My Motherhood Journey: The Ups & Downs of This Roller-Coaster 🎢 || Free Write

I gave birth to the little one 2 years and 8 months ago, that is around 960 days, and when you said it like that you don’t really think is has been a long time, but omg I feel like a whole life I have been doing this whole motherhood thing. What a ride has been, from the moment I got the test results telling me I was pregnant to this very day, I feel like I have grown so much and learn so much about myself, about my partner and about life in general, is crazy how deeply motherhood changes you.

I actually wrote a post about my motherhood journey last year so it feels very fitting to do one now, I think it should be a thing to do to write about the last year of your motherhood. I did that post a free write so I'm planning on doing the same with this one.

My journey so far

Since last year post things hasn’t change that much, in that post I talked about how much fear I live in that something bad may happened to my kid, I feel this need deep inside me to overprotect the kid that amazes me and still stresses me out. I don’t worry by little things like he may fall to the grown when he is playing, I worry about the bad that is in the world.

Last month was our first ER trip that I talked about on this post and that day I lived my worse nightmare, I mean thank god it was nothing major or really serious but just having him in there with the IV is exactly what I worry all day long, something bad happening and not being able to protect him. I know it may not seem rational but i feel in constant scare, every time I see his beautiful smile, I pray for him to be healthy and safe and can continue to smile every day. I have been able to read on the community other mom’s posts and I have notice I'm not the only one who leaves in constant fear for their child, this is a common denominator for moms. I think is in our motherhood instincts to always be on the lookout for our kids to protect them and well the whole world is a scary place so it doesn't help at all. But this is something I have learn to live with and there is nothing I can actually do cause I know even if my son is 100 years I will still worry about him is just a mom thing to do. I wish people would had told me about this.

The pandemic has helped a little to keep him safe from the outside world, but on the other hand it has keep him from enjoying it like I would like, I have never been a very outdoorsy kind of person, but my kid loves to be outside, he doesn't mind it if is just walking endlessly or going to somewhere he just loves to be outside the house and is not like we don’t have a huge backyard or like we haven't actually fix it to make it a fun place to be at, yet my kid still prefers to go outside. I feel like this lockdown has taken opportunities away from my kid and I feel sad about that but it has also allow me to take time to adapt to the new paths my kid has to take like starting preschool or daycare, I want him to go I want him to make new friends to experience the whole learning new stuff but I don’t want him to be away from me for that many hours in a place fill with completely strangers to me, so this kind of stuff has been going on in my head now.

I sometimes think he is too attached to me, like he literally has to be right next to me all the time and to my boobies specially lol cause yes even tho he is 2 years old already almost 3 actually he is still breastfeed on demand this means he gets boob time whenever he wants, I cant actually sit in the same room where he is without him coming to sit next to me to ask me for boob time, and even tho I complain he doesn't let me do much he doesn't let me work or even clean the house when he is awake, I enjoy this I feel like I'm fulfilling my life purpose that is to make him happy. Is like when my boyfriend and I talk about maybe start putting him to sleep on his own bed, I feel like omg I miss being able to sleep without having someone leeching on my boobs all night or almost falling from bed all the time cause the kid takes all the bed to him and leaves me only with a small place next to the edge, yet when I think on not sleeping with him anymore I feel sad, the whole thing makes me feel crazy I want him out but I don’t lol.

I have a very annoying little guy that I keep complaining is a handful but truth be told when we go out to buy groceries or on our last road trip I notice how well behave my kid really is, he may be a little too curious but he is obedient and doesn't do a whole scene when we go out, I'm thankful for this and I feel is my boyfriend and I way to raise him that we must be doing something right and makes me feel proud.

Who would had though 3 years ago that I would end up loving being a mom, I have enjoy the journey so far and even tho I don’t feel ready for what is to come I do feel excited and know I will continue to enjoy doing the most important job of my life. I will end this post sharing pics of my kid smile that is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and that makes me just happy.

As always, would love to read about your own experience on this, so please leave a comment or better yet, make a post in The Motherhood Community.

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