Another post title of mine that would be better described as a bloody cryptic clue from a crossword no-one's ever heard of!
I guess I'd better start explaining this random weirdness that I tend toward before you reach for the bloody mute button, right?
Let me make a promise I hope I can keep for once. It's 1AM and I am getting pretty tired so let's see if I can treat you to a short post for one night only, hopefully one that doesn't see me lose you repeatedly by writing crazy long run-on sentences with a snarky British flavour that does nought but confuse everybody (including me).
Yeah I hear ya, I'm not bloody optimistic either!!!
So 2021 has in many ways, not been what you might call a great year for me. Despite my protestations that I am gonna be fitter at 50 than I was at 40, one of my longest held goals I have had diagnosis after diagnosis this year.
Despite trying to believe deep within my thick skull that I am a 21 year old kid who's "still got it", reality kept rearing its bloody ugly head this year. I had several lengthy periods sick from work for one mini crisis or another.
The biggest setback of all was when lengthy investigations in to some difficulties of a respiratory fashion I was having were finally narrowed down to my having developed C.O.P.D (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease).
This was a bit of a shocker tbh as my partner and I have watched loved ones be taken too soon on both sides of our respective families. We have both sat and held the hand of a relative each as they took their last laboured breaths because of this insidious condition.
You will, if you know me, be aware that I am never looking for (and actually get a bit squeamish with) sympathy and understanding, never did really learn how to respond to those things that just make me feel awkward lol.
Here's another reason you should keep any actual sympathy for someone who deserves it more...
This lung condition is caused or at the very least exacerbated by smoking. Here's the kicker...
Dumbass here is still smoking!
I know, right? Some idiots just will not be helped! My lady and I have both pledged to ditch the cigarettes by end of year... Oh that deadline is looming rather bloody fast now isn't it?
I also developed a hernia in my stomach this year, not the most practical of body accessories to be adorned with when you work 12 hour shifts doing a manual factory job.
Oh did I forget to mention that my diabetes has been wildly out of control for a long, long time now?
If my body was a ship, it would not be the QEII
Yup. I am under review fairly often and have had my pills increased 3 times now so that I am on a hefty dose each day just to try and get my blood sugar factory treading water.
That must be par for the course though (increasing pill dose, I mean) as at the turn of the year I was taking an iron tablet each day, now I am taking 4, yes getting oxygen to circulate correctly through my blood has proved to be no mean feat, as well as the constant uphill battle with anaemia...
I bloody love this getting older stuff!
There are as you can probably imagine in a body that is struggling in so many individual ways many other smaller things going on that are taking their toll on this big Steven shaped residence that houses them all.
The general premise being that when the body must focus on fighting whatever is todays 'most pressing' fire, the other conditions are allowed to escalate and the body becomes a more toxic, sick environment than it was previously.
You can probably imagine how many infections have overwhelmed me this year as my body has been otherwise occupied trying to achieve some level of health equilibrium.
Chest, ear, throat, foot, sinus, skin, rinse and repeat.
I used to get an incredible cathartic boost from spending time among my Hive-Friends, writing seems to have an obvious net positive effect on me and striking the keys with anger, joy, conciliation or whatever cause the day holds, seems to give me a dopamine boost that makes me feely royally epic.
But then came the migraines and the pretty commonplace sight of me wearing "these" glasses...
Yes I do look like a complete idiot in the "heat" of a British winter!!!
I'm sure this helps you realise why just as I see to get my Hive-Train back on the tracks and running nicely why I need to step away and recuperate again.
Thus I lose the very much needed psychological boost from writing and engaging, the dopamine well dries up and I feel even bloody worse about my situation again.
Yeah, very observant Dear Reader, the title did refer to "Overflowing With Seemingly Misplaced Joy."
I'm getting to it, I promise.
This may sound like I'm dwelling on the situation, far from it. Like I said earlier, I do not seek or accept sympathy or indeed feel any of that insidious self sympathy, especially as long as I remain a dumbass smoker and actively contribute to my toxic inner environment!
My work, which every-bloody-body on Hive knows I detest, changed for the worse this year, we had a radical change to the shift pattern we work which slashes my recovery time in between my work cycles.
Ergo my health suffers even more...
The idiot top level management increased all of our factory outputs by ... 40%, because we were achieving our old targets... Maybe increase a small amount if you so wish, in a managed, incremental manner overseen by people to observe the process...
Nope! They didn't even leave the office block and come view the effects of their foolish increase from the "shop floor".
Minor, minion level supervisors try and push the creaking work-force to try and achieve the impossible, causing more wear and tear on the bodies of the plebs who do the manual work.
It's become pretty high intensity, faster, more individual actions and more injuries, strains and detrimental effects to the workers
Ergo my health suffers even more... Bloody perfect, right?
Oh and what time of year do we find ourselves in?
Cold, wet, damp, freezing fog, snow, rain, wind, ice... Did somebody mention colds, flus and viruses
As well as the things I have detailed thus far, we have had some very complicated family challenges this year, things I may well detail another time when the events are a little further back in the rear-view mirror.
I had some other health things that I did not feel comfortable getting in to right now. I imagine they will be relevant and I will be happier to discuss them in the new year when time, space and perspective are more readily available.
This in another year of lockdowns, farcical news stories, political decisions and bloody government and NHS hypocrisy and ridiculousness. Sometimes the pressure that you feel weighing down on your chest is approaching breaking point and you simply don't want to acknowledge it.
We found earlier in the year there was a £10,000 shortfall in my daughters University fees at a similar time to some massive financial upheaval in our families collective life.
I could detail more about why this has been far from the ideal year for our household and indeed I bet many of you will sympathise as you may be going through some pretty major life stuff too. The whole "global situation" doesn't help at all, does it?
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The last factor that is affecting me right now is my work rota for the coming week. I am off work up to and including Wednesday. Then I work:
23rd - 7am - 7pm (dayshift)
24th Christmas Eve - 7am - 7pm (dayshift)
25th Christmas Day - 7pm - 7am (nightshift)
26th Boxing Day - 7pm - 7am (nightshift)
The following week I will return to work on New years Eve followed by New years day,7-7 days then 2nd and 3rd Jan 7-7 nights again.
This will all be 12 hour shifts at a single time rate of pay, fabulous eh? I bet you didn't realise that vegetarian/vegan food production was such a massive emergency did you?
I accept the shift rota, this is the nature of being a shift-worker, but I feel that in some way I am not being there for my family, as if I really have a choice lol.
So, things in many ways could appear bleak, right?
But I feel bloody awesome right now!
I feel very festive and loving towards everyone I encounter.
Of course the holiday season is a factor, of this I am certain. I will get round to sharing my home Christmas decorations in a post this week. The health stuff is abso-bloody-lutely top of my list for immediately post-Christmas. I'm not entirely sure how I beat the whole smoking situation, I will update you on my chosen strategy next week.
The financials will be in need of a radical overhaul come the New year anyway, this has been apparent for some time and I believe I have already formulated a workable, semi-flexible plan to ease our burdens in this regard.
I have covered my work locker in permanent marker with the date 19-09-2022... This is the day I turn 50 and I would dearly love to be in a position to quit this hideous job by then or significantly change my role within the company. I would however, consider a compromise of taking up a part time position whereby I reduce my hours by 50%. Right now this simply would not pay enough for us to meet our expenses and survive, but I have 9 months between now and then.
Besides I have the very best reason in the world to do well, these guys;
Oops! I have no idea how that final pic crept in there!!! 😉
I intend to take on some training on how to develop some proper writing skills next year too, as I dream of being able to earn a decent chunk of my income from that avenue next year. Not from Hive but from some other writing platforms, I will share the details with you and also my experience, income reveals etc... In a shiny new year.
Having some time to share with you guys in the Hive has had a massive impact on my "feeling" of wellbeing these past few days too. I miss this outlet massively when I am unable to engage for at least a couple of days each week.
I hope to once again find a way to work the blockchain in to my daily routine so I am able to stay fairly consistent. I need new internet, and a couple of techie bits and pieces, this is crucial and must be addressed in January as a priority.
I'm hoping to share a Christmas post this week before I re-start work but in case I am unable, let me wish you all a very merry Christmas and perhaps even more importantly a 2022 that sees you reach many of the goals and targets you have set for you and yours.
Thank YOU for taking the time to read my post and if you're one of those amazing people who like to hit the comments section... Then I doubly thank YOU!
Either way I want you to know that you are appreciated!
