I won't start this post by saying openly how wonderful I felt when I was told I was pregnant because I would be lying to you. I remember being at work, I received a message from the lab because I was an acquaintance: ''Friend your pregnancy test is POSITIVE, Congratulations!'' was what I read minutes before my head was spinning, I got dizzy, I felt like everything around me was blurry while my body was cold in my hands and hot in my chest, I had to go into the bathroom so they would not see me cry, it was the most bitter feeling of fear and worry I had ever felt, I felt no joy, nor any nice emotion that resembled it. I was terrified, I was not prepared in any area of life to face that responsibility of such a magnitude that was coming to me.
Los siguientes meses pasaron lentos, tan lentos que hasta una pandemia mundial había llegado y yo seguía embarazada. Cada mes era un dolor diferente en una parte del cuerpo, mis pies empezaron a hincharse desde el cuarto mes. Ambos gineco-obstetras que visité estuvieron de acuerdo con el diagnostico; el bebé tenía de cuna una arteria importante que atravesaba todo mi cuerpo, eso explicaba la escasa circulación a mis pies y por ende la hinchazón constante. Tuve que descansar, no tuve opción, cada vez que caminaba por un periodo de tiempo era doloroso y el peso en mis pies era insoportable; y aún faltaban 2 meses aproximadamente. Estuve en casa debido a la situación del Covid-19 que nos obligó a todos a mantenernos a salvo.
The next few months passed slowly, so slowly that even a worldwide pandemic had arrived and I was still pregnant. Each month was a different pain in a different part of the body, my feet started to swell from the fourth month. Both obstetrician-gynecologists I visited agreed with the diagnosis; the baby had a major artery running through my whole body, that explained the poor circulation to my feet and therefore the constant swelling. I had to rest, I had no choice, every time I walked for a period of time it was painful and the weight on my feet was unbearable; and there were still approximately 2 months to go. I was home due to the Covid-19 situation that forced us all to stay safe.
Aquel 05/05/20 salí de mi casa temprano para ir al hospital. Cualquiera es un día largo cuando lo pasas en ayunas. Los nervios de aquel día fueron nervios diferentes como ningún otro que había sentido; una mezcla entre miedo al dolor y ansiedad por saber cómo era la pequeña cara del bebé que había cargado en mi vientre esas 38 semanas y 5 días. Santiago nació a las 2:30pm de ese mismo día. 3.800gr y 53cm de largo, al sacarlo, le pude ver el rostro y sentí una felicidad única que se me salieron las lágrimas de la emoción, por fin habia llegado para cambiarlo todo. Todo estuvo muy bien, luego de su nacimiento, todo estaba ocurriendo como estaba previsto, hasta que surgió aquella complicación; mi presión arterial subió, presente nauseas, vómitos y mi vista se oscureció. No supe de mi durante 9 horas, mi familia estaba preocupada, inútiles fueron los intentos de mi esposo y mi madre tratar de averiguar sobre mí, solo le decían que me tenía que recuperar, que aún no era el momento, que todo estaba bien. Supongo que nada estaba bien luego de que a las 2:30pm luego de tener al bebe mi familia pudo verme a las 12:20am. La palabra mal es muy corta para describir el estado en el que me encontraba en el post operatorio; sentía como miles de agujas o cuchillos cortaban mi carne, era dolor, ardor, sin poder mover mis pies todas esas horas ya casi no los sentía, hacer un solo movimiento para levantar el brazo provocaba en mi un dolor inaguantable que pedía a gritos que me colocaran la droga más fuerte que tuvieran. No pude alimentar a mi bebé; me negaba incluso a tenerlo cerca, la emoción que sentí al verlo por primera vez no era la misma, ya los efectos de la anestesia habían pasado. Lo que vino después siguen siendo mis recuerdos anticonceptivos más preciados.
That 05/05/20 I left home early to go to the hospital. Any day is a long day when you spend it fasting. The nerves that day were nerves unlike any other I had ever felt; a mix between fear of pain and anxiety to know what the little face of the baby I had carried in my belly those 38 weeks and 5 days looked like. Santiago was born at 2:30pm of that same day. 3.800gr and 53cm long, when I took him out, I could see his face and I felt a unique happiness that brought tears of emotion to my eyes, finally he had arrived to change everything. Everything was fine, after his birth, everything was going as planned, until that complication arose; my blood pressure went up, I had nausea, vomiting and my eyesight went dark. I did not hear from me for 9 hours, my family was worried, my husband and my mother's attempts to find out about me were useless, they only told her that I had to recover, that it was not the time yet, that everything was fine. I guess nothing was fine after 2:30pm after having the baby my family was able to see me at 12:20am. The word bad is too short to describe the state I was in post-op; I felt like thousands of needles or knives were cutting my flesh, it was pain, burning, without being able to move my feet all those hours I could hardly feel them, making a single movement to lift my arm provoked in me an unbearable pain that was screaming for them to put me on the strongest drug they had. I could not feed my baby; I refused even to hold him close, the emotion I felt when I saw him for the first time was not the same, the effects of the anesthesia had already worn off. What came after that are still my most precious contraceptive memories.
Mi recuperación fue muy lenta; mas el hecho de amamantar fue muy doloroso que solo quería llorar, la liberación de todas las hormonas que tenía en el cuerpo me hacían tener sentimientos mezclados. No solo era el dolor físico el que tenía que atravesar sino el dolor mental que se asomaba producto de los cambios, la privación del sueño, el dolor. Empecé a sentir una profunda tristeza; una melancolía y rechazo hacia a mi bebé, fueron días oscuros de los cuales solo recuerdo que amamantaba, dormía dos horas seguidas y de nuevo estaba despierta amamantando nuevamente. Los otros cuidados que ameritaba mi bebé como bañarlo, cambiarlo, lavar su ropa, pasearlo estaba a cargo de un personal conformado por su papá y sus abuelas. Al menos, por ese primer mes evite todo contacto en el cual no era necesaria mi presencia; no quería cargarlo, ni darle besos o abrazos, ni cambiarle el pañal. Evitaba a toda costa atenderlo de forma diferente que no fuera amamantarlo. Recuerdo que uno de los meses más duros que he vivido hasta ahora.
My recovery was very slow; but the fact of breastfeeding was so painful that I just wanted to cry, the release of all the hormones I had in my body made me have mixed feelings. It was not only the physical pain that I had to go through but the mental pain that was looming from the changes, the sleep deprivation, the pain. I began to feel a deep sadness; a melancholy and rejection towards my baby, those were dark days of which I only remember breastfeeding, sleeping for two hours straight and then waking up to breastfeed again. The other care that my baby needed, such as bathing, changing him, washing his clothes, walking him, was in charge of a staff made up of his father and grandmothers. At least for that first month I avoided all contact in which my presence was not necessary; I didn't want to hold him, give him kisses or hugs, or change his diaper. I avoided at all costs attending to him in any way other than breastfeeding. I remember one of the hardest months I have experienced so far.
Al transcurrir ese mes, pude poco a poco hacerme cargo de mi hijo debido a fui quedando sola, cada quien tuvo que incorporarse a sus actividades habituales y yo tenía que estar sola con mi hijo, debía aprender porque ya el momento había llegado. Recuerdo que lo mejor de ese segundo mes era que ya me sentía mejor, la herida había cicatrizado, los dolores en el cuerpo se habían aplacado. Empecé a preocuparme por mi aspecto físico; a arreglarme las uñas, el cabello, a maquillarme, a vestirme con toda la ropa que no use esos meses, eso me ayudo a sentirme bien tanto por fuera como por dentro.
As that month went by, I was able to gradually take care of my son because I was left alone, everyone had to go back to their usual activities and I had to be alone with my son, I had to learn because the time had come. I remember that the best thing about that second month was that I felt better, the wound had healed, the pain in my body had subsided. I began to worry about my physical appearance; to fix my nails, my hair, to put on makeup, to dress with all the clothes I did not wear during those months, that helped me to feel good both inside and out.
Esos primeros 3 meses fueron muy difíciles, lo que aún no sabía, era que cada etapa durante su crecimiento tenía su propio nivel de dificultad en cualquier ámbito, de la misma manera que empecé a sentirme agotada, experimentaba esa sensación de alegría que me ponían los ojos como si tuviera cristales en la retina, con esas lagrimas ahí colgando de los lagrimales pero que no se atreven a salir, una emoción en medio de tanta responsabilidad y el cambio más radical de tu vida diaria. Durante todo tu embarazo escuchas mil consejos y entre ellos que los bebés los primeros meses duermen mucho, por experiencia propia, eso es solo un mito; mi bebé luchaba para no dormir sin haber cumplido el primer mes de nacido. Recuerdo aquellos días que de la manera más pacífica viendo a la nada quedaba despierto hasta 8 horas seguidas, si se cansaba, tomaba una siesta de 15 minutos para recuperar la energía, tenía consigo un cargador de carga rápida. Fueron los días más agotadores que luego se convirtieron en meses, era demandante y solo me quedaba llorar deseando que pasara rápido.
Those first 3 months were very difficult, what I didn't know yet, was that each stage during their growth had its own level of difficulty in any area, just as I began to feel exhausted, I experienced that feeling of joy that made my eyes like I had crystals in the retina, with those tears there hanging from the tears but not daring to come out, an emotion in the midst of so much responsibility and the most radical change in your daily life. Throughout your pregnancy you hear a thousand pieces of advice and among them that babies sleep a lot during the first months, from my own experience, that is just a myth; my baby struggled not to sleep even before he was one month old. I remember those days that in the most peaceful way looking at nothing he would stay awake up to 8 hours straight, if he got tired, he would take a 15 minute nap to recover his energy, he had a quick charge charger with him. Those were the most exhausting days that later turned into months, it was demanding and all I could do was cry wishing it would pass quickly.
Su segundo trimestre fue un poco menos agotador. Ya estaba perfeccionando el arte de mantenerme despierta sin desarrollar una adicción a la cafeína o a otras sustancias, el me mantenía despierta. Llegados los 5 meses; empezó a moverse más, a querer jugar, tomar cosas, llevarlas a su boca. Todos me aconsejaban que empezara a alimentarlo, no lo hice todavía porque las personas piensan que la experiencia en la materia tiene más peso que las recomendaciones de un pediatra. No hubo probaditas, ni nada parecido hasta los 6 meses. Cada etapa me asustaba, desbloqueaba miedos diferentes que no sabía que tenía.
His second trimester was a little less exhausting. He was already perfecting the art of keeping me awake without developing an addiction to caffeine or other substances, he was keeping me awake. At 5 months; he started moving around more, wanting to play, grab things, put them in his mouth. Everyone advised me to start feeding him, I didn't do it yet because people think that experience in the matter has more weight than a pediatrician's recommendations. There were no tastings or anything like that until he was 6 months old. Each stage scared me, unlocked different fears I didn't know I had.
Santi ya había cumplido sus seis meses; había llegado el momento de verlo probar alimentos por primera vez, esa idea que me aterraba tenía que pasar ya. Empecé a leer, a informarme sobre los mejores alimentos para empezar, su preparación, método para ofrecerlo. Leí toda la información al respecto para estar lista. Al principio yo misma lo alimentaba con sumo cuidado, con una cuchara decidí darle papillas. El resultado fue desastroso; nada le agradaba, aún tenía el reflejo de extrusión, escupía y lloraba sin permitir recibir ni una cucharada más. Fue un terrible comienzo en la alimentación. Por recomendación de los pediatras que pedí asesoría, seguí adelante ofreciendo varios alimentos, el seguía negándose a comer. Hasta que un día, tomo los alimentos con su mano y comió como si hubiese nacido para eso. Desde ese momento, le he ofrecido una dieta de solidos incluyendo los 5 grupos: cereales, frutas, vegetales, grasa (buena) y proteínas y por supuesto su lactancia materna.
Santi was already six months old; the time had come to see him try food for the first time, that idea that terrified me had to happen now. I started to read, to inform myself about the best foods to start with, their preparation, method to offer it. I read all the information about it to be ready. At the beginning I fed him myself very carefully, with a spoon I decided to give him porridge. The result was disastrous; nothing pleased him, he still had the extrusion reflex, he spat and cried and would not allow another spoonful. It was a terrible start in feeding. On the recommendation of the pediatricians I asked for advice, I went ahead offering various foods, he still refused to eat. Until one day, he took the food in his hand and ate as if he was born to it. From that moment on, I have offered him a solid diet including the 5 groups: cereals, fruits, vegetables, fat (good) and proteins and of course breastfeeding.
Todos esos meses transcurrieron rápido mientras me hacía experta en prepararle su dieta sana y balanceada a mi bebé. Muchos cambios en el se fueron dando poco a poco; el gateo, ponerse de pie con ayuda y sin ayuda, tomar cosa, jugar solito con sus juguetes y ponerme de pie por si solo para finalmente caminar. Fueron hermosos y únicos momentos que siempre atesoro viendo todas las fotos almacenadas que tengo. Desde los 6 meses hasta su primer año había crecido y aprendido mucho, en frente de mis ojos dejaba de ser un bebé para convertirse en un niño, cada etapa era nueva y diferente para mí.
All those months went by fast as I became an expert in preparing a healthy and balanced diet for my baby. Many changes in him were happening little by little; crawling, standing up with help and without help, drinking, playing alone with his toys and standing up on his own to finally walk. They were beautiful and unique moments that I always treasure looking at all the stored photos I have. From 6 months to his first year he had grown and learned a lot, in front of my eyes he was no longer a baby to become a child, each stage was new and different for me.
Justo hoy cumple sus 22 meses, su cumpleaños 2 está cerca. Solo cuando miro al pasado es que me doy cuenta lo mucho que ha aprendido por sí solo, lo inteligente y toda la personalidad que tiene a su corta me deja asombrada. Esta etapa se ha caracterizado por 2 procesos nuevos para él lo ha hecho de la mejor manera; controlar sus esfínteres para dejar el pañal y empezar a decir sus primeras palabras. Hace apenas unos meses empezó el control de esfínteres y dejó el pañal de manera definitiva, avisa cuando quiere ir al baño. Ha desarrollado gustos e intereses como toda persona. Ha aprendido a comunicarse a través de las palabras, lo he ayudado con una idea que me dio una amiga que trabajaba en una guardería. Son tarjetas con los nombres e imágenes de objetos, números, vocales. Se las muestro y se las repito 2 veces al día, de esa manera estimulo su lenguaje y siente la seguridad para emitir palabras porque sabe a lo que se refiere. Ha sido de gran ayuda para mí, hoy en día ya emite frases de 2 palabras y entiende todo lo que se le dice. Ellos aprenden solos, es un proceso del ser humano pero nunca esta demás ofrecerle una ayuda.
Just today he is 22 months old, his 2nd birthday is coming up. Only when I look back is that I realize how much he has learned on his own, how smart and all the personality he has at his short age leaves me amazed. This stage has been characterized by 2 new processes for him he has done in the best way; control his sphincters to leave the diaper and start saying his first words. Just a few months ago he started to control his sphincter and left the diaper for good, he tells us when he wants to go to the bathroom. He has developed tastes and interests like any other person. He has learned to communicate through words, I have helped him with an idea given to me by a friend who worked in a daycare center. They are cards with the names and images of objects, numbers, vowels. I show them to him and repeat them twice a day, that way I stimulate his language and he feels confident to say words because he knows what he is talking about. It has been a great help for me, today he already emits sentences of 2 words and understands everything that is said to him. They learn on their own, it is a human process but it is never too much to offer help.
La maternidad no es fácil, al menos por los primeros años, te sentirás agotada, querrás salir corriendo, te encerraras en el baño porque estas muy cansada, te desahogaras con alguien porque sientes que vas a explotar pero luego te das cuenta que es solo una etapa, mas será el tiempo que serán adultos y ya no querrán los mismos besos y abrazos que ahora piden. Irónicamente, extraño cuando estaba recién nacido, tenerlo así tan chiquito en mis brazos me hace dar cuenta que su niñez pasa demasiado rápida, aunque siempre este cansada porque todo se junta, disfruto cada etapa del niño que cambio mi vida para siempre y me enseño que existe una manera profunda de amar a alguien.
Motherhood is not easy, at least for the first few years, you will feel exhausted, you will want to run away, you will lock yourself in the bathroom because you are so tired, you will unburden yourself to someone because you feel like you are going to explode but then you realize that it is just a stage, more will be the time when they will be adults and they will no longer want the same kisses and hugs that they now ask for. Ironically, I miss when he was a newborn, having him so tiny in my arms makes me realize that his childhood goes by too fast, even though I am always tired because everything comes together, I enjoy every stage of the child that changed my life forever and taught me that there is a deep way to love someone.
Las imágenes son de mi autoria
The images are my own
Para la traduccion usé DeepL
For the translation I used the translator DeepL
| Sigueme en | Follow me on |
|---|---|
| Doriangelis Moreno | |
| Intagram |  |
| Telegram | Doris Moreno |