It's very difficult to understand how so many people are constantly exposed to resentment and several negative emotions because of a grudge that they are holding in their hearts. The thing about having such resentment against someone is that it also hurts you who's bearing the grudge.
Is that the best approach to take? Even if it's justifiable for us to be resentful towards ourselves or another person, can't we just show forgiveness to ourselves and to others?
Doing things that warrant misunderstanding or things that make people feel offended is already part of our existential problem as humans. As long as we are alive, we will always at some point do something that will make someone feel offended. Just go and tweet "Good Morning" on your Twitter account. Some people will read that and think "What's freaking good about this morning?". Haha. It's just like that.
In the same manner, as far as you are alive, there will always come a point when people will do things that you will find offensive. Of course, some things are more offensive than others. However, being able to forgive people who offend you is something I take as a healthier approach to take instead of being resentful and getting overwhelmed by negative emotions.
Do you know that whenever there is talk about forgiveness, it's always common for the "forgive and forget" quote to come up? I don't know how you approach it in your life, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm always ready to forgive someone, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to forget what the person did.
Here's how I look at it;
When I forgive you, I'm showing you kindness by doing so. You can be sure that I won't bear any grudge against you and I won't be retaliating for your actions. It's also an act of kindness to myself. It helps me to heal from whatever you did.
The fact that I will forgive is a given, however, I won't forget your actions. If I forget, you may end up doing the same again and I will surely get burnt again. However, my choosing to not forget makes it easier for me to not let you burn me again out of my naive optimism.
A very mild reference to this is an encounter I had with a friend a few years ago. I was shopping for stuff online when he picked out two shoes and promised to pay me at a specific date if I helped him get the shoes. I didn't mind because I believed he would stick to his words. I ordered the shoes and they were delivered to him.
I waited for longer than a while for him to reimburse me the money he promised, but nothing came. I called to remind him about it and nothing inspiring came from his response. It's been 3 years already and I've already written off the money as bad debt. We are still friends because I made peace with the fact that the money is gone.
However, he knows best that anything involving "buy this for me... I will reimburse you later" isn't going to fly with me anymore. He has tried a couple of times, but I always decline. That's my way of making sure we won't have to deal with any misunderstanding that will arise if he fails to keep to his words again.
Forgiving without forgetting as an act of kindness towards oneself and others is likely going to be an unpopular opinion regarding kindness. It would be interesting to hear people's thoughts on this.
Kindness Journal
As part of the self-reflective and self-sacrificing exercise for this collaborative challenge, we were encouraged to keep a kindness Journal for each week. The one for this second week starts from last week Friday to this day. I'm keeping mine simple and straight to the point;
Friday: I helped a few people understand how to claim digs and buy more digs in our Dreemie Treasure Hunt.
Saturday: The lad that helps me refill my water containers in this dry season came as usual to do his work. He did it nicely. So, I decided to overpay him for his service.
Sunday: I went to watch my Club play an EPL game and decided to pay the viewing fee for another person.
Monday: My friend who's working really hard to learn Spanish in Duolingo got a lot of encouraging words from me that day and for the most part of the week.
Tuesday: I reached out to my brother who's writing his MBBS Exams and wished him good luck with his papers.
Wednesday: We had an electricity connectivity issue in my compound. We would have paid for someone to come and take care of it, but I knew my way around the problem. So, I stepped up, solved the issue and everyone smiled back to their apartment.
Thursday: My lady has been playfully troublesome since this morning. She randomly calls just to cause trouble. Haha. I understood the gesture, so I played along and gave her bigger playful trouble. Lol. It's nice to hear her smile from side to side whenever she realizes that I'm just causing playful chaos.
Thanks For Not Missing Any Full-stop or Comma.
Thumbnail Image is taken from Unsplash
Additional Image is also taken from Unsplash.