Gentle Goals, Real Life, and Starting Again (Any Day)
The Support and Kindness Podcast opens the 2026 season with a warm, grounded conversation about why New Year’s resolutions so often fall apart, and what can actually help them last. Host Greg Shaw is joined by Rich, Jay, Derek, and Sarah for a mix of practical goal-setting, honesty, and encouragement that feels especially relevant to anyone living with stress, disability, chronic illness, grief, recovery, or “life being a lot.”
This episode shares personal reflections and is not a substitute for professional advice.
In this episode, you’ll explore:
Why self-compassion matters more than willpower
How to turn vague resolutions into clear, doable goals
Why you can start fresh on any date, not just January 1
How accountability and community can make change feel less lonely
A Fresh Start Is Human (and It’s Older Than You Think)
Greg begins by naming what many of us feel in January: the new year can spark hope, but it can also trigger pressure and self-judgment. He offers a different starting point:
“Before you set any goal, start with self-compassion. Forgive yourself for what didn’t go as planned.”
That idea is strongly supported by what psychologists typically mean by self-compassion: treating yourself with kindness (instead of harsh self-judgment), recognizing your struggles are part of being human, and staying mindful rather than spiraling.
Helpful definitions:
APA Dictionary: https://dictionary.apa.org/self-compassion
Kristin Neff (self-compassion framework): https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/
Greg also shares a quick history of why humans even make these promises in the first place, often traced to ancient New Year traditions (including Roman customs connected to Janus, the god of beginnings) and early practices of making vows at the start of a new year.
Background sources (history):
Britannica (Janus): https://www.britannica.com/topic/Janus-Roman-god
History.com (Origins of resolutions): https://www.history.com/news/the-history-of-new-years-resolutions
National Geographic (Origins of resolutions): https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/article/ancient-origins-of-new-years-resolutions
The “Quitter’s Day” Dip and Why Resolutions So Often Collapse
Greg mentions common resolution statistics and the cultural idea of “Quitter’s Day” (often described as the point in January when many people give up). The big truth behind all the numbers is simple: the calendar doesn’t magically change our habits. We start strong, life happens, and shame tries to take the microphone.
A quick fact-check note (to keep this accurate): the exact percentages around “who makes resolutions” and “how many succeed” vary a lot by study and how success is defined. Some surveys land around about a third of U.S. adults making resolutions, while other reports put the number higher depending on the year and sample.
Polling examples:
Pew Research (example resolution polling): https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/12/31/what-are-americans-new-years-resolutions/
YouGov (resolution polling example): https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/51664-new-years-resolutions-poll
About “Quitter’s Day”: many media sources repeat “the second Friday in January,” while others cite different dates (like the second Tuesday) depending on the dataset used. It’s best treated as a motivational shorthand for “the mid-January slump,” not a scientifically fixed date.
Examples:
Strava challenge page referencing “Quitter’s Day”: https://www.strava.com/challenges/apple-watch-quit-quitting
Vox explanation of how “Quitter’s Day” became a thing: https://www.vox.com/2019/1/17/18185460/quitters-day-date
Greg’s explanation for why resolutions fall apart is refreshingly practical: goals can be unclear, motivation can be shaky, and people often try to change too much at once, without a plan.
There’s also a well-known research idea that helps explain why New Year motivation can feel powerful: the “fresh start effect,” where temporal landmarks (like a new year, birthday, or Monday) can boost motivation, but the boost doesn’t automatically last without systems and support.
Fresh start effect (research):
- Original paper (Dai, Milkman, Riis): https://www.nber.org/papers/w21137
“Resolution” vs. “Goal”: Make It Small, Specific, and Kind
One of Greg’s most useful lines is this:
“A resolution is often a promise made in the moment. A goal has steps, structure, and a plan.”
He highlights the SMART method and explains it in plain language:
Specific, Measurable, Realistic, Meaningful, Time-based.
SMART goals are widely taught in schools, workplaces, and coaching because they turn fuzzy intentions into concrete plans.
Background (SMART goals origin and usage):
Doran (1981) original SMART framing (archived PDF copy): https://community.mis.temple.edu/mis0855002fall2015/files/2015/10/S.M.A.R.T-Way-Management-Review.pdf
MindTools SMART goals explainer: https://www.mindtools.com/a4wo118/smart-goals
Greg’s example is excellent:
Vague: “I want to stress less.”
More actionable: “I’ll block 30 minutes every morning before work for a quiet routine…”
He also adds two gentle “language upgrades” that can reduce shame:
Replace “always” and “never” with flexible, human wording.
Use visualization as clarity (not pressure): imagine what “going well” looks like in a simple, realistic way.
And then he says the part many of us need to hear:
“Perfection isn’t required… missing a day doesn’t mean you failed.”
Lived Experience Round: What Each Voice Brings Into 2026
This episode really shines when everyone stops “performing improvement” and just speaks honestly.
Rich: You don’t have to wait for January 1
Rich reflects on how his early twenties were full of big, grand “five-year-plan” resolutions - too large to track, too hard to be accountable to, and honestly… not fair to himself.
“We can choose to begin a life adjustment at any time, not just the new year.”
That matters for anyone who lives with unpredictable health, disability, caregiving demands, or recovery, where rigid timelines can backfire.
Jay: Health first, weight loss optional, and plans that you can actually follow
Jay names a very common goal, but with a healthier tone:
“My main goal is improving my health. If weight loss happens, that’s a bonus.”
He also shares that quitting smoking outside of January became a major positive shift - proof of Rich’s point: life changes don’t need a holiday to “count.”
Jay mentions he’s on a GLP-1 medication for diabetes. For readers who want context (not advice): GLP-1 receptor agonists are a class of medications used for type 2 diabetes and, in some cases, obesity/weight management under medical supervision.
Neutral medical context (not advice):
StatPearls overview: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK551568/
CDC overview of newer diabetes medicines (includes GLP-1): https://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/data-research/research/new-diabetes-medicines.html
Jay’s most “doable” strategy is beautifully simple:
“Even sitting down and writing it on paper… small goals leading up to the big goal.”
Derek: Focus, reminders, and permission to begin again
Derek speaks to something many people struggle with - distraction, losing focus, and self-created stress, and he keeps circling back to restarting without shame:
“The next moment - start brand new… You can start anew whenever you put your mind to it.”
That’s not just motivational. It’s a practical kindness practice: don’t punish yourself for slipping; return to the next right step.
Sarah: After a brutal year, “not having a plan is a plan”
Sarah shares that she typically doesn’t do New Year’s resolutions anymore, and after a painful 2025, she’s not naming the year or forcing an “intention.”
“Not having a plan is having a plan in and of itself.”
She also mentions starting the year with a slower reset, reading a book she calls The Simplified Life as a way to reprioritize and breathe.
A close match (title-based) is:
- A Simplified Life: Tactical Tools for Intentional Living (Emily Ley):[ https://www.emilyley.com/products/a-simplified-life
](https://www.emilyley.com/products/a-simplified-life)*Note: If Sarah meant a different book with a similar title, consider this a best-match link, not a correction.*
Greg: A resolution as kindness toward yourself
Greg’s personal “goal” is more heart-centered than checklist-centered:
“I’m just gonna try and do a better job of being a decent human being today than I did yesterday…”
He also names something many of us quietly live with:
“It’s so much easier when you’re doing something for somebody else… I can do for others what I can’t do for myself.”
That’s a powerful reflection for anyone working on self-worth, depression, anxiety, trauma recovery, chronic pain, or disability, where self-care can feel harder than caring for others.
“What’s On Your Heart” Round: Family, Gratitude, and Slowing Down
This part of the episode shifts from plans to what people are carrying.
Greg says what’s on his heart is family.
Rich shares that family and long-term decisions weigh on him, especially after TBIs affecting long-term planning.
Jay says gratitude - including gratitude for sobriety and time with his mother.
Derek shares a desire to “slow it down,” widen perspective, and be kinder to the people closest to him.
Sarah shares gratitude for supportive people and a desire to simplify the “whirlwind.”
It’s a gentle reminder: sometimes the most important “resolution” is not a project, it’s a relationship, a breath, or a softer way of speaking to yourself.
Key Takeaways
Start with self-compassion. Change sticks better when it’s supported by kindness - not shame.
You can start anytime. A reset doesn’t require January 1; it can start on a random Tuesday.
Turn vague wishes into actions. SMART-style goals create clarity and reduce overwhelm.
Small wins build real momentum. Baby steps are not “lesser” - they’re sustainable.
Plan for time, not just motivation. Calendars, reminders, and routines help habits survive real life.
Accountability is care, not pressure. A friend, group, or community can keep you steady.
Gratitude strengthens follow-through. Not as toxic positivity - but as a way to notice what’s working.
Progress beats perfection. Missing a day isn’t failure; it’s a moment to begin again.
Closing
If you’ve ever felt like resolutions only lead to guilt, this episode offers a kinder path: choose one or two clear goals, keep them small, and let your plan be human. If any part of this conversation resonates with you, share your thoughts in the comments .
Question for Readers
What’s one gentle change you’re trying this year, and what kind of support helps you keep going?
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https://luma.com/calendar/cal-oyT0VPlVTKCPxBw
Resources & Links Mentioned
Support & Community
KindnessRX (main site): https://kindnessrx.org
KindnessRX Luma calendar (weekly groups): https://luma.com/calendar/cal-oyT0VPlVTKCPxBw
Email (from the episode): info@kindnessrx.org
Research, Stats, and Useful Context
Pew Research (resolution polling example): https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/12/31/what-are-americans-new-years-resolutions
YouGov (resolution polling example): https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/51664-new-years-resolutions-poll
“Quitter’s Day” (Strava challenge page reference): https://www.strava.com/challenges/apple-watch-quit-quitting
Vox on “Quitter’s Day” and January motivation: https://www.vox.com/2019/1/17/18185460/quitters-day-date
Fresh start effect (temporal landmarks): https://www.nber.org/papers/w21137
New Year’s resolutions study (Oscarsson et al., PLOS ONE): https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0234097
Goal-Setting Frameworks
SMART goals (original Doran PDF copy): https://community.mis.temple.edu/mis0855002fall2015/files/2015/10/S.M.A.R.T-Way-Management-Review.pdf
SMART goals explainer (MindTools): https://www.mindtools.com/a4wo118/smart-goals
Self-compassion (APA dictionary): https://dictionary.apa.org/self-compassion
Self-compassion framework (Kristin Neff): https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2
TED Talks & Videos (Topic-Related)
Stephen Duneier - “How to Achieve Your Most Ambitious Goals” (TEDxTucson):
Adithya Chakravarthy - “How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution” (TEDxGateway):
Nikki Gingrich - “Creating Habits for a Successful Life” (TEDxNapaValley):
Christine Carter - “The 1-Minute Secret to Forming a New Habit” (TED audio/podcast listing): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-1-minute-secret-to-forming-a-new-habit/id160904630?i=1000626136040
TED Masterclass Blog - “4 Habits to Achieve Your Goals”: https://www.ted.com/blog/4-habits-to-achieve-your-goals
Books Mentioned or Closely Related
Atomic Habits (James Clear): https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits
The Power of Habit (Charles Duhigg): https://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit
A Simplified Life (Emily Ley - close match to Sarah’s reference): https://www.emilyley.com/products/a-simplified-life
Worksheets, Templates, and Trackers (Practical Tools)
Free SMART Goals Template (101 Planners): https://www.101planners.com/smart-goals-template
SMART Goals Worksheet (ProjectManager): https://www.projectmanager.com/templates/smart-goals-worksheet
Free SMART Goals Template (Tability): https://tability.io/smart-goals-template
Habit Trackers (Lambert’s Lately): https://lambertslately.com/habit-tracker-printables
Habit Trackers (The Housewife Modern): https://www.thehousewifemodern.com/8-free-printable-habit-trackers
Self-Compassion & Gratitude Tools
Self-Compassion Worksheet (Sagebrush Counseling): https://www.sagebrushpsych.com/self-compassion-worksheet
Self-Compassion Exercises & Worksheets (PositivePsychology): https://positivepsychology.com/self-compassion-exercises-worksheets
Free Printable Gratitude Journal (101 Planners): https://www.101planners.com/gratitude-journal
“Give THANKS” Gratitude Journal Template (Josie Robinson): https://www.josierobinson.com/products/give-thanks-gratitude-journal
Help & Support (U.S. + International)
If you are in immediate danger or thinking about harming yourself, please reach out to a trusted person or local emergency/crisis services right away.
United States
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call/text/chat): https://988lifeline.org
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): https://www.nami.org
SAMHSA (treatment locator + resources): https://www.samhsa.gov
MentalHealth.gov: https://www.mentalhealth.gov/
APA stress resources (topic hub): https://www.apa.org/topics/stress
Canada
Canada 988: https://988.ca
Canada “Get help” hub (government): https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html
United Kingdom / Ireland
Samaritans (UK & ROI): https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone
NHS help for suicidal thoughts: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/help-for-suicidal-thoughts
Mind (helplines list): https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/mental-health-helplines
Australia
- Lifeline Australia: https://www.lifeline.org.au
Global directory
- IASP crisis centres & helplines directory: https://www.iasp.info/crisis-centres-helplines
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Edited with the help of ChatGPT. Images were created using Nano Banana. I hold a commercial license for each.