It's a "thing" that many people suffer from, and rarely talk about. That niggle. That feeling that one day someone will shout loudly, point accusingly and call you out publicly for being less than you claim to be.
Imposter Syndrome, it's called.
It's a strange disconnect many of us have between the self we present to the world, the self we deep down feel ourselves to be and the self we have heard others declare us to be. It can be paralyzing, can create high levels of background stress that hold us back and can limit us from reaching for that thing, that dream we really want but feel we somehow may not be entitled to.
Photo by John Noonan on Unsplash
Yesterday I gifted myself a rare hour to join an small group online to talk about Imposter Syndrome. It was led by a coaching friend living here in Thailand, Justin Lee. Hong-Kong-American Justin and I have been friends for some years, and it because I have witnessed the humble way he consistently presents himself, and the authentic-gentle way he puts his coaching offerings forward, that I decided to join the session.
What can you learn about Imposter Syndrome in an hour? Turns out, quite a lot!
It helped me a lot to tighten my understanding of what it really is:
- A psychological pattern of doubt;
- Fear of being exposed;
- Mistaking what we think others believe about us with who we really are.
It wasn't the first time I'd thought about Imposter Syndrome, but it was by far the most helpful!! Previously, I'd intellectually read about it, understood it to some degree, but really ended up back in the same place: only now knowing I was an imposter, but having no way forward.
Game-changer?
Yesterday Justin asked us to consider the elephant in the room - with courage and kindness - about what might be true and underlying our self doubt... and what might help us to breach the gap towards building our confidence and capacity.
What are the things I might learn, practice, think or do differently, that might help me grow my capacity and confidence?
Perhaps the biggest take-home for me was "What is the cost of my inaction on others? If I never do-be-discover that "thing" that burns in my soul, how will the people I love and the people who depend on me be impoverished?"
Another HUGE take home for me was that some of the ideas about daily tasks I have learned and absorbed may actually be hindering me. That old A-B-C of task management - do that one, big, game-changing thing first BEFORE you touch anything else? What if that leads to such an overwhelm of Imposter Syndrome that I do nothing for 5 days except feel bad for not doing anything? Justin suggested a liberating idea:
What is the simplest, gentlest next step?
Today I have found myself quietly grateful for Covid, and the technology that enables me to join with others in different places and time-zones, but who share wisdom, similar challenges and who are able to support me to achieve my next steps.
Have YOU ever felt the fear of someone tearing off your mask? That feeling of "If they know who I really am, they won't love me?" Has it held you back?
There are loads of resources in the world, but I'd like to recommend personally Justin for anyone considering unblocking and unlocking themselves. You can reach him through his website, http://soulfultintimacy.com or follow him on Instagram 
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