.
December Baller:(winks at me) What about you, why are you still around?
Me: Same here bro, just enjoying the scenery.
He was just one amongst the many who had spent all of their December salary forgetting that in reality January has three months fit into it.
I guess it's true that old dogs never learn new tricks.
I don't care what country you come from, the one universal word that gets everyone talking is the word Economy.
If you want to find out the life story of a total stranger, just get on a bus and mention the magic word Economy and you get a fully downloaded file of all their story fully attached with family history.
If you're a Nigerian, you simply have to add the trademark word Ahhh making the sentence Ahhh, this economy and you're certain to get the best reactions.
It's like magnet to iron or moth to flame, no true Nigerian will ignore the allure of those words.
I initially thought you get these reactions only in public transports found in the city, but so far I've experienced the same in my hometown as well.
My mum though doesn't seem to think there's anything going on with the economy, her problem it seems is whether I've got a girl and if not, I should use the opportunity of being in my hometown to snag one.
I'm not sure when girlfriends suddenly became cookies or a bag of chips where you simply walk into the nearest convenience store, get your pick of them and walk out carrying a pack of your favorite one.
I think I might've exhausted my subscription of the Mum, I wanna make money first bundle, because she knows all my excuses at this point.
While my mum seems to believe my wedding is happening this year, with or without any girl in the picture. My aunt I'm staying with here on the other hand believes her new year resolution is to try and feed me fat enough not to be recognizable when I return back to base.
At this point it feels like it's fast becoming a contest where she ambushes me with food and I on the other hand have to find excuses to escape from the house.
I used to believe pounded yam and egusi soup was number one on my all time list of favorite food, but it's looks like I might soon get PTSD from the words food is ready.
The sound of yam being pounded now sounds like an assasination attempt on my life.
It seems the only thing that gives her joy is whenever I eat and can't walk straight anymore. Imagine how embarrassing it would be to one day find yourself in heaven and the angel goes:
ANGEL: Young man, what brings you to heaven?
ME: (wringing my hands as I scream in absolute frustration) Too much food sir, TOO MUCH FOOD.