For many years, I lived a life in black and white. As a child, teenager, and young woman, I was insecure and had low self-esteem. I was bullied. I found it hard to make friends. I was very sensitive. I came from a home with a depressed, pessimistic mother and a very strict father, who argued frequently. I wasn’t happy; I struggled to trust people, and naturally, I was pessimistic, just like my mother. Although I didn’t face major hardships. I lived with my parents and my three sisters; I never lacked food or even occasional fun activities, like going to the movies, the park, or the beach. If I got sick, they took me to the doctor. My basic needs were met. But I felt a deep emotional void. Neither my mother nor my father was affectionate.

Even though I was a very shy and sad person, I was lucky enough to meet good friends along the way, who were kind enough to love and support me just as I was. My best friend in elementary school, Stella, was—unlike me—a very cheerful and popular girl. But for some reason, she took a liking to me. We always talked at school and studied together, even though she didn’t understand why I was so pessimistic. And I would say things to her like: “Why should I be optimistic if I don’t like most people? My parents are always fighting, and at school they make fun of me.” Stella’s mother married a Canadian man and they moved to Canada. She was the daughter of divorced parents.I didn't see her again for many years.

In high school, I was part of a group of friends, even though I was still very quiet and pessimistic. Recently, I reunited here in Spain with two of those high school friends, Luis and Cori. It was such a joy. Cori is one of those people who brightens your day. She always has a smile on her face and a positive attitude. Although I suppose she has her struggles sometimes, just like everyone else. Over time, I’ve learned to really appreciate people like that, and I like being around them. Here’s a photo of me with Luis and Cori.

I have to say something important: not everyone who smiles is positive; some people use their smile as a mask, but deep down they’re pessimists. Like my ex, Alfredo. Alfredo seemed like the life of the party, but then I discovered when we were together that he was actually always complaining, just like my mother, and seeing the negative side of everything. It was very disappointing. I ended up distancing myself from him. That’s how I feel today about pessimistic people. Ever since I managed to change my insecure and pessimistic mindset, I no longer like being around people like that. I prefer people who share my current vibe—the positive vibe. Sorry.

In addition to having friends my own age, I’ve always enjoyed talking with and learning from older people—people like me now. I’ve learned a lot from them. Perhaps it’s because my parents weren’t young when I was born; my father was 45 and my mother was 37. Well, for me, anyone over 35 isn’t young. I was incredibly lucky to meet older teachers and friends in the worlds of art and literature—exceptional, intelligent, kind people who helped me trust the world around me more. I was especially drawn to them if they were good conversationalists. They helped me develop a more positive attitude toward life.

My Buddhist friends, with whom I meditate, also helped me a lot to change my mindset, to focus more on positive things and not give too much importance to the negative. At the end of the day, life is full of challenges, things we like, and things we don’t like. It’s full of good people who offer us their support and affection. And it’s full of people who do the opposite—who make things difficult for you, who hurt you, who make you feel bad. There are situations and people you can’t change.

So, the healthiest approach is to focus on the good things life gives you and be grateful for them, and when the bad stuff comes along, try to handle it as best you can. Don’t think that everything is going to be bad forever. It took me many years to understand this. But now I’m more positive, and I try to surround myself with people who bring positive energy into my life.