I gave birth to a 3.1kg boy on March 2019 after 10+ hours in the labor room. I was excited to see him though I was still too weak. I didn't bother looking at myself in the mirror. Judging from the feeling I had after leaving the delivery room, and then the recovery room, I know I surely won't look the same. But I didn't care much as that moment, for me, was a milestone. I wanted to see my son. But I had to rest and wait. When I had him in my arms, there was something in me that has changed.
I had a lot of memories, both happy and sad, when I became a mother. I didn't know it would be this challenging. And I didn't know that it would also be this wonderful, to carry a tiny being in my womb and then later on, carry him in my arms. 💜
I can't say that I always had a smooth life when I started my motherhood journey. There were days in the past when I'd just cry over the smallest things. There were also days when I suddenly have a lot of worries. There were thoughts of not being able to live longer to take care of my child. I had these thoughts inside me for more than a year after giving birth. I had great support in taking care of my child since my mom is very active in giving me ideas and advice. But my husband works far away most of the year and I struggled emotionally, often alone. There were numerous times when I'd just stare at my sleeping child and cry because I was suddenly afraid of dying early. I couldn't help it though I tried many times.😖
I was somehow able to forget about these thoughts when I started documenting my child's growth. I started dreaming of a good future for him. Seeing him grow and reaching certain milestones seemed to improve my way of thinking. I love being a mother. I don't think motherhood is always sunshine and rainbows. But when I think about it, motherhood is something I would always want to experience even for just once in my life. It's a tough life once you enter the motherhood portal. But it's also a life full of wonderful experiences. There is a certain kind of warmth in the heart whenever I see my son's smile and when I hear him laugh.
Looking back to all those years as a mother brings me the kind of happiness I couldn't fully explain with words. This kind of love would make me do anything and give anything just to make sure my child is healthy, safe, and happy. It's the kind of love that teaches you to be more patient, to be more caring, to be more willing to accept and to willing to learn, and to be more giving.
I realized that having my child was a great way to polish me as a person. Did I learn a lot about myself in this journey? Definitely! I learned how much sacrifice I am willing to give for my son. I learned to be more patient and more attentive to his needs. I learned to be more wary of my thoughts and words. I learned to improve my skills. I learned that laziness is not part of my vocabulary as a mom.😅
My son's presence in my life gave it more meaning and purpose. Motherhood, for me, gave me a chance to improve myself. I know I am constantly learning and growing as a mother. I've had a lot of mistakes, a lot of challenges, and a lot of am-I-doing-well-or-not moments. When faced with certain struggles, I ask advice from my mom or from my mom/dad colleagues. I listen and gauge which advices are most helpful. Every motherhood journey is unique and I try my best to do what best benefits my child.
In a blink of an eye, the little child in my arms in 2019 has become a toddler. Realization: Taking care of a baby is one thing but raising him is on another level. 😅 I have already become both an angel and a monster on many occasions. 😂 There were times I felt like giving up. But I never did because I love this little version of my husband and I. He gives us a special kind of joy and makes us become more patient and more understanding.
I wish to keep learning and growing as a mother. Not a perfect being but I will keep trying to be a better mom for him every day. The changes I see in my son help me learn a lot about him. The more I learn, the more I understand. The more I understand, the more I improve myself not only as a mom but also as a person. I am forever grateful to have been given this chance to be the mom of this bubbly little boy. I wish he would always feel how much I love him. 💜🙏
Thank you Hive friends for reading! I often get emotional when I share about my life as a mother but I feel great after being able to talk about my experiences. 😊 Giving virtual hugs to all parents out there who also have ups and downs in parenthood. 💜
Note: All photos, unless otherwise stated in the captions, are taken using my phone. Two photos were taken by family members and friends who sent the pictures to me. These are used with permission.