Hello fellow Hivers! I've been off from the blogging world these past few days because I wasn't feeling well and up to now I still am but I already miss writing to express the things that I have on my mind so I made this blog.
Life is full of surprises. You will never know what awaits you in the next following days.
It was last November 11, at 11:20 in the morning when the most heartbreaking part of my life happened. In that day and time, one of my son bid goodbye to us. It was so unexpected because prior to the time mentioned, he was still able to speak and complained on the things that were attached to him. I thought he could made it but he wasn't. I felt broken, devastated and empty after his death. No mother wanted to said goodbye to his child in this way.
Going back to our usual routine is so hard. In the first week, I felt not wanting to do some house chores because I wasn't in the mood to do so. I just want to lay on the bed, stared to the photos of my lost son that I have in my gallery and let tears flow nonstop. Grieving for losing a child is so painful. Delivering the child in this world was painful but the pain that I felt when I bid goodbye to my son when he left us and join the hands of the Almighty Creator is way more painful that one could ever imagine. It was insanely heartbreaking. There were times that I just woke up all of the sudden in the middle of the night and all I could think of is the face of my beloved child. His face when he smile, and the face of him when we were at the hospital. It was so, so painful knowing that I can't be with him anymore. I miss him so bad.
Being in this painful situation, I can't help but reflect on the things that happen in our life. Sometimes I do question why He took our son this early but I trust Him that He has a reason why He did that. So instead of living my life blaming myself and regretting for losing my son, I prayed and surrendered my all to God so I could go back to the usual life that we had. Though there's a part of us that feel empty, we tried our best to stay strong for our other kids.
While I was left at home and my other kids are in school, I kept myself busy with some chores and when I am done with those works, I started making a scrapbook where I can put the photos and other things that my late son had. This is my only way to keep myself sane while left alone in the house. Making the scrapbook is like collecting all those good memories that we have together with him. My youngest son always told me that he misses his older brother and that is also of the one reason that pushes me to make this scrapbook so my other kids can have something to look at when they miss their brother.
This is what the front cover of the scrapbook looks like. This is made of cardboard and I just covered with bondpapers. Then I put a photo of him and cut some letters for the word "OUR LOVE" then I manually write his name. Beside his photo, I cut small heart shape and draw stems on those hearts. This photo of him was taken way back 2017. He was 4 years old and still studying in the Day Care Center. He looked chubby in that photo since he used to slept during noon time after their class.
Here's what it looks like as I open it. There's no writings and no photos glued to it. I am still figuring what to put in this part. Flipping on the next pages, these are what I put.
Photos of him while he was still months old and a photo that was taken a year ago. Then there's his vaccination card when he was still a baby, his name tag when he was born but there's no paper where his name was written on it. It was long gone and what's left was the wrist band where the paper with his name on it was.
Next page is his school card, a medal when he graduated the kindergarten, and his school work where he colored the printed heart that their teacher gave to them. This was during his 3rd grade.
On left side is the photo of him together with his twin sister. They were still three years old at that time. This were taken at the Day Care Center where my eldest son studied. While waiting for their brother I took a photo of them. On the right page was the award he received during the Day Care Center Recognition Day.
Those are the content of the scrapbook I start making. There are still some of his drawings that I haven't put to it and I'm planning to keep those in the scrapbook when I'm free with my house chores. Maybe tomorrow or the next day.
When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
That all for now. Thank for dropping by, guys!
See you on my next blog!
🪷 AEZIELOVE 🪷