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FEAR.
It goes by different names:
Phobia, dread, terror, bête noire...
It also affects people in different ways.
Some people freeze up when they're scared,
Some people scream,
Some turn to Usain Bolt for five minutes,
And some become very violent.
Fear is versatile, fear varies.
But there is one thing about fear that is constant...
Everyone feels it.
I feel it,
You feel it,
Your neighbour feels it.
Every single person feels fear.
Ok everyone except Chuck Norris. That guy doesn't feel fear, fear feels him.
Anyhoo, everyone feels fear and there's a reason for that.
We as humans are hard-wired to feel fear. It's part of us, it's a survival tactic.
Different people are scared of different things.
Some are scared of the dark,
Some are scared of heights,
Some are scared of the creepy old man that lives down the street.
All these are valid fears.
But,
Just because your fear is valid, does not mean it's rational.
What do I mean by this?
You see, I took it upon myself to categorise fear into three groups.
They are as follows;
•The ones that are rational e.g being scared of heights, being scared of large bodies of water.
•The ones that are semi-rational e.g being scared of chickens.
•The ones that are completely irrational, which are the ones we are going to be talking about today.
Below are some of my most irrational fears.
Time for the breakdown...
1. SNAKE BITING MY BUTT/BALLS
Every single time I go take a poo, a thought pops into my head as I sit on the toilet...
What if a snake bite your butt/balls right now
I've had this fear for as long as I can remember.
It subsided a bit, until earlier this year when I saw a news article of how a woman died when a snake bit her on the butt she was pooping.
Needless to say, my fear was freshly ignited.
I mean what if it also happened to me. Not only did I have a butt, but I also have balls and something tells me the snake will be much more enticed by those.
A mere tap to the balls is painful as hell, now imagine a snake bite
Shudders
In fact I'm considering removing this fear from the irrational list. That's how serious this matter is.
Some people spend time in the toilet with their phones and all.
Not me, I dropped the poo and flush da fool.
5 minutes tops. No unnecessary risk-taking.
2. COCONUTS FALLING ON MY HEAD AND KILLING ME
Fun fact: do you know that falling coconuts are responsible for 150 deaths a year?
**Another fun fact: **sharks kill about 10 people per year.
And no, this isn't a joke, this is a real statistic.
Falling coconuts kill 15 times more people than freaking sharks!
I don't even like coconut and now you're telling me there's a possibility that I might be killed by one?
What kind of sick joke is that?
Anytime I see a coconut tree while going somewhere, I'm walking around that shi before my head gets Humpty Dumptyd.
3. BARBER SHAVING OFF MY HAIR BY MISTAKE
Your barber is like a surgeon's for your hair.
Now imagine if a surgeon cuts a liver by mistake.
I've had a lot of Barbers over the years and I can say with confidence that those dudes hold way too much power in their hands.
Imagine if one evil spirit enters your barber and he just decides to shave off your head. Man will go from looking like Will Smith to Jada Pinkett Smith.
And there's absolutely nothing you can do, you'll just have to accept it.
Every single time I go to a barber, I always look at his face and hands to see if I'll be able to identify the moment he decides to go batshit crazy..
But thankfully, it never happens.
My luscious locks are safe. So far so good.
So there you have it dear readers.
With this, we conclude the first (and possibly only) episode of irrational fears.
I do hope y'all are laughing with me and not at me.
If you're laughing at me, I'll know. I'll hunt you down, I'll find you and then I'll punch you in the throat. 🙂
Just kidding😂😂😂
Or am I😑
Anyhoo, that's all folks.
Which of my irrational fears do you relate to?
Do you have any irrational fears you would like to share?
Let me know below...
Thank you for reading.
Stay Buzzing,
Maximus✍🏾