We are inundated with dating programs these days. For everyone who doesn't score on Tinder, Happn, InnerCircle and similar apps, there is always 'hope'. On TV here in the Netherlands they have a knack for coming up with something crazier every new season (like dating naked on TV for example). There have been several blockbusters for years, the concepts of which have now been sold to various other countries. I travel around in a campervan and since last year the Dutch public broadcaster has been working on a program that could give vanlife a new boost. Or just the opposite?
We all know them
I am not talking about our forever-single-friends who never seem to stop dating. I am talking about the TV-programs about dating. My favorite those days was 'Temptation Island', originally from the US and started in 2001. In The Netherlands we had our own version with a mix of Dutch and Belgian couples. Always fun entertainment to watch, although you can ask yourself how real is this reality show? This year, a number of former participants sued the Dutch program makers for psychological damage suffered after participating in this program. I think you need some psychological damage before you participate in this program...but that's besides the point. One of the complaints heard was that a participant would sometimes wake up at night and thought she heard her tablet, afraid of new images of her partner at the other resort. For those who are not familiar with the concept: partners were separated for 2 weeks in 2 separate resorts during which they were exposed to all kinds of temptations. With the necessary amount of alcohol and single seducers. If one of the partners were tempted and went too far, these images would immediately appear on their partner's tablet. The program makers gave all the victims of this psychological damage 30.000 euros, but still it was not good enough. As a couple you know the risks of this program and you'd would have seen several seasons as an example. So seductive, but no happy end at at this show...
The Dutchies loved these kind of reality shows, and more came on TV. Mainly related to dating. For example 'Farmer Wants A Wife', started in 2004. Were Dutch farmers (male or female) can expect several dates and see if there is a match, all in front of the camera. Or 'First Dates', originally started in the UK in 2013. Here it's the typical boring setting in a restaurant sitting face to face with a table in the middle. Only the characters can be quite entertaining from time to time. I actually dated someone once, that took part in that show and has a husband and a kid right now, because of this show. It seems that it's not all fake. The last few years the Dutch came up with a new concept called 'B&B Full Of Love'. A reality dating show started in 2021, where Dutch B&B owners in Europe, will have a numbers of visitors in their B&B and hopefully there is something growing between them. During the episodes they can have several dates staying at their B&B at the same time. I never finished watching one single episode, nothing happens...booooring.
Where are we going to?
So far, this post is fucking boring right? You are not waiting for this, correct? Well, some of my vanlife friends, shared the same question recently (I am not waiting for this)...after being contacted by the Dutch public broadcaster. A specific channel came up with a new concept and they are looking for singles willing to take part in this reality show. Last year they wanted to start, but they could not find the right number of participants. I think they don't really realize why a large number of people travel or live in their campervan. One of the most important things with vanlife is? Correct, FREEDOM.
What's their idea? Since last year the producers are searching on social media for people traveling / living in a camper van. A lot of vanlifers show their stories on Instagram, Facebook and Youtube. It's not that difficult to find them. The producers are contacting the vanlifers directly (I've seen the messages from several female vanlifers). They are looking for single vanlifers who are open to date. So far only females were contacted, not one of the single men I know received a message. The idea is that a camera crew is following you and your van for 2 weeks. A number of 4 or 5 dates will join you in the van for a few days. They have to stay with you and sleep in your van all the time. They don't come all at the same time, but it sounds more like some kind of gang bang within 2 weeks. We were discussing this topic in the group of vanlifers and it went from bad to worse...
Bangbus and roadkill
We discussed the concept and the messages of the producers. Do they really expect that we take some strangers immediately in our small 120cm wide beds and share ours way too little space with them? I mean it's not like picking up a hitch-hiker right? So far, we still don't know if pre-selection by the van owner is possible. And what else? What if this stranger needs to do a big dump? They expect us to let them shit next to you and make a decision based on their rotten inner smell? I mean, we love our privacy in our tiny homes. I've travelled a few times with another person in my little van for a week, but after a week you need your space again.
I was imagining how this works and came up with a few suggestions. What if you are in the van with this strange date and she is really getting on your nerves, can you just open the back doors and throw them off the beautiful cliffs? A lot of game-shows on TV have participants falling into the water, if they are out. Why not doing it like this? Or while you are driving, and you are getting a headache from the bullshit crap your date is throwing out of her throat during the ride...do we get a button for an ejection seat? That's something else that getting an ejaculation, but can still feel as a relief. It was funny to see that the single males in the group were quite mild in their fantasies compared to the women in the group. I was probably the only sick mind in the conversation, with my great admiration for horror. One of the women came up with they idea to give the stranger a shovel to dig a hole outside for their own shit. I mentioned I have a survival shovel, that you can use for a lot more interesting stuff if you are done with that horrific date. Although, I guess the horror just starts by then. If we would write the script for this new concept, I wonder what the name would be...'Lovely Roadkill'?
"I can not share all the content that came up in our minds, because it would get me arrested these days :)"
I remember that quite a few people in the past said something about me and my van. It looks a bit though on the outside. Some people that don't live in a van, seem to have certain fantasies (or fears). The period when I was dating, I did not always mention I was coming by van. As soon as they saw me parking, some run off. Thinking I was dragging them into the sliding door, drove them off and rape them for days. Seriously, this was not my thought, some people just mentioned this. Former colleagues saw my van and told me to put stickers on it with 'Bangbus'. Some of you might know Bangbus from certain websites... Funny enough, one of the vanlifers also told me yesterday to put one of these stickers on my van. I said it's a bad idea. Why? My sliding door is broken...
Freedom on wheels
Getting back to the idea of vanlife. All of us traveling by camper van, love our freedom. Some couples and families can handle the small space together, but the single traveling drivers need their space. The thing we love most will not be a number of strange hitch hikers, but our privacy. Maybe the producers need to experience vanlife first by themselves. The only chance to convince a vanlifer for this concept? Give them the most luxurious new campervan, put it in a beautiful tropical location and give us a large sum of money. Not to forget, we do the pre-selection and we decide when we turn of the GoPro for the real action. On the other side, this concept could cause a realization that living in a tiny camper van is not as romantic as all these Insta-influencers try to sell. It could ensure that fewer people travel in a camper van and we will once again have plenty of room for a romantic sunset without the hassle.