Week one - ✔️
Josie, how come you're not struggling? I thought creating a new habit was supposed to be challenging and all. - I hear an imaginary friend asking.
Well, since I've tried to establish this particular habit countless times before, sustaining it for a week and a half or so for me would still be in the "My Normal" category.
Thus I'd suspect some more kicking and screaming from my body either by the end of week two or at week three at the latest - as that would constitute "a new territory" for me.
If (provided scamdemic excuse still holds for working from home)/ When I return home-home for winter as is "the plan" (don't laugh at my plans, they are only tentative), well, that is going to be a WHOLE different ballgame as there's the added stress of not wanting to be a nuisance..
You see, my family would have to create a new habit as well, as they have never considered me as someone that would wake up early.
You know how you default back to your previous habits just because you're in the kind of environment, where you are not expected to be the "new you".
In fact, the new you might get ridiculed because people who you have grown up with think they "know you better" - so there's this whole new metalevel of building not only your own habit but molding the perception of the others and being bigger and stronger than the environment.
Be the yogi, hold the pose. For as long as necessary. Do not adapt to the circumstances, make the circumstance adapt.
And then there's still the winter aspect.. the darkness. Yes, I still have to sit some more with the darkness. It's tricky, it sometimes puts me into the freeze more, you know, as in fear responses - fight, flight, freeze, befriend.
It's that deep ripping open of the consciousness aspect of the darkness that can at times be too overwhelming, so much so that I sometimes notice myself disassociating. Now I know that the reason for that is my lack of groundedness and I really have to look into that, otherwise, well, the reality might start to get glitchy. In a horror movie kind of way. And I'll be able to say hi to my long lost shadow peeps. xD
Sometimes I wonder about people who willingly watch scary movies.. I mean, don't their own brain provide enough of such entertainment? Or is it just me? xD
I remember seeing a trailer for a scary movie depicting the shadow people and thought, hey, it's not just My imagination then, the phenomenon is shared. Now getting on Youtube to find that particular trailer, I see that it is now littered with that dark and scary energy.
I'll have to see what I can do to reintegrate this..
But that will ask of me to lean into those fears, and at the moment it feels like a bit much to ask of me after Day 4, but the energy is persistent and insisting. I'd gladly take the mosquito meditations back instead, but I guess that's not how this works. xD
Saging and banishing is not an option, well, it would be if I cared only for my own egoic ass, but this needs integration, so inviting, leaning in, being present and loving.
*Sigh*
Hey, you're only presented with what you can handle, right? :D
If I mystically disappear into the nether realms, then you'll know it was too much to handle after all. Sometimes I really wonder why I signed up for this.
~Josie~