Being a parent, in my opinion , is the most important role/job that I will ever do. It is at times so rewarding and at other times exhausting. It's also, not easy to watch your children struggle with something. Us parent's have this instinct in us, to want to fix things for our kids. But to be honest, we are doing them no favours if we do. Especially the older they get.
My eldest two are 13 and 9 (soon to be 10) and they are both so different. My eldest has such a great group of friends, that she see's quite regularly. There are always sleepovers and outings being organised. My second daughter, has been more of a loner. Not by choice really, there are just less girls around, that are her age.
She really looks up to her sister and when her friends are around, she tries her best to hang out with them also. Even though there is only 3 and a half years between them, at this stage that is quite an age gap. My eldest is now a teenager and with it, is the desire to talk about things that are not suitable for her younger sister.
So I try and explain this to my middle daughter, but she ends up feeling left out and lonely sometimes. I have found that really difficult to be honest, but what can I do. We all have our own path in life.
I have tried to introduce her to other kids her age, but she really didn't want to meet them. So I had to let it go, this is just how it is for her.
Then this summer, a friend of mine had some friends visiting from the U.K and they have a 11 year old daughter, who really hit it off with my daughter. She was here for 3 weeks and they spend so much time together, going to the beach and pool parties.
In that time, I have watched my daughter blossom as she has gained so much more confidence, in everything that she does. Before this, she would rarely go anywhere without me, but now, she has been going out a few times in the week, with her new friend.
Like I said earlier, it's hard to watch our children suffer, as they find their way in life. As much as I would have liked to find a way in which to help my daughter, I realised that it is not my help that she needed. And plus, she was not really suffering as much as I thought.
We have these ideas that our children should socialise a lot, but what if your child is not comfortable in social situations.
My daughter has been attending a creative space three days a week, where she gets to be with other kids her age and older, but she would mostly spend her time doing art with one of the facilitators. Something that she chose to do.
We need to move away from this idea, that our children need to behave in such a way, that is deemed acceptable by society. I was a bit of a loner myself when I was her age and to be honest I don't really remember struggling with that.
But yet, here I was as a parent, worried that my daughter was missing out on something, when instead she was just waiting to meet the right person to connect with and that in itself is such a valuable lesson in life.
I have been unschooling myself for quite a few years now, even more so, since becoming a parent. To this day, I still find myself doing things and responding to situations how I was conditioned to do.
When our children are born, we hold on to them so tight, doing everything we can to protect them. But as they get older, it is all about loosening that grip and letting them go.
Letting them go, so that they can carve out their own way in life and not the one, that we hope for them. Letting them experience life in all of it's wonder, pain and glory. We just need to be present for them, to support them, love them and encourage them.
One of the most surprising lessons for me, was how doing nothing, is sometimes the best thing to do. To just let go of this need to help and instead just trust in their ability to learn and help themselves.
