Thinking About Motherhood

Hello Hivers,

Thanks for the welcoming me to Hive on my last post. I appreciate the warm wishes.

Thinking About Motherhood

Marriage and motherhood are what girls have been taught to desire above everything else. We see how older women proudly wear the stash of motherhood by parading with their kids which makes them the envy of the women who are unable to bear children. Insults, abuse, mockery, and unsolicited advice are what you get for being a married woman without a child. There are also instances where your husband takes another wife. All of these scenarios are portrayed in Nollywood so it's not an alien situation.

Growing up watching these movies, we learned that the most important thing for us women is having kids.

A mother is a person who has a child; biological, or adopted. In Nigeria, only women who gave birth to their children biological are seen as mothers. When a woman adopts a child, she's still ridiculed and called childless. Even for women who give birth biologically, there's a stigma attached to women who undergo cesarean section and not normal vaginal delivery.

Growing up, I envisioned myself starting a family as soon as I was done with school. I craved to be a mum more than anything else because that was what society demanded of me. Mind you, I still want a family. The only difference now is that I'm not working with societal clock and workbook. Unlike before when being a mother was the most important thing to me, now I care more about what I make of my life. I am more concerned about the great heights I'm going to achieve as a person and the new grounds I'll break in my career.

Having said all of these, I think I'm going to be an amazing mum, no jokes. I have younger siblings and my parents applaud my maternal skills and ability to watch over them in their absence. I look after them well and meet their needs. Needs that don't involve spending my money, mind you. Growing up in a big family which comes with a lot of stress has made me decide to have a small family with two or three kids, something that is easily manageable and flexible. Children annoy me because they are so loud and stubborn but I've grown to accept it because I was once a child and according to my mum, I was a very stubborn child. It's believable because I'm not much different now. I love children and one day, I want to have children.

Being a mother is the most difficult job. From pregnancy to childbirth and upbringing. I don't think anybody should be rushed into it or forced to have more children than they want. Sadly, mothers in Nigeria hardly openly share the challenges they face with the kids. Coming out to say you have struggles almost equates to your failure in motherhood. But it is dishonest for us to act like there are no challenges. A lot of mothers don't have it all figured out and are tired. Some women have let go of the stigma tied to all these things and share their struggles and experiences on social media. In response, a lot of mothers have also become open hence providing each other with a community and support system. It is a wholesome sight and I want more of it.

I wish just like me, young girls would learn that they are worth more than how many kids their wombs can carry. Being a mother is a blessing but society should never dictate how you live your life. The fact that a woman doesn't have a child doesn't mean she's inferior. A woman who has one child is no less of a mother, neither is the woman who gave birth through cesarean section and the woman who adopted children. Every single one of them are mothers and hence should be treated as such, with respect, and not as castaways. Finally, just like a lot of women who want children above everything else, some don't desire that which is totally fine. It's okay to not want children