Squiggly lining

That's me - Not so great but it's the only face I've got so have to work with it. My face manages to arrange itself into different looks being happy, sad, angry, determined and neutral plus a couple more. So what is this one saying?

Until I become a crypto-billionaire [go crypto!] I have to work and Monday to Friday I perform my job-function to the best of my ability. I take the fact someone pays me to do my job very seriously...It's a self-respect thing and I work hard to perform and to gain desired results as that achievement is linked to my integrity and self-respect at work.

I have an annual budget I've never failed to meet and I get paid by salary plus a bonus paid on figures over-budget. This means making budget isn't sufficient, I have to exceed it to ensure bonus payments. In normal years it's not been a problem and I've walked away at the end of the fiscal year feeling happy with my years' result and bonus. But now?

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Last year I reached my annual budget before March and with four months in hand prior to fiscal year-end I'd expected to exceed it by a good sum meaning a healthy bonus payment. By the second week of March covid-restrictions hit and I was forced to work from home. Just like that my year fell apart with no chance to get the job done - To exceed budget. I made my salary plus a small bonus and wasn't best-pleased.

I'm in a similar situation this year although I haven't yet made budget; I'm not far short and am confident I'll make it but it'll be close and making budget doesn't get me bonus payments. The face you're looking at is my yet to make budget and annoyed about it grumpy face!

The last half of 2020 was flat for me despite the December quarter improving over the September quarter. It wasn't enough though...I'm grinding it now in a bid to bring it all together - Not making my budget won't have employment ramifications for me, but from a personal perspective, my self-esteem, not reaching budget will be very bad. It basically renders the entire year pointless and I'm not into pointlessness.

Finding the ability to keep my attitude in the right place is critical to achieving results and this goes for my work, shooting-sports, friendships, in fact every aspect of my life and yes, I'll admit that sometimes I struggle to maintain that attitude. Sometimes weight piles on and it feels like I'll be crushed. I'm at that point at the moment to be honest.

It's not all work either as I've had a few personal things pop up that required a huge amount of energy and due to the extreme importance of that scenario I gave it letting my working week spiral out of control; I'd do that again too, the scenario means much to me.

Maintaining my attitude is critical and one way I use to help nudge me back on track is to read quotes, something I find a lot of value in. I read a lot of military ones, but others also. One that stands out is a quote [motto] from the Navy SEAL teams that reads:

The only easy day was yesterday

It means that things will get harder tomorrow than they are today and is used by the Team's trainers to inspire ownership and responsibility, to motivate and push people to dig deeper within to find what's required to achieve mission-success moving forward - In their case pushing through their brutal training of the Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL (BUD/S) course, and then on into the field; In truth their training is designed to have people fail as they only want the best, but that's another post. It works for me too though.

I aim directly at the things I want or wish to achieve, but we rarely have the ability to drive arrow-straight at a thing. We waver, head off track and on tangents for many different reasons...This is why my path towards the things I achieve is more of a squiggly line, that tends to go in the right general direction, than a completely straight one. This wouldn't get me through BUD/S of course, but it might get me budget in the 20/21 fiscal year and other things I'm focused on having in my life...So I nudge and keep moving.

Every now and then I need to bump myself back on track and I've had to do so this week. If I make budget great, if I do not then it won't be for lack of effort and I'm going to have to make peace with it at the time. For now I'm just squiggly-lining my way towards it, and other things.