Trust should be the basis for all our moral training.
- Robert Baden-Powell -
I've recently had cause to contemplate trust and what it means to me when I have it, and when I do not. I'll not go into specifics of course, you don't need to know, however I've been thinking about the trust humans place in each other and themselves and what it would be like if every single person on the planet was trustworthy and were incapable of lying. I think it would be a messed up world to be honest, although there'd surely be some incredibly funny moments too. Conversely, there'd be a lot of pain and suffering that could come from brutal honesty as well.
Self trust circle
There's so many different forms of trust and it comes out in various ways however I believe the most important is trust in oneself - if a person cannot trust themselves it's unlikely they'll be trusted in return, or that they'll act in a decent manner by design. The saying, it's what you do when no one is looking that truly defines you, comes to mind. But should we blindly trust ourselves or do we need to constantly earn our own trust by doing the right things consistently, being the best version of ourselves?
I am going to say, yes, I trust myself. But have I always been my best version? I'd be lying if I said I had, as would everyone.
I trust in my abilities though, physical skills, thoughts and attitudes and that trust keeps me moving forward and motivated to take actions that help me design my life. Whilst I might not move arrow straight all the time, going in the right general direction is good enough, as long as I am self-honest enough to see when I'm drifting and do what I must to get back on track.
So, that's self trust for me. There's other elements, but I don't want to get too personal. But what about the trust I place in others? That's not as easily explained...and certainly not as easily given.
General trust circle
People need to earn my trust and it's not the easiest thing to do. I've had situations in which I placed trust with the wrong people; getting burned isn't a nice feeling. It hurts, the amount of hurt depends on what, who, how and why and it can cause many unproductive emotions which can spiral out of control and have lasting effects. It can shake one's confidence and, for me, has affected who I am as a person, with myself and others. So, with me, people start at zero trust and work upwards or downwards from there.
I know, there's people out there who blindly trust others before gathering information and it might even work a few times, but it's not the way to go in my opinion. One must build trust over time and experience and I take the time to do that with others, and expect others to do the same with me should they want my trust. It's ok if they don't of course, they just don't get my trust.
Having said all that, I still don't fully trust many people. There's a few yes, but most will never have it and I think that's acceptable - It's my life to do with as I wish right? I have a circle of trust, like most people, and even within that circle some information is never divulged, or it might to one and not to the other. Information is power so one must be a little mindful of who has which information. I think it's prudent.
Trust and honesty fit together like coffee and cookies and I mentioned above about brutal honesty. Being honest helps build trust of course and lying destroys it, but is there a time for both? Do truth and lies fit together like honesty and trust? I think they do.
Imagine meeting someone for the first time and being brutally honest with them...something like:
"Oh hello, aren't you just the fattest, ugliest and most heinous piece of shit I've ever had the displeasure of meeting!"
Hmm, I think that might be quite hurtful to the person and destructive to the process of relationship building. It might be the truth though. So, you see what I mean? There's a time and place for brutal honesty.
What about this one:
Husband: "Hey babe, can you tell I've been working out on the home gym?"
Wife: "No, you're still the same flabby, untoned, weakling you were a month ago and taking protein supplements is never going to help because you're not working hard enough and consistently enough to make tangible gains."
Brutally honest, but is that going to motivate the poor fellow or help the relationship? I don't think so.
I think you get what I mean. Sometimes human beings need to be brutally honest, I think we should be with ourselves for sure, and sometimes it's ok to tell a little lie, a white lie they call it, as sometimes it's more encouraging and appropriate than the absolute truth.
Maybe the wife could have said:
"You're looking a little more toned each week, superguy. I know how hard you've been working and you're beginning to show some results. Do you feel you've got the balance between the right weights, exercises and frequency to achieve the gains you want?"
Something like that anyway, ad a squeeze on the bum or a warm smile and boom, it's party time! It's not the brutal truth of course, but is probably going to make the poor fellow feel a little better, more confident, and may even lead him to evaluate what he's doing and to work a little harder. It's a more productive comment, although it's not altogether the truth.
No matter what happens in our lives, we will all tell and be told lies, mislead others, withhold the truth or be outright devious and underhanded. There's not always a nefarious reason for it though, sometimes we might just lie to keep a secret from a loved one about a planned birthday surprise or some such thing. I know people who say they never lie, and when they say it, they're actually lying and I make a mental note to chalk up demerit points on their tally of trust. But the lies, we tell aren't always damaging, sometimes they are positive and productive.
I guess it's important to remember how difficult it is to create a good reputation in life and to be seen as trustworthy, and also here on Hive for that point. It takes consistency and effort, and many, many of the right actions in a row. It doesn't come by chance and the ethos of entitlement, that's so prevalent in society these days, doesn't actually entitle a person to trust, respect or a good reputation at all. It's got to be earned.
It's also important to remember that, after all that consistency and effort put into building trust and a good reputation a person can lose it all by one single act. I've seen people do it in the real world and in the online world also. The interesting thing is it's highly likely that if a person does it online, they almost certainly do it offline in the real world.
What are your thoughts on truth and trust? Have you have experiences on or offline in respect of either or do you have a general opinion? Feel free to comment below.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
Any images in this post are my own and are not for your use.