WSJ
Political Outsider
US Senator and former co-owner of the New York Stock Exchange Kelly Loeffler is either completely oblivious to the public's outrage of her participation in insider trading or she truly believes her political career can survive without public support.
One could make the argument that she doesn't actually need the support of her constituency, at all, since she was hand-picked by governor George Kemp to fill the vacant Georgia Senatorial position. Senator Johnny Isakson announced his retirement in late 2019 and politically inexperienced Loeffler assumed his place in the US Senate on January the 1st, 2020.
Swamp Thing
Not missing a stroke, Loeffler appears to have made a seamless transition from Wall Street fat-cat to squalid swamp dweller upon her arrival in the District. Diving deep into the depths of the DC back-dealings depot, she snagged a spot at the table of the Senate Intelligence Committee.
Less than a month into her tenure as Georgia's Senate representative, Kelly recognized how her position could benefit most loyal supporters. Her most loyal supporters being herself and her husband, naturally.
Kelly couldn't believe her luck when the Senate Intelligence Committee explained to her that there would be a near catastrophic pandemic that would result in a complete shutdown of the US economy resulting in millions of unemployed Americans who will be put on lockdown.
Kelly almost peed herself with excitement.
She had sworn an oath to uphold the US constitution...
However... she was also duty bound to notify her husband, and coincidentally the CEO of the NYSE, Jeffrey Sprecher of any juicy morsels of information that might help them protect all Americans.
She knew that she was sworn to secrecy and that she must do the right thing and warn... Jeffrey to do the right thing.
DUMP ALL STOCKS!
And maybe invest money in Citrix video conferencing technology, if you think it might be a good idea, sweetie ;)
Kelly has been humbled since she disclosed her modest divestments of only a few million in stocks before the pandemic swept across America.
Kelly! You're being too MODEST!
You'll have to excuse Mrs. Loeffler, she's not one to brag about her keen investment instincts.
As it turns out, Kelly was very wise, indeed.
Her divestment was closer to:
$18.7 Million in sales of Intercontinental Exchange Stocks
Senator Loeffler continues to exhibit the kind of leadership that America needs.
Her no-nonsense, Loeffler first, approach to government is unparalleled.
Loeffler has received much praise from her peers on Capitol Hill and from her former colleagues at the NYSE.
Despite her great personal success, the Senator is mystified by some unappreciative working-class Americans contaminated with envy that are demanding the resignation of the Senator!
She reacted by pointing out that the jealous leeches should have had directed their own teams to invest in a hands of aggressive portfolio. It's really quite straightforward.
Loeffler took a moment to praise the savvy investing of her personal portfolio managers who timed the market perfectly.
As our office has stated time and time again:
We Know Who the Real Traitors Are!
Disaster
Despite Kelly's hard won victory on the stock market and her consummate leadership during the COVID-19 pandemic, the Senator has come to realize that some Americans didn't dump their stock in time!
Furthermore, Loeffler has begun to champion all of the hardworking Americans out there that are on the "frontlines" of the battle to contain the virus.
China Virus
As all great leaders do, Loeffler has joined the fight against the great invisible enemy.
Recently, Loeffler has been briefed once again my members of the Intelligence Committee who are steadfast, well pretty sure anyway, that China is 100% to blame for what is happening to this great nation.
YES!
The filthy communist Chinese...
they planned all of this in a devious plot to subvert America.
They wrecked our economy!
They FORCED our top 50 companies to buyback their stocks for decades, artificially inflating the Stock Market to all time highs ( gotta give'em credit, that part we rather enjoyed).
Then, the Chinese even hoodwinked our companies into taking out low-interest loans and in the process driving fortune 500 companies to buyback even MORE OF THEIR OWN STOCK!!
CHINA WILL PAY FOR THIS!
They WRECKED our economy and now... America, well Wall Street, get trillions in non-payback, interest free loans and grants from the administration!
IT'S ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING!
(To those who aren't benefitting hand-over-fist.)
Game Over China!
COVID19 is costing American lives.
We need those test kits!
But none of those Chinese Test Kits that you offered us months ago, or those thousands of masks we said were unnecessary but that we now desperately need and openly pirate from our allies, No!!
No, we're not playing YOUR GAMES, CHINA!
We want free testing kits from South Korea that we can then turn around and charge American citizens at fair market valuation.
That's why this US Senator is taking decisive action to get America back to work!
Average hard working Georgians have responded in droves.
We hear you America!
Let's get America back to working three part-time jobs for minimum-wage, no medical coverage and zero benefits.
You spoke, we listened!
SLOW THE SPREAD!
We can all work together as Americans to slow the spread of the relief fund.
We MUST allow our great nation's most profitable corporations primary access to the relief funds so that money can reach those who need it most.
They're in desperate need of assistance. After all, most of their liquidity is tied up in offshore tax havens.
Deregulate the Food Banks!
We need to get Americas top businesses deployed to take-on this unimaginable disaster in food provisions.
Where there's government interference you can be sure that businesses are suffering and prevented from profiting off of disaster.
We are calling for the privatization of our great nations essential services as the best response to meet the increasing demands of food scarcity.
We're working round the clock to figure out how big business can profit off of the food shortages at our Georgian food banks.
Ask not what you can do for your country but what you can do for yourself!
The Senators and her staff are taking actions everyday to come to the aid of our fellow Georgians and save lives.
Let's work together to get America back on her feet again.
We want to hear your voices America!
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