We have seen many cases of gun violence where the tragedy could have been avoided if parents had been a bit more responsible and aware of how their kids were doing. I can imagine the anger and frustration the families of victims have felt when parents were not held in some way responsible for such tragedies. Only recently there have been a few cases where parents have been charged following a crime committed by their children.
I truly find it hard to decide whether this is the right course of action or not. However, I do believe that we all bare responsibility for the way we raise our children. We as parents are the ones in charge of teaching our kids respect, responsibility, and all those good moral values that keep us functioning as a peaceful society. These things we must teach not just by words, but by example, kids don't just learn from what they hear, they learn from what they see. We must be aware that our parenting has the greatest influence on the type of persons our children will grow up to be.
Something has changed in the relationship between parents and their children. We have given the government too much say in how we choose to raise and educate our children. Some parents are even afraid to discipline their kids because CPS might come for them and accuse them of abuse. Other parents don't have the time because they're too busy, they might be single parents working two jobs. Other parents are just irresponsible and neglectful, and some people just don't have the skills they need to be good parents. It's no wonder we end up with violent people who have no regard for human life.
EDUCATION BEGINS AT HOME
Before we go to school we learn at home, we learn from our parents. They teach us the basics; how to eat, how to use a bathroom, how to wash our hands, how to listen, how to obey and follow instructions, etc.. We also learn much from our siblings; we develop our social skills and ability to interact with others, we learn about boundaries and how to resolve conflict, and we also learn about unity, love, and loyalty. That's why it is so important to have a wholesome family environment at home because it is there that we learn the basics of life.
It seems that every generation of parents we get becomes more and more relaxed in the way they do their parenting. We've all seen that kid at the super-market that throws a tantrum when mom or dad don't buy what he or she wants, and the tantrum continues, on and on, while the parents just ignore it and let it happen. We see kids being disrespectful to their elders, kids that curse and talk back at their mothers, kids that don't listen or obey their fathers, kids that refuse to do chores or even clean their own rooms.
If our kids are uncapable of good behavior at home or with their parents, what can we expect from them in school?
GUN SAFETY BEGINS AT HOME
Coming from a more conservative background and with uncles that love their guns as much as they do hunting, I've learned to see them in a different light. To me, a gun is nothing more than a tool and sometimes a hobby, it is not an evil "weapon of mass destruction" as the government and some news medias would have you believe. It won't kill on its own nor will it whisper into your ear and convince you of going on a rampage. When we learn this as kids it becomes easier to develop respect for firearms and prevent their wrongful use.
When I was a teenager most kids in my family were taught to treat guns with respect and to handle them in a safe manner. As kids, my cousins were given a wooden rifle and told: "when you learn to treat this responsibly and in a safe manner, you can hold a real one". From a young age we knew of their danger and of the obligation we have of using them responsibly; the gun is nothing but a tool and it should be used correctly and wisely.
I can say, that when we were kids, no one in my family was shot and no one went on a killing spree. To this day we have never had any incident involving both guns and anyone who was taught gun safety. However, we have had three accidental discharges, two of which resulted in non-serious injury to the person handling the firearm. It's important to know that all three accidents involved members of our family who were not taught gun safety at home or as adults. In spite of that, we all grew up with a good appreciation and sense of self-control towards the use of firearms and have never used them in a criminal manner or to harm others. I am convinced that the way we were educated about guns played the biggest part in the way we see them. Nobody tried to hide us from reality and from the world, we weren't lied about firearms and told they were evil. We cannot solve problems with fear, guns are out there and it's always better to be educated about them than not.
ACCESS AND MODERATION
The things our kids see and hear have a great influence in the things they choose to do. We must moderate what our kids have access to, where they are going, who they hang out with, and what activities they engage in. It is not easy work to keep track, but it is necessary in order to raise well disciplined and responsible children. We must set limits to what they do and the amount of time they spend doing it; don't watch violent movies, don't play too much video games, don't eat too much candy, don't hangout with trouble makers, etc..
All this takes time and effort, building trust with our children is quite the task and by far not an easy thing to accomplish. Now-a-days a lot of parents have gotten very bad at this, kids are raised by the TV, educated by social media, and spoiled by violent videogames. Parents give their kids a tablet just so that they'll shut up and be distracted, they'll buy them a computer or videogame console and allow them to be immersed by them for long periods of time instead of spending quality time with them. We must make a great investment of time to get to know our kids and know how they feel, and know what they are going through. We must make sure we are there when they need us the most, when they are at their lowest so we can help them deal with bad times and emotions in the most appropriate manner.
WISE WORDS
Like Jordan Peterson once wrote:
"do not let your kids to do anything that makes you dislike them".
If we allow our kids to act in a way that we disapprove of, imagine how they will be treated by others who have no relation to them, no love for them, and no patience for them. It wont go well that's for sure.
I believe if we don't educate our kids, the world will do it for us, and the world is ruthless. There comes a time when our kids are old enough to understand complex concepts like empathy, and consideration for others. At that time we can use wise words and a gentle approach in the way we educate them. This is our chance to spare them unnecessary hardship because the moment they say or do something to upset someone else, they wont be kind and gentle and this is something we must prepare them for.
PUNISHMENT AND THE USE OF FORCE
Words aren't always enough. I believe that, when it is necessary, we need to apply corrective measures as a way of teaching our children, by experience, that bad actions always have consequences to oneself and to others. Punishment has always been a good way to teach accountability and personal responsibility of one's actions. We can deprive them of an amenity, restrict their privileges or give them extra chores and that usually does the trick. However, I believe sometimes, a bit of force should be used.
I remember when I was a child I pushed an old car tire down a hill, there was a few houses below and by the time the tire got there it was going at a great speed. Out of nowhere a senior woman walked out and the tire flew across her yard just a few inches directly above her head. That day I got a few whips with the belt and a good scolding. I didn't understand the severity of my mischief, but I understood there was a painful consequence to it, I learned that bad actions always hurt weather they hurt me or others, and I never did it again.
Later in life I understood that I almost killed someone that day, something I didn't understand even with the good scolding I got after it happened. I am glad I got that 'ass whooping', the alternative would have been devastating, I would have never been able to live with my self knowing that I fatally hurt someone.
The same I say of our kids, it is better to give them a spanking at home now than having them end up in prison later in life, or shot by police. Its better to teach them now so that in the future they won't hurt themselves or others. Like I said before, the world is a ruthless place and if we don't discipline our kids someone else will.
On another note, let's remember that there is a difference between discipline and abuse, which is a whole problem of its own. We must not discipline our children in anger or while emotions are high, we must not teach them that violence the only way of dealing with anger and emotions, because that's what they will grow up believing. Trauma caused by abuse is one of the most influencing factors when it comes to people committing violent crimes as adults. Most, if not all, mass shooters, murderers, and victims of suicide, had some sort of trauma related to abuse.
We must do better with our kids, we must raise them to be kinder to one another. What we do now as parents will surely be reflected in our kids future, so lets do our best to make that a great future.
If you have read this far I extend my deepest gratitude. If you have experienced the loss of a loved one to gun violence and want to share I encourage you to do so, as we can all learn something new from each other.
Tune in next time, I'll be writing on the subjects of schools and education and how they contribute to the violence we see today.
Please feel free to comment and leave your opinions or questions on this thread. If you have any advice or just want to share, write it below or link to your blog.
Remember Lions, stay safe, stay strong, and stay free!