"Have you ever been ridiculed for the way you look?" it's a question of the day.
Each of us certainly has, at least once in our life. And some, who were less fortunate, were ridiculed all their lives...
"Words that hurt speak not of the one to whom they are addressed, but of the one who utters them." Serbian Patriarch Pavle
"You were born as a big baby" my mother often told me, when I started asking her at the age of 5 or 6 why I was still much smaller than my peers.
"You made good progress for the first three years, and then you started refusing food. You kept the morsel you chewed in your mouth for a long time, sometimes spitting it out when the person giving you the food looked away... and you started to lag behind in growth."
I was a healthy child, fast and agile as a tern, I guess that's why I often found myself in situations from which I barely got out alive, but I was very small (small in stature).
Throughout my childhood, through elementary school, I was the smallest in my class.
Short and thin, with slightly longer arms and a slightly larger head and larger ears. If there was a race, I always arrived first, I was quite strong for my age, successful in sports (except basketball 😀 ) and successful in studies.
And as such, I found myself the target of not many capable "friends". Some of them didn't like me because I was faster than them, some because they couldn't get a good grade like me, and when those two groups got together, it was hell for me.
The epithet "Big head" did not shake me much, because we had a much bigger friend in the class, with a really big head, so he took that title with pride.
Because of my big ears, some people called me "Klempavi (Big ears)", and I jokingly accepted the nickname Duško Dugouško, as in my country they translated the name of the most famous animated rabbit in the world.
Because of my accuracy in general technical education classes, where in the fifth grade we made all kinds of objects from wood, I was nicknamed "Japanac (Japanese)".
But one of the students went a step further and gave me an epithet that caused me a lot of injustice and grief for the next two or three years.
Japanese Macaques.
Because of the previous nickname Japanese, but also speed, agility, as someone would say - monkeying, I got a derogatory nickname that is related to a type of monkey that lives in the cold mountainous areas of Japan.
With the nickname "Klempavi" which referred to my slightly bigger ears, I soon got over it, as I put the one who made fun of me the most in his place. I did have big ears, but my ears followed my head and were completely attached to my head. The ears of that "friend" of mine were twice as small as mine, but they stood at 90 degrees in relation to the head, like antennae. When I called him "satellite", he never called me "Klempavi" again.
All I'm left with is a Japanese Macaque.
Puberty brought a lot of concern about my appearance, and I was small (at the end of the eighth grade I was only 150 cm "tall" and about 50 kg, along with a derogatory nickname with which I was mocked, I blamed myself for being ugly.
When I stared at a girl and she at me, I began to realize that maybe I was wrong. I stood in front of the mirror, looked at myself and said to myself: "Dule, you have a little bigger head, but two beautiful eyes, full lips, healthy teeth, a beautiful nose and soft, well-decorated ears, if someone thinks you are not beautiful, that someone is not important in your life".
"And that nickname that was given to you, you know it's from mischief, whoever fucks them, let them call you what they want, shake yourself up, take off the burden of restraint, and hang out more with friends who speak well of you and who respect you."
It was the end of sixth grade.
For the next two years, I didn't pay much attention to the ugly the nickname that a few of them called me, I changed the society a little and my life started to be better.
I met up with my old company much later, maybe 15 years later, when one of them mentioned that nickname of mine. Another friend asked me: "Aren't you going to answer him?".
"Why would I do that. Well, life has caused him much more damage because of how he was towards others, what he did to them and what he said to them, than I would now want and be able to hurt him."
Karma is a miracle.
I think that was the last time I heard someone call me that, even as a joke 🙂
But, high school came, a new whitepaper.
Without anyone from my old company, I found myself with 34 other friends in the same classroom. All boys, which is not surprising, for a technical school.
Someone with a big head, someone fat, someone thin, someone with big ears, someone plump, someone with with long hair, some with a short haircut, and of all of them, I am the smallest.
Chance wanted me to have a namesake in the class, so in high school I got a nickname - Mali Dule 🙂
The other one, just Dule but sometimes also Big Dule, to make sure it's not me, wasn't much bigger than me, but still, by the end of my schooling, I barely caught up with him in height.
That nickname "Little Dule" was not difficult for me, and my friends never said it to make fun of me, but only to recognize each other. I was a good student, and I was good with all my friends, because I often helped them with their assignments. Little to me, it meant a lot to them.
Unlike my friends from elementary school, those who made fun of me, and with whom I broke contact, with my friends from high school, I have remained friends to this day.
We met a month ago at the celebration of 30 years of high school graduation, me, little Dule and he, big Dule,
When I jokingly told him, "Fuck you, my friend, because of you I forever remained Little Dule". He looked at me, his eyes were at my height, his shoulders were a little narrower than mine, and he said "Fuck, I was a little bigger than you then 🙂".
It seems to me that I only grew to the height I have now after high school, and as time went by, through exercise and harder physical work, I formed my body, and from a small, small, headstrong, squat kid, I formed myself into a decent figure. Now with wider shoulders, the head doesn't seem so big.
If you are still reading these confessions of mine, here is an anecdote that I told my colleagues at work just today.
A few years ago, I took a (double-decker) bus to Venice. When handing over the suitcase, in front of me, Deki, a friend from high school.
We said our good-byes and settled each in our seat, on the floor of the bus, me in the front, he a few behind me.
And right behind our seats sat a couple, a man and a woman, who are very tall, over 2m.
I, with my 175cm, settled in easily and after the passengers behind me hit the backrest with their knees, I turned to them and received the criticism "Could you straighten the backrest a little?". "I can, it's not a problem", I said and released the switch, "Here you push as much as you want". "Well, this has been moved completely upright," said the man to his wife. "The boy didn't knock down the seat at all...".
I called my friend Deki and asked him "Deki, what did they call me at school?" "Little Dule," he answered.
I looked at these people and told them, "I'm sorry, but believe me, it's easier for you these few hours of travel with long legs, than for me all my life with this nickname".
We all laughed together and continued our journey happily.
As this quote I shared said, bad words and mocking nicknames do not speak about the people to whom they are addressed, but rather the kind of person who is addressing them.
For this reason, do not be rude, vulgar, do not emphasize other people's shortcomings with words, show respect for someone who is a good person, even if he is not beautiful, handsome or not smart.
And the rest of you, who are mocked by someone, just be brave, ignore what they are telling you, find a way to find a humorous side to the derogatory nicknames, like when the students in the Harry Potter series, facing Borart, a dark creature who represented themselves in the form of their greatest fears, were broken by the magical spell of Riddikulus!
Because with that spell does the snow monkey, now in my mind is next to a spring of hot water on some snowy mountain top, dressed in a miniature suit, like the monkey from the fairy tale of Aladdin, and funny like the little mischievous monkey from the movies "Night at the Museum".
Smile at those who try to make fun of you, maybe they will see something in your smile that will embarrass them in that mockery, and maybe they will see a sign of their weakness and think that there is something called karma in this world. And be afraid of the same...