...dear diary, the weekend started on a chilly note and the overlooked laziness that comes with it has me between my duvets past two in the afternoon. The coffee mug standing on my lamp desk can attest that I have been up since three am though.
As I pen these thoughts, the mind keeps dashing back to a conversation that was ongoing at some point during the same hour and some part of me can't help but feel both powerless and to blame. I would want this to be my inner critic and parental responsibility being 'unfair' but my decisions in the recent part are turning out to be extra costly.
And so for the entire morning, I immersed myself in learning more about how to fix salvageable mistakes and how not to make conspicuous ones in the future. The harder pill here to swallow is the humility it takes to correct my ego and to remind myself that in my oversight lies the courage that it took to try.
Interestingly, everything I have been blindly searching for is within reach and surprisingly, I have always been in the same space looking for the exact information. I remember asking a few people and getting vague answers. Everything about their attitudes clicked this morning like every time you learn something that has been right under your nose.
The agony of feeling stupid whilst wondering why didn't they just point my naiveness toward the solution they already held has been weighty. Like yes, I know that I have to feed myself but it wouldn't hurt if you showed me how you catch your fish.
I know it also sounds like I now have a clue how to go about this inviting opportunity but I don't know what I am getting myself into though I am glad to have collided with that revelation earlier today. And based on my familiarity with the same plus the awareness that for everything to work, I just need to commit, I can't help but be excited.
I have shamelessly cashed in my ADHD tendency -of starting other projects while the unfinished ones are lying around in the corridors of my unsettled mind begging for my attention- card to dive into this potential distraction cum my retirement plan with a 'clear' conscious.
I am hoping that I don't run out of motivation before I make sense of the pilot points of the complexity of the subject at hand and that my interest in financial freedom will keep tethered at the centre of it all.
For years, I have sacrificed my time for causes that had nothing to do with my life (and it is not that I regret any of it) but like the late bloomer I am, the realisation that I need to put myself first in this aspect like every other so I can be of better help to others has finally touched base on my misplaced priorities.
Speaking of prerogatives, I need to get some air and fresh vegetables for the reflective weekend. Have an amazing one 🔆
...wambuku w.