It's A Cultural Thing

I never humored him. Soon as he ran his mouth about a chick out of his league, I Houdini'd the conversation in search of new entertainment. A lot of'em were sociopaths, I just didn't respect the definition back then. A long time friend of mine is a sociopath. Back in the day, five of us were inseparable, he's one of the five. Known him more than 30 years, it's a lot clearer to us now but back then he was just Kay.

He can't tell the truth—impossible. Not in his psychie. His shoes could've cost $50 but when you ask him, he'll say $80 and fabricate a story about a department store that doesn't exist. Can not—impossible. I began keeping him at a safe distance about a decade ago, I've wasted enough time on fabrications.

_{South Carolina}

I wouldn't tell you about the automated McDonald's in a Tel Aviv airport if I've never been to Israel. My idea of fast food is Subway Sandwiches but I gotta be starving and I'll only order a veggie—no mayo. Can't tell you the last time I ate at a McDonald's but I was so fascinated by the push button screens, lack of human interaction, contactless payments, and 21st century chicken nugget dispensers, I pulled up a chair and watched.

_{Ben Gurion Airport}

Pura was telling me last night about a colleague of hers who argued British people are more vulgar than Americans. They were referring to a Black Lives Matter protest sign in England compared to one in America. In England, the sign said:

Careful Now.. Down With This Sort Of Thing!

Same protest, same objective, the sign on this side of the Atlantic said:

Fuck Yo Statue!

_{No fabrication, I witnessed both}

"Have you ever been to England?" He hasn't, "No but my parents are friends with a British couple." She explained her dad was British and how she's spent several months touring the UK and he's wrong. British people are proper and have spent thousands of centuries developing a #Posh way of talking shit, it's great! They've been practicing longer than most whereas us Americans are still rusty. I call it _{little brother} syndrome—younger country starving for attention.

Anywho.. she gave up, "you're right! Of course you know more about England than I do since you've never been there. The nerve of me."

I feel the same way when someone runs their mouth about California and they've never been—strikes a nerve. The other day I was minding my own business waiting for an open chair in the salon here in Tennessee when an old lady asked "are you from California?" I nodded, 'is it that obvious?'

"Well praise The Lord Jesus ya'ain't there no'mo mmkay! We don't get earthquakes'er hurricanes'er nUthin and we're surrounded by gooorrgeous mountains mmkay cuz mo'folk pray in Knoxville than anywhere else so God protects us!"

_{Can't make this stuff up}

Here we go again (I thought)!! She's an old lady, someones grandma, I'm not gonna argue with her so I fake smiled which she couldn't see anyway cuz I'm fashionably disguised as a make-shift surgeon, 'mm hmmm.'

I hear that shit every.single.day and we've been here eight months—240 days! If someone disagrees with gas prices at the pump in Tennessee, "this ain't California!" A 15 minute wait at the restaurant, "where are we, California?!" It's everywhere. 'Hi, do you have Coke Zero?' He laughed, "nope! We don't serve unleaded California crap."

_{Long Beach, California}

Let me show you around, you've never been there.

Spend a week driving between San Diego and Eureka before you write your autobiography. I'll take you through fashion district in Downtown LA, some touristy stuff if you want like Sunset Boulevard or the Hollywood sign. We'll stop in Big Sur off US 1, hit the 101 north to San Francisco, wine tasting in Napa and fresh king crab in Trinidad—nightcap.

_{Eureka, California}

Don't knock it'til you try it. How can someone develop hostility toward a destination they've never been? I've seen a lot of headlines about North Korea, I hear it sucks over there 'bullshit!' I'll let you know what I think but only after I've been there.

Now think of all the negative sources at your fingertips about my country—America. Hive account@bulldog-joy, this is all your fault.

She told me what it's like being German in Europe. Told me about a time she and an American friend of hers plus a couple young ladies from Canada got kicked out of two Swiss bars for being German, American, and Canadian.

Anna, I care _{this much} about heritage finger pointing based on historical events or what Netflix wants me to think. I don't know what it's like being German in EU but you know all that shit about western this and western that not just in EU but societies around the world? That's me they're talking shit about.

Don't knock it'til you try it. I wouldn't explain handling in a Ferrari or what it's like to run one through a cinderblock wall at 200 mph cuz I've never driven a Ferrari. I've never even sat in one, I have no idea how they handle cinderblock walls.

Dear American readers tuned in who despise California and have never been: Check it out first and then tell me how bad it sucks. Same to you non-American readers tuned in who've never been to America but have such negative connotation: Check it out first.

Maybe it does suck, maybe you're right, but maybe you're wrong. If you don't wanna see a buncha dudes in drag, we'll avoid West Hollywood. No stepping over junkies? No problem! We'll scratch New York City. If gambling ain't your thing we'll steer clear of Las Vegas, Reno, and Atlantic City.

But if you like Cajun seafood you should experience dinner at a karaoke bar in New Orleans before you believe what they say about American cuisine. Deep dish pizza in Chicago, that's another one. Mexican food in LA is better than Mexican food in Mexico. There's plenty of stuff to do here, it just gets shadowed by negative press. We got two Disneyland's, I don't care but some people do, Route 66 is here, tens of thousands of beaches and we gotta be the most diverse country in the world—most diverse I've been to. Cultures from around the globe settle in the U.S. just not Washington DC or Texas or Kansas or Utah. Those are weird drive-thru, political, fly over religious states.

We're not that bad, not as bad as they say we are at least. Not everyone's as cool as me but I have that problem everywhere I go. Not everyone's as fulla shit as me either and the women in America, oh man! Breathtaking.

_{🎼 New Orleans 🎹}