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Edited with PicsArt
TOOTHBRUSH I REFUSED TO CHANGE
TOOTHBRUSH: It has been 9 months, 5 days, 16 hours, 2 minutes and 47 seconds since I first started being used.
If I was a woman, I would've given birth.
I've been chewed, bent, broken and most of my bristles have been torn away.
Right now, I am nothing more than just weak plastic.
when will this end?
ME: (walks in to get my brush)
TOOTHBRUSH: Bro please, replace me, I can't do this anymore.
ME: why, you're still good na
TOOTHBRUSH: No I'm not!
look at me!
I look like a mango seed that a child has sucked everything from!
ME: If it's not broken, no need to fix it
TOOTHBRUSH: but I'm literally broken!
I could be used to stab someone the way I am!
ME: well, as long as you're still working well, I don't mind
TOOTHBRUSH: Working well?!
brooo, I've stopped working well for 4 months now.
Why do you think your girlfriend left you??
Your mouth don dey emit odours my guy.
And why won't it.
Doctors said you should replace brush every 3 months.
It's been 9 months my guy!
ME: (puts toothpaste)
TOOTHBRUSH: (sobs)
Please just let me die...
TOILET AFTER I DROP A BOMB
TOILET: I'm telling you guy, I'm the most respected household item.
TOILET PAPER: People literally poop in you.
TOILET: ehnn, That's a necessity of the human body. Without me, people would be forced to do their business in bushes like animals.
And you're talking about poop. What about you?
Don't people use you to wipe their butts?
TOILET PAPER: Nah. Recently, people have just been using water so I'm just chilling.
ME: (rushes into toilet and starts pooping)
TOILET: My broooo, welcom-
AHHHHHHHH!
MY EYES!!!
WHAT IS THIS!!!!
WHAT DID YOU EAT!
ME: Sorry bro, I drank peppersoup.
TOILET: Flush me! Flush meee!!!
TOILET PAPER: I bet you're feeling very important right now.
TOILET: I hate you..
SOCIAL MEDIA IDENTITY CRISIS
ME: okay guys, it's time for attendance. When you hear your name, just say present.
YouTube
YOUTUBE: present
ME: WhatsApp
WHATSAPP: present
ME: snapchat
SNAPCHAT: present
ME: Facebook
FACEBOOK: Actually I go by META now
ME: metamorphosis ni
how many times will I tell you that no one will ever call you meta.
I mean look at NEPA, they've changed names like 10 times and everyone still calls them NEPA
FACEBOOK: That's NEPA's problem, Call me meta or I won't answer you.
ME: ugh! I don't know why I still have a Facebook account. only old people and scammers still use it. I'll delete it now
FACEBOOK: delete me and your Instagram and WhatsApp go down with me.
ME: Ugghh that's true. Damn you Zuckerberg for causing this.
(sighs)
Meta...
FACEBOOK: Good boy. Present.
ME: Twitter
TWITTER: actually I go by X now.
ME: (screams!)
BREAD SELECTION PROCESS
FIRST SLICE OF BREAD: today is the day. I can feel it. Today is the day I finally get picked!
MIDDLE SLICE: give up bro, no one has ever picked you and no one ever will.
FIRST SLICE: Shut up! I hope you know I'm more nutritious than you.
MIDDLE SLICE: Who cares about nutrition. Taste is superior and you taste like cardboard.
FIRST SLICE: shut up, here he comes!
ME: (opens bread and takes the first slice)
FIRST SLICE: Yessss! is this it? is this the day I finally see what the inside of a stomach looks like??
ME: (drops it and picks middle slice)
FIRST SLICE: NOOOOOOO!!!
MIDDLE SLICE: hahaha. I told you
FIRST SLICE: Why bro, why do you never eat me? Is there something wrong with me??
ME: Oh, I just don't like you. But don't worry, I'll give you to the dog.
FIRST SLICE: (sighs) At least I'll get eaten by something.
ME: (drops first slice in front of the dog)
DOG: First slice? Eww.
FIRST SLICE: ...
what is my purpose in this world?...
CONCLUSION
I just wanted to try something new.
I hope y'all like it.
Thinking of making it a thing,
but we'll see how it goes.
What objects do you think would have the funniest dialogue?
Lemme know below.
Thank you for reading.
Stay buzzing,
Maximus.