Growling up I always knew I wanted to be a mother. Little did I know that I would be nothing like the movies (go figure).
Backstory:
My husband and I met on the eve of my 21st birthday. We met in the most unusual way. My friend and I where headed to our favorite bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. Being a Wednesday we knew the bar would be packed as it was karaoke night. It was always a very busy night and every time we went i would fantasize about meeting someone at the bar. Little did I know that that was exactly what was going to happen. We where busy driving through Kalk bay (at that point they where busy with the never ending road works and we where stuck in the stop and go.) In front of us was a car packed with some young guys and a girl. They randomly started waving at us like they knew us. I thought at one point that maybe I did know one of them, but turns out I didn't. When we finally got through the stop and go they turned off to the harbor and we carried on to the bar. We drank and sang and had a great night. His ex-girlfriend at the time approached me saying that her friend wanted to talk to me. Being the woman that I was was not going to chase after a guy and said that he needed to come to me if he wanted to talk to me. He was way too shy, so I ended up going to him. Like they say in the movies "The rest was history".
Fast forward 2 years later and he is proposing to me on his birthday. Yet another thing that was nothing like the movies had made it out to be. I knew that something was up and that he was going to propose to me. He took us to Cape Point and we spent a wonderful time exploring the beaches and places it had to offer. We got to experience up close experiences with some awesome animals. We went to a quieter part of Cape Point where he dropped to one knee and pulled out the ring. He struggled to get it out of his pocket and pulled it out upside down. It makes for a good story.
Eight months later and we where being manipulated into pushing our wedding forward as we where living together and that was a no no in the church. Feeling the pressure from two individuals in the church, we rushed to plan one of the most magical days of our lives. We had all of four months to plan what would have been a ten month planning endeavor. Despite minor things not going to plan, we had the most amazing day with nothing but praise on how stunning our wedding turned out.
Growing up I believe that life should go a certain way and I had planned my life to a schedule and I was adamant to stick to it. Life had other plans. Along with these 'plans' of mine, I wanted to be a mom at the early age of 23 like my mom. I ended up being 25 when I conceived my son.
Believe it or not, trying to fall pregnant is not as easy as it may be made out to be. We tried for 5 months consistently, trying every trick in the book (pills, ovulation tracking, TTC sites, legs up and so much more). Negative test after negative test sent me in a deep pit of depression. I broke down every time I got a negative test. I cried every time someone I felt wasn't deserving fell pregnant and I wasn't. It took its toll on my marriage and caused a lot of friction between my husband and I. After realizing that our efforts where in vain, we decided to just stop preventing and trying so hard and let nature take its course.
In February 2020, I was so ill. Being a teacher, I thought I had just caught a stomach bug. When the nausea and vomiting hadn't subsided after a month, I decided to take a pregnancy test while my husband was at work. In my mind, that way I could deal with my emotions alone if it was negative again. To my surprise, it came back positive. I was pretty socked. I didn't think I would see those two little lines. I needed to tell someone. I phoned my best friend and told her the great news. She was the first person I told. I then rushed to the shop to plan a pregnancy announcement for my husband. He was so socked, the asked me if it was real. I don't think he expected it.
Right from the beginning, I had a very rough pregnancy. During my first trimester I suffered from all day sickness. Forget about morning sickness. I was throwing up everything I ate. I slept that first trimester away, being bed ridden with a bucket by my side. The only things I could stomach where mints and the odd sour worms. It also didn't help that my husband was away fishing for about 3 weeks while I was so ill. At 20 weeks we went to have our gender scan. My husband so badly wanted a boy that I was a bit nervous going in to the scan incase we where having a girl. I knew he would love our baby no matter what we had. We where ecstatic to find out that we where having a boy.
Knowing that I wanted to have an as natural birth as possible, we looking into have a home birth with a midwife. We met with the potential midwife about three times, but something just wasn't sitting well with me. We decided in the end to go through a private hospital as we where on medical aid. I made it very clear to my gynae that I wanted a natural birth, but everything leaving up to his birth ganged up against the odds of this being a possibility.
My pregnancy was nothing short of difficult. I suffered from swollen feet, water retention, major Braxton hicks, high blood pressure and the high possibility that my baby wouldn't go to full term. Leading up to his due date, the Dr. suggested that we go with an induction, which turned into a C-section. Coming to grips with this decision, I researched the most natural way to birth via C-section. We planned on a natural C-section birth with delayed cord clamping. Sadly this too was taken from me. With the proposed weight of our son and my high blood pressure, it was suggested that we have a C-section. I was so uncomfortable and in so much pain that I wanted him out as soon as possible. I was hospitalized for 3 days so that the Dr. could keep and eye on my blood pressure, during which time I received two shots of cortisone to help my premature baby's lungs develop in time for an early delivery. Thankfully my high blood pressure was under control and I could go home after three days. At that point I was so over being pregnant that I wanted my baby out as soon as possible. The earliest the Dr. would deliver him was at 37 weeks. The days leading up to his delivery felt like months. Not only was I excited and somewhat prepared to have the C-section, I was not prepared for what I did experience.
The day of delivery:
I was expected to go into theater at 1pm. I went to the hospital at 8:30. I was shown to my room where I would spend the next 4 days. I had my IV put into my hand and told to put my delivery gown on. Over the next couple of hours my blood pressure was consistently measured and my baby's heart rate. During this time the Dr. visited me once. Half an hour prior to me delivery time, I was wheeled into the waiting area and then into the passage where the operating room was. All in all the surgery took no more than 15 minutes to deliver our son. I was given the epidural and things moved incredibly fast after that. I had warned the anesthetist that I was allergic to something in the anesthesia that made me sick, but that fell on deaf ears and shorty after the epidural was administered, I got a bout a serious nausea. Our son was delivered at 13:35 weighing 3.68Kg. He was shown to us briefly and then rushed to be seen to as he wasn't breathing properly and his sugar was low. I was taken to my room once I was done and only got to see my baby that evening. He was brought to me for feeds and then taken back to the N.I.C.U to be under the lights.
At first it took me a while to really love and appreciate my son. The natural endorphins that are supposed to be released after birth where probably delayed as I didn't really feel much for my new born son. On top of trying to recover from an incredibly traumatic surgery and care for a newborn baby, I was in over my head. My first night alone with my son was the longest night of my life and I begged my husband to spend the next night with me to help me cope with trying to recover from my C-section and attend to my baby's needs.