I was pissed as hell, so I wrote a piano waltz.
Last night, I had a very long and interesting conversation with a good friend of mine - Abigail(I call her Abby for short) and we were talking about emotions.
You see, Abby generally isn't a person who cares much for excessive or unnecessary displays of kindness, politeness, and or affection. Ha! I often refer to her as:
'The girl who is Allergic to kindness.'
Yeah, I call her that every now and then because she was always so damn cold to people! She hated when people, especially boys, would treat her so politely: when they would say cheezy things to make her feel good about herself, when they would compliment her for no particular reason, and especially when they would try to advice her in an ethically inclined sort of way. Yes! She despised all those goody two shoes antics and often her reply to those type of people would be:
Faker or Simp
You know its this type of behavior of her's, that me wonder how we became very good friends in the first place because my personality was basically everything she hated in people. But somehow, someway, we managed to hit off. I just hope someday she would realise that not all people are fakers or Simps.
Anyway, getting back to the main idea of this post, I mentioned something about I and Abby's earlier conversation. Yes... that was what made me so angry that I had to write a freaking Waltz!
You see somewhere during the conversation we had about Emotions, Abby said something which hurt me a little. She said:
Trust me Eche, everyone's just faking it. Nobody's that nice, heck!... no body is even nice at all! We all just faking to make it. Even you my friend are faking it, you're not real! I know you don't really care about me, so you might as well just fuck off while you still have the chance.
My reply:
Ah... i'm not faking it Abby. I like you. Goodbye.
Argh... those words enraged me sooo much because this was a person I had always supported regardless of all the bullshit she had put me through: I am talking about her constant trust issues , her excessive violent and abusive episodes, and even her incorrigible cravings. All this! I have been through with her and so for her to think I was faking all of it? Simply aggravated me.
Now this is were the waltz comes in..
You see, I have this rather weird thing I do anytime i catch myself getting angry, and that's - composing music! Particularly, a Waltz.
Now the key here is not for you to think of the Waltz literally but more, figuratively. Say:
You're on a train and a person accidentally steps on your very white and expensive designer shoes but instead of getting angry, you succumb that anger by distracting yourself with a much positive channel, say a Waltz. You imagine a happy piano Waltz in your mind.
As strange as it sounds, this technique can actually help induce your anger very, very fast! And it doesn't necessarily have to be the same channel as it was with the Waltz. No!.. it can be just about anything really: You can imagine an image of a sky diving squirrel or you can imagine a cat playing the piano, anything at all! So as long as it brings you peace and happiness. And so in my case, it was the Waltz.
So once i started to feel that anger creep up on me, I quickly imagined a happy piano waltz in my head. Oh, the melody was just so cheerful and blissful that I found myself already completely immersed in the music so much so that I had completely forgotten my previous anger.
Of course as a composer, I wasn't just going to let that melody slip away, so I got to my piano and began playing along to the Waltz I created in my head - The Waltz that healed my anger.
Remember, anger is nothing but an illusion of the mind. You must never let it take power of you...
With my anger far gone now, I had a chance to really just reflect on what had happened with Abby.
Hmm... Perhaps I got a tad too sensitive there.
I thought to myself as I began notating the sheet music for the Waltz. It was a simple but cheerful Waltz written in D Flat major and as I notated every note to score, I kept thinking of mine and Abby's relationship...
I know Abby very well and I'm sure she didn't mean all those things she said last night. Honestly, I can sympathize with her. I mean she's been through a lot in the past and I'm sure It's still very hard for her to trust people. Although, I really do wish she would realise how much I care for her.
Ah yes, I am almost done with the Waltz! And I'm sure I will send it to her tomorrow once I'm through with it. Hmm... the music, i feel, contains everything that's wrong and playful about our relationship.
Thanks for reading and keep exploring!
The Pictures are mine :)