The answer is what defines friendship. There are quite a few answers, of course, but only one way that makes the difference for me: Encouraging honesty. “You’re singing out of tune, you can do better.” As an example, for a musician. For me, after giving my best to the high pitched part in Creep and later in What’s going on, one of my best friends told be: “That was so much fun! You sang horribly, my ears bled, but it was still great.”
Accepting the other as the other.
Loving the other as the other.
That is friendship for me. There as been a change in me considering that definition in the last 10 years. I think I defined “friends” a lot as how aligned they were to my values, my convictions, my opinions. Now, it seems like it’s quite the opposite in the last two. Values, yes, there is no friendship without having a similarity in what importance we give to which value. On the other hand, my own convictions and opinions on how to shape society by what I deem valuable are sometimes wildly different from those that a friend of mine proposes. We have a similar balance of values, yet our take on how to turn the sub-optimal situations we’re currently experimenting into universally beneficial ones couldn’t be much more different.
Trust me.
Friendship is not so much about who is what and how, but about being open about it. Not that new-age fake open, but the real one. Being able to show the worst me. Knowing that it’s the worst me. Showing all my fears and insecurities and confusions and shortcomings – and being met with a “I can work with that. I’m different, but no better.” Being open like that generates trust. It’s easy to accept the good of everyone, party hard, have fun. But facing the dark, immoral sides, and being able to say “that’s you, but it doesn’t define you”?
I know what to expect from you. And what not.
That’s friendship. Knowing each other deeply enough to be very aware what the other is willing and capable to do, and what not. Not some romantic idealization like “a friend always has to be there for me!” That’s egocentrism. Conquering the other. Either you’re there for me when I need you, or you’re not my friend.
Friends for this, friends for that.
It’s hard to find real friends. And for me, it’s not done with one or two. As my definition of friendship dictates, I need to cover all the jobs. Who to steal horses with, who to bury corpses with, who to moralize with, who to improve with, who to philosophize with, who to save the world with, who to fight the world with. I’m too much of a personality to burden only one soul with. Maybe a buddha could take me on. But I still have to meet one, though I have a candidate.
Not me.
That’s a friend. An individual that I can accept as such. Too many people project their expectations onto others, and are then heavily disappointed when the others act by who they are, and not what they’re supposed to be according the expectations that the people created out of a mix of shallow understanding and the omnipresent and search for a connection, being open to artificially creating said connection through denying the other of being such, but instead creating an image of that that fits the “We’re best friends forever!” narrative. Out of necessity, not reality.
The perfect friendship is an ideal balance of harmony and dissonance.
We need that honest feedback from someone that loves us despite our shortcomings without turning a blind eye to it.
P.S.: Think or do - that's the difference between Ringo and Joe. I personally prefer Joe. With each day looking at this sad world, I care less about the thinking, and more about the doing.
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Post written for the #weekend-engagement by 
This is my response to:
4/ A few close friends or many acquaintances? Which do you feel is better and why?
5/ What does friendship look like to you and why? Explain with examples.
Thank you for reading!