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Self-sabotage will make danger look like comfort, and enemies look like friends.
― Andrena Sawyer
Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the holidays in your own way. The new year is traditionally a time of reflection. It’s a time to think about the past, as well as the future.
I was reflecting this morning on an old memory. Back in my community college days, I had a job at Golds’ Gym.
One day while I was working at the gym, I was extolling the virtues of pull-ups to a friend. My friend, who had a great sense of humor, was self-deprecating to the point of being self-defeating.
During our conversation my buddy said point blank, “I don’t do pull-ups because I’m fat.”
I said, “whoa, go easy on yourself. You don’t need to do full pull-ups to get the benefits.” I pointed to the assisted pull-up machine in the back. “You can use that over there.”
He shook his head, “Nah man, I’m too embarrassed to use that machine.”
In kind of a knee jerk reaction, I gave him an incredulous look and said …”so you’re not going to do any?” It was a light bulb moment because he looked at me like I flipped a switch inside him. “Good point,” he replied.
There’s a term for what my friend was doing to himself. It’s called self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage creeps into our lives in subtle ways. It keeps us stuck, stifles personal growth, and puts limits where there need not be any. It can look like the following…
- Thinking you need to get in shape before joining a gym.
- Not signing up for karate lessons because you’re embarrassed to wear a white belt.
- Avoiding a promotion.
- Not applying for your dream job because you don’t like interviewing; or, you’re afraid you’ll fail if you get the job.
- Being chronically late.
- Always forgetting things.
- Pretending to not be as smart as you are.
The author Brianna Wiest said in her best-selling book “The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery”
In reality, self-sabotage is simply the presence of an unconscious need that is being fulfilled by the self-sabotaging behavior.
According to Brianna Wiest, we always get we want, even when we self-sabotage. Because, self-sabotage is a maladaptive way of getting an unconscious, and contradictory need met.
I’m going to lay down a New Year's challenge for y'all. Think about the different areas of your life (relationships, health, career, etcetera…) and see if you can identify a self-sabotaging behavior that’s holding you back. When you find one, identify the unconscious need you’re meeting with the behavior.
This is an excellent journal or blogging exercise.
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