Ladies and gentlemen, what you see before you is not a broken-down old banger but an entirely unmodified vintage, early '60s classic with all original working parts. As is evident, my bodywork is exceptionally good with a few minor imperfections hardly perceptible to the visually impaired.
I am an individual of great determination and perspicacity and pride myself on always getting the job done, by hook or by crook. I can duck and dive like a pro and have been around the block so many times that I know all the shortcuts and how to use them. I can cook a book as expertly as I can cook an egg...and I boil a pretty mean egg.
I have experience in a myriad of fields and can turn my hand to anything. I will step up and get even the nastier jobs done while others are just putting on their Marigolds, having once been employed as a Zimmermädchen scrubbing 25 lavatories a day.
Speaking 3 languages fluently, with some aptitude in several more, and renowned as I am for my discretion, I make a perfect travel companion or personal and very private secretary.
I have spoken before audiences of hundreds and though I am no sesquipedalian, my eloquent turn of phrase has left many in awe of my honorificabilitudinitatibus.
I grow a superb cucumber, can wire a plug, catch a chicken and do 50 pushups, should the need arise. I sing a rousing version of 'Oh come all ye faithful' and in the right rig-out, on a dark night, I can look a million dollars.
You may regard me as old fangled and dated but, as my mother used to say, 'there's good goods in battered old parcels'. And sure aren't people so judgemental these days. I can tell just by looking at them.
I leave you now to consider my application and whatever you decide, decide in my favour.
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The images are my own
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