I have been sitting on my laptop for almost 1 hour but I am out of words, don't know what to write because my mind and brain both are being messy. Already the new week started and only a few days left for October. Cold days are coming and I will be less productive.
The good thing is I have got a job proposal from a company where I used to work before. They need people and the money they are offering per month is quite good. Nice salary offer but the shift is an evening to midnight because it's an American Company. I have got the experience already of that job but last time I left it because of the time schedule. It's quite hectic and not for me honestly speaking. From 6.00 pm to 4.00 am is not my thing and I love my sleep. Last time I was weak sick because of doing that job so I guess this time I need to think twice.
I should be happy right, finally, I am getting some nice job offers but I am not. Why? because I know my ability, I am aware of my capability but there was someone who never trusted me, who hurt me so much and left me alone. I recovered and rearranged myself but some words aro stuck inside me and my heart became a frozen heart. You don't need to remember everyone but there are a few whom u trusted and they broke your trust. They blamed you for no reason and left you behind. They believed and told you, you are nothing according to them, they had doubt on your abilities and before leaving you, they insulted you so badly. That comparison really hurts, might be ego but I call it self-respect.
I know what you gonna say, those are passed, you should move forward and yes I am doing that, I have never done any injustice with myself, I gave my life chances, I gave myself another way of seeing the world, positively. But as I have mentioned, no matter how much you move on some words always stay with you and you keep them with you, absorb them every single minute. That pain somehow makes you strong and will lead you to move forward.
While writing this post, I am taking a sip from my drinking can, no it's not alcohol, it's a soft drink can. Somehow I feel that my inside is almost frozen, I don't feel anything, I don't cry like a human, I just stare at the sky when I feel bad. I told you I feel good whenever I see the sky. Many people are jealous of me, because of my ability. Despite being an architect, I can do any kind of official work, I am a workaholic person. But I know the reason for their jealousy, my strong attitude. Many people tried to break me a part but I never gave up, I broke but I never showed people that I am broken, and that makes them jealous.
They think about why this girl is not breaking apart...
I am not unbreakable but I have a frozen heart...
I never doubt my abilities but I feel bad when I think those never believe in my abilities whom I trusted...
My feelings are intense and I am holding so many thoughts inside me...
Love
Priyan
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