Haribol đ Namaste, fellow mothers.
âThis is my first time posting in this group, and I already feel grateful to have found it and to be part of this community.
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âI want to share my journey, hoping it may help or give comfort to those who experiencedâor are experiencingâa similar pregnancy journey like mine in 2023â2024.
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âI was a first-time mom in my early thirties, and the mix of emotions hit me hard. As a first-time mother, I immediately consulted my OB to check the status of my pregnancy. After several ultrasounds, I was diagnosed with a bicornuate uterus, a condition that gives the uterus a heart shape. Because of this abnormality, the baby may have limited space to grow, which can lead to risks such as miscarriage or preterm labor.
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âMy doctor explained that the baby might be smaller due to the limited space. She also told me that the dysmenorrhea I had experienced during my menstrual periods before pregnancy was a sign related to my condition. At first, I felt okay because I trusted my doctor and believed that I could get through this by following her advice.
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âDuring my first trimester, everything felt normal. The baby was still tiny, and I continued my daily routine while working. At that time, I was working as a social worker in a non-profit organization helping abused women and vulnerable children. My job required frequent fieldwork and travel from city to city.
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âOn my third month of pregnancy, after walking a lot in the field, I experienced blood spotting and immediately went to the emergency room. I was advised to rest for a week and was given medication to stop the bleeding.
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âDuring my second trimester, I returned to work, which turned out to be the busiest period. I often worked overtime until one day I experienced heavy bleedingâsimilar to menstruationâand thought I was having a miscarriage. I rushed to the hospital again, and my doctor advised complete bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy.
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âAt that time, so many questions filled my mind: Will my baby survive? Will I be able to handle it if I lose my baby? On top of that, I felt torn because I couldnât easily quit my job. It was one of the most painful moments of my life. Eventually, I decided to prioritize my pregnancy, and I am deeply grateful that my workplace supported me and granted me a sabbatical leave.
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âThere were moments when I almost surrendered. My doctor told me that the baby might come as early as five months. Later, we found out that my cervix was shorter than normal, and if the bleeding continued, I might need cervical stitching to prevent preterm labor.
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âI felt hopeless. Fear became my greatest enemy.
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âThat was when I turned to meditation. My partner supported me greatly and helped ease my worries. I meditated, read spiritual books, listened to the pastimes of the Lord, and heard kirtan every day. Slowly, my fear softened. I became more prepared, learned to expect less, and entrusted everything to God.
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âThe challenges continued when I developed gestational diabetes, and my babyâs growth remained slow. My weight barely increased, and I didnât look like I was six to seven months pregnant because my baby bump was very small. The babyâs weight was also below normal.
âBecause of this, my doctor decided to admit me to the hospital for further medical support to help my baby gain weight and to avoid additional risks. I stayed in the hospital for almost five days, and thankfully, my babyâs weight improved.
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âI continued strict bed rest and weekly check-ups, and by Godâs grace, I reached 38 weeks without miscarriage. At that time, my baby was in a breech position, so I was already expecting a cesarean delivery. During one of my check-ups, my doctor felt that I was having contractions even though I didnât feel any pain. She immediately scheduled my operation that same day.
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âFinally, I gave birth to a 2.09-kilogram baby girl via cesarean section.
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âMy journey was filled with pain, fear, and hopelessness, but it also brought countless lessons, courage, and, ultimately, deep happiness. Trusting God gave me the strength to hold on and keep going.
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âI want to share this prayer that deeply resonated with me:
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ââI wish that all those calamities would happen again and again so that we could see You again and again, for seeing You means that we will no longer see repeated births and deaths.â
ââ Queen KuntÄ«, ĆrÄ«mad-BhÄgavatam 1.8.25, from Teachings of Queen KuntÄ« by A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami PrabhupÄda
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âWhile reading this book, I realized that some of the hardest moments in my life were also the moments that brought me closest to God.
Thank you for reading. I hope my testimony brings comfort and hope to mothers who are going through a similar pregnancy journey like mine.