This weekend was supposed to be my reset period.
After helping my parents pack and move into their new apartment on April 30th, we finished close to 2am on May 1st.
I knew we were not done. I had to rush back home for my little boys that morning, but I promised myself that this weekend, I will go back and finish unpacking with them so they can be fully settled in.
I called to check if they were able to unpack anything. My mum said, "it's still the same way you left it".
I heard it in her voice. She wasn’t angry but just waiting for me to come.
So I had made my plan for today's saturday morning, I was just about heading over there. When my in-laws called. They were already on their way. I wasn't happy about that change although I was aware they would visit next week.Why the sudden shift.
And that was it. The plan changed. I rushed to the market to buy food items to make their favorite soup ready. The weekend hosting, talking, and settling conflicts amongst the littles ones. There was no break nor quiet time. They house was filled with excitement and fun. At the end of day, i was exhausted and no trip to my parents.
I had to inform my mum that I would send someone to finish the work. She wasn't happy but I think it was not only the work she wanted. It was my presence especially
tomorrow being Mother’s Day. I know my mum really wanted us to be together, and I couldn’t make it happen.
So I sent her a thoughtful gift in advance yet not a replacement for being there, but a reminder that I hold her in high esteem and I’m grateful.
Tomorrow is also packed with meetings. My in-laws leaves tomorrow morning too, so it’s been one long stretch with no ease.
Firstborn responsibility is real, especially with my brother’s absence. It feels like if I don’t handle it, no one will. That’s why the guilt hits harder . it’s not just missed plans but it is the feeling of letting my parents down.
It is human to long to be in two places at once and not being able to. So I did what I could. Sometimes showing up looks like sending that gift on time, even when you cannot show up in person.
And sometimes it’s just saying, “I love you, Mum. Happy Mother’s Day.”
The image is myself captured with my phone.