Probably the reason I left my parents' house so early, on a Sunday at almost dawn, in the middle of dawn, is due to anxiety. I've had some strange days when it comes to handling that emotion. I needed to take a long walk. It helped me to clear my mind and to stabilise the uncontrollable. Sometimes sacrificing sleep is worth it. Even more so, when I came across an even more pleasant surprise: finding the little town all alone. It was a little overwhelming and a little creepy, but it was just what I needed.
Sometimes, being a bit Shrek is okay. I don't know if you know what I mean, but I'm not always in favour of being "cool" or "giggly" with everyone. Occasionally, I come out of my soul to be quite unfriendly and distant. I wanted to be alone with myself. I didn't even expect the sun and the shapes it reflects on the road to surprise me so much. Honestly, I took my mobile phone with me just because I have my Spotify playlist on there and I was also craving a good dose of 2000's new metal.
So what do we have? Well, a girl in her late 30's, with a bit of a bad temper and above all, a need not to interact with anyone for the next 2 hours and 30 minutes. So I did a ride of almost 5 KM there and back. I sweated, I squeezed my body to the max, I forgot about everything, and I decided to return by the main road to my parents' house (where I decided to spend the weekend, together with my daughter).
If I saw 3 people, I would say I would be exaggerating. It's a strange combination, you know? I mean, having a physical need to do some exercise to improve your mental state, but at the same time, having that feeling of vulnerability of being totally alone (on purpose) so early in the morning, on the day of rest for most human beings. It's spring season; which means the sun breaks over the landscape at about 6:30 a.m. By 5:45 a.m. I was already walking. It wasn't totally dark, but I could sense that dawn was just minutes away.
Remarkably, the mist adorned the horizon of my route a little. A fact that I found both curious and beautiful. There is a certain beauty in the dark, in the shadowy; in the phenomena of nature that we interpret as "cold". The temperature reflected a solid 20 degrees at that hour, visibility was limited but glimpsed without problem, and the weather report announced (according to Google Forecast) rain forecast for 6:45 a.m. Which meant I had a full hour until the clouds did their thing.
Streets in total solitude, a fact that gave me peace. You see, where my parents live, it's a small town; which means the people are very friendly and close. I love that, but there are days, moments or periods where I really feel like being completely isolated and unsocial towards others. What I relate here is a true reflection, an anecdote of what a person can also experience. The main road, which leads from my parents' house to the mountains and passes through the whole village, was empty. Just by looking up, you could see how the water vapour was rising up to the sky, giving the effect of fog...
What caused my obvious discomfort? I have no idea. I guess it's my weakness for getting things done in record time. A common malady of this era. Where things demand to be done ultra quickly? And since it hasn't been like that, maybe that fact has worked against me... Now, was it worth sacrificing my only day off to sleep in for this experience? Well, I think so. Sometimes our mind goes so fast that the body needs to empty that accumulated excess energy. I did just that. I felt infinitely better. Also, in the mid-afternoon, I enjoyed a chocolate and a nap; it made me feel refreshed; better than at 5:00 a.m., just a few hours earlier.
