The Mental Struggles of Breastfeeding || Mom Life

From the moment you learn you are pregnant you begin to think about it, for me is been 2 years and 10 months and I'm still here thinking about it.

Research indicates breastfeeding has positive effects on the mother's and child's mental health. These benefits include improved mood and stress levels in the mother, lower risk of postpartum depression, enhanced social emotional development in the child, stronger mother-child bonding and more. – source.

Breastfeeding is AWESOME don't get me wrong and it has the best benefits not only for your kid but for you too, but… when you are the mother to a demanding little being who believes he is some kind of leach well it can be too much at times.

The doubt

When you are pregnant this is the more common feeling about breastfeeding, would I be able?, would it hurt?, would it be enough? it creates so much stress on you, at least it did on me, I was fearful of not being able and having to give formula to my baby, not that there is anything wrong with formula, but that wasn’t what I wanted nor what I could afford, so not being able to breastfeed was a constant fear of mine.

Then he was born and I have to be honest I wish I had read more about the subject before cause maybe I would have been more prepare and wouldn’t have spend that whole first night crying along with my baby cause he didn’t know how to drink and I didn’t know how to feed him. By the second day we had figure it out thank god and I felt so powerful on being able to do this to feed my kid and provide with all his needs of love, protection and food all in just one act.

The recommended time to breastfeed

Exclusive breastfeeding up to 6 months of age with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to 2 years of age or longer. - The WHO (World Health Organization).

Now this is another stress time for moms, first you have what science says about breastfeeding exclusively until 6months old and then you have family as close to you as your won mom telling you how you need to feed your baby food cause your milk won’t be enough, thank god I didn’t went through this, to be honest maybe cause I didn’t surrounded myself by toxic people like that and also cause my mom and mother-in-law were also breastfeeding moms who knew I needed their support. But I would advise don't pay attention to what people say, just use your maternal instincts and do what it feels right to do for you and your baby, no one knows better what he needs than you!

When we went pass the 6months mark we started trying with the whole complementary food, he did eat a little at least much more than what he eats right now, but I still didn’t feel comfortable taking the boobs away from him. Again, when we reach the 1year mark, since this point on the number of people saying what I should or shouldn’t do with my own body and my own kid grow up exponentially and it gets really annoying so I just tell people to go F!@#$ themselves instead of comment on my decision making with my body and kid.

Feeling trap

I don't know how else describe it, like I said I loveeeeeee being able to provide all that breastfeeding gives to a child and I also liked the benefices I got like loosing weight faster even tho I eat like a trucker, but here is the thing when you breastfeeding on demand it literally means on demand and I have a very demanding kid, since he figured out how to actually suck after that first awful first night, the little dude doesn't want to leave my poor boobs alone, like I'm typing this right now with the kid stuck to the right boob.

I sometimes feel since he was born all I do is sit here with him to feed him, and I love it but sometimes I hate it and want to start running away from him, I feel trapped in this situation by the love I have for my child and this need to feel like much more than a feeding machine.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the number of things I need to get done and can’t cause I'm here stuck with this huge boy on my lap glue to me, then I feel bad about feeling trapped and is a whole toxic circle of emotions.

If just tell him no, baby you have to wait mommy is busy right now, you need to wait a little and he starts crying I just can’t resist him and stop what I'm doing to breastfeed him, this makes me feel really annoyed like OMG I can’t seriously have just 2 seconds to finish work but at the same time I feel really guilty my baby wants to eat and be near me and I can’t say no to that. 😕 the struggle is real.

So, I get it how the breastfeeding helps with mental health of the mom and baby but I also feel it can affect it in a negative way.

Why i don't just stop it all he is big now

Well, my baby doesn't really eat much like I'm not exaggerating, he really doesn't eat some days nothing at all but his breastmilk, this added to the fact that he is not only a really healthy boy but he also is really chubby and growing beyond his age mark, leaving even his own pediatrician amaze. So, we credit the breastmilk he gets for all this and I feel fearful that if I stopped suddenly, he will start losing weight or worse will get sick.

So, I have decided to continue the breastfeeding for now, he is almost 3 years old and his pediatrician says is good to breastfeed until he is at least 4 if I feel comfortable, I think I will continue to do it until he is able to go to a preschool (the pandemic has mess with this plans, since I wanted to enroll him in a maternal school this year but wont be able).

Will I be able to continue breastfeeding while feeling like I do? Yes I don't feel like is too intense the trapped feeling just yet lol so I know if I ever feel worse i would have to stop, but for now I can sacrifice myself a little I mean is not like this will last forever, he will grow old and even will get to a point where he wont need me at all anymore and just thinking of that my friends breaks my heart.

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