Regarding my artistic endeavours, I will say only that my secondary school art teacher, Miss McNamara, frequently exiled me to the library for ‘not making an effort.’
As to my weekend so far, let me just say that it’s been, well....expensive!
On Friday, returning from our daily constitutional, we noticed to our horror that our 7-foot front gate was stuck on open. We tried to close it manually, but being the inept pair we are, we couldn’t prise open the box to the manual control. The neighbours call it a ‘fuck off gate’ if you’ll excuse my Irish, and that’s the general idea. I want no nosy buggers coming around. I’m not a fan of seeking permits from authorities for this and that so I hide behind a big high gate with no intercom//bell, and admission by appointment only.
D’ya know that the Department of Agriculture demand that you register should you keep even one chicken and the local council want you to get permission for a shed in which to house those chickens?…for the common good don’t ya know!
We're off-grid here and since we've had a prolonged period of sunny weather recently, we have to make hay while the sun shines to use any excess juice so the inverter doesn't overload. So on went the hoover, then very quickly off again. With a clunk and a whirr, it died...Dead! Busted! Broken! Kaput! And I only have it for 9 years!
The old and the new
Hoovering be damned, I thought, I'll stick on the washing machine instead. But no, despite me pushing all the buttons and turning every knob, all it did is flash an F06 error at me and refuse to budge.
The offending article relegated to the yard.
Flabbergasted, I went to fetch a glass of water while I called a repair man, opened the freezer and noticed a strange gassy odour, plus the usual temperature of -18 was now -3.
To paraphrase Lady Bracknell of The Importance of Being Earnest fame “To lose one appliance may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose three looks like carelessness.”
Needless to say, I dared not touch another one, but thank goodness for my brother’s comforting words. "Disasters happen in threes,” he said. When I pointed out that there had already been four, he replied "Well it looks like you’re due another two then”
As the repairman said that neither the washer nor the freezer was worth fixing, with my usual efficiency I immediately ordered new which by some miracle arrived on Saturday morning, with the washer coming next week. Jolly good service since I only ordered them on Friday. The gate fixer is our neighbour so that was fixed on Saturday too, so all's well that ends well, but it cost me a pretty penny.
What do you think the odds are of this happening? They surely must be millions to one. Is it a glitch in the matrix? Have I been targeted as a dissenter by government agents using energy disruption weapons? Do I need to acquire a tin foil hat?
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