Un día compartiendo con mi segundo hijo, Miguel de 5 años de edad, para ese momento, yo estaba trabajando en mis campañas de Marketing, mientras el jugaba tranquilamente con una caja de cartón, con la cual quería hacer una casita.
Él se acerca a mí y me dice: "Papi, quiero poner esto aquí", haciendo referencia a que quería pegar un sticker de un chocolate, pero éste, no se sostenía.
Yo le dije, como siempre: "Resuélvelo, tú puedes", a lo que él se quedó callado y se fue. Creo que intentó resolverlo, pero lo dudé un poco.
A los 10 minutos vino un poco frustrado y me pidió nuevamente que le pegara el sticker en su ambicioso proyecto arquitectónico (convertir la caja de cartón en una casa).
A lo que le respondí: "¡¡¡Miguel, tu puedes!!! Resuélvelo..!!!" y él me respondió: "No, papii.. ¡¡No puedo!! ¡¡Es que lo intento y se cae!! No puedo" Yo le dije: "Miguel, en serio lo intentaste...??" rápidamente me respondió: "Si, papi.. Hazlo tú, por favor!"
Noté esa actitud de "perdedor resignado" cuando dijo: "No puedo, no puedo, es que no puedo." lo cual no me gustó para nada.
Claro, para él es algo importante, puesto que es un proyecto que para él representaba un “emprendimiento”, y si es importante para él, es importante para mí también.
Sin embargo, creo que más eran sus ganas de que yo lo hiciera, que de él mismo encontrar una solución. Creo que le daba flojera ponerse manos a la obra y le estaba frustrando que lo que intentaba, no funcionaba.
Yo estaba consiente de eso, o al menos así era como yo creía que él se sentía.
Le dije con un tono de voz firme: "Miguel, tienes que aprender a resolver esas cosas, ¡¡¡TU PUEDES...!!! No se como pegar eso allí, pero te voy a enseñar como encontrar una solución!!!"
Agarré aquel sticker, lo analicé y en menos de 1 minuto hallé una manera de pegarlo a la cajita y que quedara firme. Lo hice delante de él. Luego de esto, le dije: "Te das cuenta??? Eso era algo que tu podías hacer."
Él se alegró y me dio las gracias, yo insistí y le dije: "Lo hice con gusto, (porque aquí no decimos "de nada", sino "con gusto"), pero tienes que resolver esas cosas y no andar: "no puedo, no puedo, no puedo!!""
Tengo que aclarar que esos últimos "no puedo", se los dije con un tono de voz exagerando, tratando de parecer una persona derrotada pesimista.
A esto le agregué al final: "¡¡¡Sin desesperarte, tienes que resolverlo!!!"
Su mirada durante mi discurso motivacional, fue muy interesante para mí, puesto que cuando le hablé así, el ni pestañó. Solo se quedó FIJO mirándome.
Yo terminé mi "explicación", y me di vuelta y me puse a trabajar.
Un rato después él se viene a donde estoy yo, y me dice que quiere trabajar a mi lado, a lo que le acomodé su espacio y lo senté a mi lado. Ahí estábamos, él en lo de él y yo en lo mío.
Luego me levanto para calentar algo de comida y mientras camino hacia la cocina, noto que él está tratando de pegar algo nuevamente en aquel ambicioso proyecto inmobiliario y escucho que el mismo se dice: "Tú puedes, sin desesperarte..."
Aquello me hizo detenerme en el tiempo. Mis manos estaban moviendo la comida en el sartén, mis ojos viendo hacia el sartén, pero mis oídos y mi campo visual estaban totalmente dirigidos hacía lo que estaba haciendo Miguel y diciéndose a si mismo mientras lo intentaba.
De pronto gritó: "MIRA, PAPIII..!!!! Lo logré..!!"
A lo que yo le respondí: "ESSSOOO..!!! Sabía que lo lograrías.!!!", con una cara poco efusiva y mostrándole la seguridad que tenía en él. Por dentro mis emociones eran una fiesta de celebración.
Pero luego él, diría algo más, que me dejaría MUY impresionado...
Se bajó de su silla, caminó hacia mi y me dijo: "Papi, y lo hice sin decir: "No puedo, no puedo""
Estas últimas frases las dijo con un tono de voz exagerado asemejando a una persona derrotada y pesimista.
Eso me dejó realmente asombrado. Lo abracé y lloramos juntos.
No, bueno tampoco así.. Obvio no lloramos pero si lo abracé y aproveché para decirle lo bueno e inteligente que es y que cuando sea grande será muy exitoso y llegará muy lejos. Esas son frases que siempre le digo incluso hasta cuando duerme.
La lección que aprendí, es que ridiculizar las actitudes derrotistas y dejarles saber que ellos NO SON eso, les sienta realmente bien. Lo entienden. Lo evitan. Sin burlas, solo le muestro: "hiciste esto así, y así te veías y no tienes que ser así.. debes RESOLVERLO!"
Ahora cuando tengo cualquier situación me digo a mi mismo: “Sin victimismos, RESUELVELO.”
Gracias por leer hasta aquí.
Fin.
English version
One day I was sharing with my second son, Miguel, 5 years old, at that time, I was working on my Marketing campaigns, while he was playing quietly with a cardboard box, with which he wanted to make a little house.
He came up to me and said: "Daddy, I want to put this here", referring to the fact that he wanted to stick a chocolate sticker on it, but it wouldn't hold.
I told him, as always, "Figure it out, you can do it," to which he kept quiet and walked away. I think he tried to figure it out, but I doubted it a little.
After 10 minutes he came back a bit frustrated and asked me again to stick the sticker on his ambitious architectural project (turning the cardboard box into a house).
To which I replied: "Miguel, you can do it!!!!! Solve it...!!!!" and he replied: "No, daddy, I can't!!! I try and it falls down!!!!! I said: "Miguel, did you really try...?" and he quickly answered: "Yes, daddy.... You do it, please!"
I noticed that "resigned loser" attitude when he said, "I can't, I can't, I just can't." which I didn't like at all.
Sure, for him it's something important, since it's a project that for him represented an "undertaking", and if it's important for him, it's important for me too.
However, I think it was more his desire for me to do it than for him to find a solution. I think he was lazy to get down to work and it was frustrating him that what he was trying was not working.
I was aware of that, or at least that was how I thought he felt.
I told him in a firm tone of voice, "Miguel, you have to learn how to work these things out, YOU CAN...!!!!! I don't know how to stick that there, but I'm going to teach you how to find a solution!!!"
I grabbed that sticker, analyzed it and in less than 1 minute I found a way to stick it to the little box and make it stay firm. I did it in front of him. After that, I said to him: "You see? That was something you could do."
He was happy and thanked me, I insisted and told him: "I did it with pleasure, (because here we don't say "you're welcome", but "with pleasure"), but you have to solve those things and not walk around: "I can't, I can't, I can't!!!"
I have to clarify that those last "I can't", I told her with an exaggerated tone of voice, trying to sound like a pessimistic defeated person.
To this I added at the end, "Without despairing, you have to figure it out!!!"
His look during my motivational speech, was very interesting to me, since when I spoke to him like that, he didn't even blink. He just FIXED looking at me.
I finished my "explanation", and turned around and went to work.
A while later he came over to where I was, and told me he wanted to work next to me, so I arranged his space and sat him next to me. There we were, him at his and me at mine.
Then I get up to heat up some food and as I walk to the kitchen, I notice that he is trying to stick something back on that ambitious real estate project and I hear him say to himself: "You can, without despair..."
That made me stop in time. My hands were moving the food in the pan, my eyes were looking into the pan, but my ears and my field of vision were totally directed towards what Miguel was doing and telling himself as he was trying to do it.
Suddenly he yelled, "LOOK, PAPIII...!!!! I did it..!!!"
To which I replied, "ESSSOOO..!!!!!! I knew you would make it.!!!!", with a less than effusive face and showing him the confidence I had in him. Inside my emotions were a celebration party.
But then he, would say something else, that would leave me VERY impressed.....
He got down from his chair, walked over to me and said, "Daddy, and I did it without saying, "I can't, I can't"."
These last sentences he said in an exaggerated tone of voice resembling a defeated and pessimistic person.
That really astonished me. I hugged him and we cried together.
No, well not like that either... Obviously we didn't cry but I hugged him and took the opportunity to tell him how good and smart he is and that when he grows up he will be very successful and will go far. Those are phrases that I always tell him even when he sleeps.
The lesson I learned, is that ridiculing defeatist attitudes and letting them know that they ARE NOT that, really suits them. They get it. They avoid it. No teasing, I just show them, "you did this like this, and this is what you looked like and you don't have to be like this...you have to WORK IT OUT!"
Now when I have any situation I say to myself, "No victimhood, just RESOLVE IT."
Thanks for reading this far.
The end.
