Love is a fickle creature and there's no other place to experience the full range of that fickleness than the NYSC camp.
NYSC which is the National Youth Service Corps is a programme for Nigerian graduates in my country where they have to go on national service for a period of one year. But before the program itself, there's a three week period spent in a camp with other prospective Corp members and without leaving the camp.
As a young and naive gentleman, NYSC camp is perhaps one of the few places where you shouldn't fall in love because there are vampires on the prowl looking for ways to suck you dry.
And oh i don't mean your blood as that would almost be a mercy, instead we have the very experienced gold digging ones. They've honed their skills over their long years and you somehow had the unfortunate luck of sharing the same space for three weeks straight.
It doesn't take them much to recognize you as you're obviously in camp to show off. But the only problem is that you're naive in the things that actually matter.
You go to eat at a canteen and there's suddenly a lady who's complimenting your looks. Obviously you're not a dunce, you've picked up on the fact that she's probably interested in you and you strike a conversation.
She's all smiles, giggling at your every joke and batting her eyes at you. Only three minutes into the conversation, you realize she has not paid for her food and being the gentleman that you are with good home training, you offer to pay.
Congratulations bro, your home training just bought her a subscription to three weeks of free food alongside other miscellaneous expenses.
You might've been cloistered all you life and didn't get much experience on the dating scene, but don't worry there's a solution for you. Go to camp, wisdom will be yours after three weeks.
Although I'd heard about many of these scenarios before going on my national service year, I wasn't moved by any of it particularly because I was just recovering from a recent breakup and wasn't interested in dating.
For the first week and a few days, I made a few friends but was usually alone until different people eventually started coming over to ask why I was quiet all the time.
One of them was my lady XYZ and we seemed
to have some chemistry, so I got her number.
We were suddenly everywhere together to the point where I had people coming over to ask for her whereabout whenever they couldn't find her. I was the Bonnie to her Clyde and everything just seemed perfect.
Until I discovered she was five years older than I was. This wasn't an issue for me because I'd already dated older women in the past, but this was the biggest age gap.
Suddenly our love was not loving and Clyde was no longer in tandem with Bonnie.
All of this wouldn't have been an issue until I realized I'd spent more in one week of us being together than in the initial two weeks of being alone in camp.
Here's me narrating my experience to my cousin after the three weeks In camp has elapsed.
Bro I wasn't really interested in the relationship. I just wanted to forget about the breakup
My cousin giving me a knowing look. Anything you say boss, I believe you. Anyways, how much did you say you spent again
Giving him my best evil eye but still maintaining a smile. Forget about that part bro, it's not as if it was much na. I just wanted to have some fun
My cousin now smiling Yeah I trust you, we don't do love anymore. Although I remember you spent almost seventy......
I Immediately cut in, barely controlling my answer I already told you to forget about this matter, or is it your money
No oooo, God forbid. I can't be stupid to waste that kind of money in one week. It's not as if I'm calling you stupid, I'm just saying my cousin would reply
Knowing I would probably strangle the idiot if I spent one more second, I give a shaky laugh laced with promises of tears Its not as if I even loved the girl, it was just cruise. You know I'm an alpha male, anyways I'll be in my room
Me in my room listening to Juice Wrlds All Girls are the Same with fresh tears rolling my eyes
A few minutes later my cousin walks in
My cousin asks Hey bro, why are you crying. Are you sure you didn't cut onions today
Me trying to explain but keeps choking on the words as the tears is now in full force
Bbbbrooooo......... Bbbbbbbbbbrooo, ahhhhhhhhh ahhhhhh iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
My cousin smiles and asks once again I can't hear you, What did you do
Me with my swollen eyes, catarrh running down my nose and all pretence of an alpha male forgotten Bbbbbbbbbbrooo I lovvvvveeeed thhhat girl, pleeease call herrrr and heeelllp me beeeeggg herrrr
Me clinging to my cousin's trouser and my cousin looking at my alpha male street rep in the mud.
This post is a submission to the Paritae blogging competition "Dating Chronicles"