[Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Blah, blah, blah…you know the rest.

However, in real life, you'd be hard pressed to find a blogging platform that doesn't use at least one of the coercive tactics described in this blog post.

So, sit back and let me explain. I predict you'll be more than a little entertained…]

"AssEnndUp" - Could a blogging platform be more fu€ked up?

On AsseEnndUp, draconian methods are necessary to prevent a replay of the rampant gaming, plagiarism, spamming and aggressive opportunism of its early days.

It worked well - too well.

Members now jump at the chance to identify and punish all possible "Spammer Heretics".

Yes, there are very few good writers there.

But they are so paranoid and gun-shy that nothing is submitted without a "cover your ass" disclaimer.

("Oh JaiChai, I just couldn't put a quote or hyperlink in my post. It won't count as part of the required 80% original content. Plus, I'll be called out as a Spammer!")

The overwhelming majority writers don't possess rudimentary grammar skills.

English as a second language is no excuse.

Their best writers are in the same boat, yet produce quality content.

That's why the gifted writer minority must tolerate awful submissions AND are pressured to upvote the dog$hit posts of the majority in order to maintain "popularity" (translated: support the system of quid pro quo upvoting).

Seriously, the platform HAD to create "U.U." - AssEnndUp University - and tout it as an elite academy for promising writers to mask the real problem of really, really $hitty content.

Of course, this gesture plainly shows their zealots and initiates how "generous and benevolent" the AssEndUp platform is.

Yeah right.

In reality, U.U. is an age old institutional trick called "band-aid training programs". They are expedient, politically correct and side-step potential harassment, ethnic profiling and discrimination charges.

I still marvel at how people on AssEnndUp boast about getting into U.U. and post groveling notes of gratitude to their heroes called "Sentinels".

Its spooky, cult-like culture keeps me on the lookout for the communal kool-aid station.

In less than 35 days, I was accused of not being myself, penalized 100 tokens and hit by roving packs of xenophobic downvoters.

Nevertheless, I have risen over half-way up their 20-level ladder in less than 5 1/2 weeks (record time); but continuing on with a positive attitude takes tremendous energy.

Many times, I thought, "That's it! You can put a fork in me. I'm done."

But now I've decided otherwise - to stay, lurk and watch the bloodbath, smiling from a ringside seat.

Whenever motivated, I still like to post anything - just to make sure the bad guys know I'm still around.

Parting Shot:

To each brave soul who, in spite of losing upvotes, dared to become my friend at AssEnndUp, "Be advised, if I genuinely liked your posts, your talents are being wasted under AssEnndUp's Third Reich!".

Posted FYI.

May you and yours be well and loving life today.

In lak'ech,

JaiChai