I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I left Ukraine and War started. 24th February, was the most devastating day of my life. Not only for my life but also for the entire Ukrainian nation. Memories are vivid, feels like it happened yesterday and now when I talk about that day, it seems like a story. Living in the past is the most horrible way of living life, you are just stuck in time and can't move on no matter what so ever. The truth of my life; was a bitter experience that changed my entire life yet 2 years passed. 24th February, 2022; like always I was in deep sleep around 5.00 am in the morning. Instead of the alarm clock, my phone was ringing loudly, and tons of text messages, and notifications piled up in my phone. I received the call and explosions started, loud noises, sounds of bombardment. It was a war situation that I had never experienced before. I still remember, after hanging up the call that notified me war started, I sat on my couch, completely blanked and shattered, I didn't know what to do. How would I know, I had never been in such a situation in my entire life.
Do you know brain shutdown mode? It's a phase when your brain stops thinking and completely goes to silent mode; I was having that phase that day. Panic started, outside of my apartment, people were shouting, and running around and I was just sitting on the couch. I wish I could explain the loud sound of the outside, it was dark, cold early morning, sun didn't even rise but from far away the flames from the explosions I could see from the window. Now whenever I think about that moment, I shiver. It was a moment of life and death and I was walking on a thin line of survival. How can I forget those moments because only I know how I had felt that day, that moment of 24th February 2022...
Now every moment feels like a movie scenario, a well-written script, or a novel but it's a reality, a trauma in my life. There are different types of people and you can actually witness the reality of people's behavior. Some people handle such kind of crucial moments in a very calm way, they think and figure out the solution; I envy them. Some panic and become selfish. Others become blank and lose the process of thinking because the brain can't think. After that day, my life had never been the same, it was all about survival and I survived.
Today I am calmly writing this post, sounds very strange but in time, you will be able to sort out your words in life. You can tell the story of your survival, a real-life experience. Nobody can understand the moment of breaking out of a war if they never get to experience it in person. I was more scared of nighttime instead of daytime. In the daytime, I was able to see everything outside but at night time, due to blackouts (when war happens, you have to minimize the use of lights); it's scary. I like darkness as well as I am scared of darkness. I had to move to the basement of the building to stay safe. Day 1, and day 2 were in fear but the days became worse when people started leaving and fleeing the country. People were leaving in front of me, they were with family, they had cars and I was there watching everything. The most painful part was living in the darkness, alone in the basement for 9 days.
As I mentioned, people become selfish when such a panic situation occurs. People only care about themselves and their safety, no one cares about others and I witnessed it in 9 days. Those 9 days maybe created a lifetime trauma in my life that I will carry my entire life but also those days gave me a lot of lessons. A foreigner who doesn't even speak the language has made all the way to a safe place to survive. I can't speak Ukrainian or Russian properly and it was a disadvantage, I couldn't communicate at all with anyone who could help me to flee in those 9 days.
It's a sad day today, not only for me but for the entire Ukrainian nation. It's 2 years of war in Ukraine and yet war continues. Many of you might be familiar with my entire journey of survival, how I survived, and how I ended up in Europe as a refugee. I am not crying right now, instead I am feeling strong. So many people lost their lives, loved ones, family members, or friends. I didn't lose anything except my own life. So I guess I am lucky that I am not carrying any burden of losing loved ones.
Life is cruel and shows unsympathetic moments from time to time...
Today Ukrainian community in the Netherlands; they are remembering and reflecting on the two years of the invasion of Ukraine. I didn't go anywhere, I am not part of that community anymore. A lot of things happened after coming to Europe, 2 years is a long time. I am tired, exhausted of all the traumas and moments. I don't have the energy to be part of any activities, it might sound selfish. I might be selfish because my experience taught me how to be selfish and self-centered. When I needed support the most, when I needed the help most; a lot did turn their back on me. So, why bother about others, why bother about what's happening, my presence or absence won't change anything.
I respect those who are still living in war zones, who are fighting for survival every single day, and who are trying to live their life after losing loved ones. The hardest life they are living currently...
Many stories are hidden but they need to be unleashed someday...
I really hope nobody has to live a life like mine; a traumatic life that stuck in the past. I am still going through psychotic treatment, still attending therapies, and taking enormous medicines to be better...
I wish for peace in Ukraine... No more war...
Slava Ukraini...
Photo Location: Kharkiv, Ukraine
February 24, 2023 - A devastating year of war in Ukraine
Love
Priyan...
I am
.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...
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