Ever Had This Feeling?

People often feel like they’re under quite a bit of pressure. That pressure to look good in public, show our best side, fit in with those around us. All because of the feeling that others are judging you.

I think Rockwell said sang it best:

Banger aside, this feeling is called The Spotlight Effect.

What Is the Spotlight Effect

Let’s start with a simple fact:

You’re inside of your head 24/7, just like I’m within mine.

During every moment of the day you can hear your own thoughts, face your own insecurities, reminisce about your experiences, think about your goals and so on. Helped by the part of your brain we can call the ego, your mind creates a particular feeling:

The idea that you are the center of the world.

Or at least, the center of YOUR world.

The Spotlight Effect is the cognitive bias by which we VASTLY overestimate the amount of attention that other people are paying to us. We can often feel (social) anxiety because we fear other people’s opinions.

However….

As with all biases, our interpretation is far away from reality!

The Superhero and Helpless Victim 6

Let me put it like this:

Because we experience everything from our own point of view & live inside our minds, we become the superheroes of our movie. However, the reverse is also true: Other people are also the heroes within their movies.

Here’s what the Spotlight Effect does:

“I’m the superhero in my life, so everybody must see me like a hero too, right?”

In reality however:

You are nothing more than an unimportant background character in everyone else’s movie titled “Me”.

Please read that sentence 2 or 3 more times!

Really let it sink in!

“You will stop worrying about what other people think about you when you realize how seldom they do. (As well as how little they care and how quickly they forget).”
David Foster Wallace (text in brackets added by yours truly)

Let’s Play a Little Game

One of the concerns I hear a lot is worrying about “what will strangers think about me when I’m going on with my business?”. (grocery shopping, walking the dog, etc.).

So, let’s play a little game:

I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of strangers in the past week. What I would like you to do is think about 3 of them and clearly try to recall their looks, where you saw them and what they were doing.

Notice what most likely happened instead.

Chances are you’ll only get a partial visual at best.

That’s because our mind automatically filters all information you collect during the day. To your mind, the people you pass on the street are just labeled “Unimportant background character 1, 2, 3, etc.” and your mind doesn’t really bother remembering the information.

That’s what others do to you as well.

To them, YOU are the unimportant background character.

The Most Liberating Mindset

You can take this news in 2 different ways:

The first is to wallow in self-pity, feel sad and tell yourself that nobody cares about you at all. You can play the victim and put yourself further down than any other person ever could.

Or…

You can take this to mean:

“I’m free to be myself! To try, even if it means failing. I can let my quirky side shine, aim for that goal, fail and come back stronger and finally be ME! Even if the “worst case” happens, nobody cares nearly as much as I do!”

Crippling insecurity or total liberating freedom, your choice!

Relax, take a deep breathe and start living YOUR life, not the front that you think other people want to see you from you!

Hope that helps you in breaking free from this fear of criticism!

Cheers,
Maikel

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