Chronicles of an Only Child: Cousins || Mom Life

“You are being selfish, he will need a sibling to be happy”

This and several other variations of the same phrase have been told to me, every single time I say I got my tubs cut and decided I won't be having any more children, even the doctor who did my surgery used this as a reason to try and not do it.

Family planning

I believe and support each woman has a right to choose what goes on with her body, also I believe in a partnership you should always discuss the future before making any life changing decision, my boyfriend and I had already been together for over 4 years when we had the talk, we both had luckily the same views, we didn’t want a big family and financially it was important for us to be able to afford all our kid needs and actually give him a good life. Living in Venezuela the financial aspect of it all was big, also by the time this was all decided Venezuela was going through the worse time ever and there were shortage of medicines including the birth control pill.

Taking all into consideration and adding the fact that I had to have a c-section, I asked my doctor to cut my tubs and just stay as parents to 1 child.

Having just 1 child, Was this selfish?

I have a sister on my mom side and 6 siblings on my dad side, my boyfriend has 4 brothers. So, we know what is like to have siblings and a big family, and even tho we both have good relationships with all our siblings we are not like super close to all of them, in my particular case I'm close to just one of my sisters and in my boyfriend case he is not really close to any of them like, he can count on them if he needs them but truth be told is not like he is friends with them.

So, this has shown us, that having siblings is not like necessarily giving our kids BBFs. When they are little sometimes, they even hate each other. And when they are older sometimes, they just grow apart.

A lady once said to me I was selfish cause having an only child meant he would be the only one responsible for the care of us, his parents, and would have not help from no one else.

Now, this is something that I'm not in agreed with, I don't feel like the parents should be the responsible for the kids when they are older, is not like they asked to be brought into this world, why do they have to take care of us in our old age, unless they want to of course. I believe is a responsibility for all to have arrangements and some savings to help take care of our old age not our children's faults our bad decisions or bad preparations.

If when we are old our child decides to help us it has to be something that he chooses to do and not as a burden.

Only child = lonely?

The good thing about having siblings is that they give you nephews and nieces and act out as siblings to our child.

On my side, he has 4 cousins 2 boys and 2 girls almost the same age, on his father's side he has also 4 cousins 2 boys and 2 girls but they are bigger in age. So, he has a close and really amazing to see relationship with my sister’s son, who is 2 years older than him but still a small child who loves to play and do everything as brothers would, they even dress the same.

They fight as well as little brothers, omg they always want the same toy, they want to play in a certain way that when the other one doesn't do it they get mad and cry, is pretty stressful actually.

We have been on a vacation trip to my hometown for over a month now and my child has had the opportunity to live/play with his cousin all this time under the same roof, and let me tell you I am happy I decided I am only having one kid, I have managed to survive during this whole month by knowing is not a permanent thing, that we will go back to our house and that we will go back to be an only child finally.

He is an only child but he is not lonely, he has his cousins to play with now and, in the future, I hope to count him as friends beyond just being family.

Right now, he looks at his older cousin to follow and to copy every single thing he does, I love seeing their interactions, how both learn from each other, how strong is their bond even tho they live miles apart and only see 2 or 3 times a year.

What if…?

I think if he didn’t have any cousins to enjoy, I still wouldn’t had have a second child, I think giving him the best life possible is only financially possible this way, also I see my kid enjoy his classmates so much now that he is in preschool, he has friends and actually enjoys so much going to school every day to see them.

I'm happy but more importantly, my kid is happy, I know he is not missing anything and he is not lonely maybe a little spoiled but I think every child is a little spoiled when their parents love them

As always, thank you for reading me, would love to read about your own experience on this, so please leave a comment or better yet, make a post in The Motherhood Community.

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