As much as I would like to believe that we are very evolved animals, I cannot help but admit that sometimes, nature takes over once again.
Blame it on promiscuity, or having to live through a succession of confinements, if you are in a relationship or married, there is a big chance that you had a copious amount of time to spend with your loved ones during these dark times.
It's a beautiful thing, when "shit hits the fan", you want to be with the people that counts the most, as they will bring the best out of you...Also sometimes the worst too. 😄
It might start progressively, after spending that much time together, you start knowing each other's jokes, you even try to mirror each other's timing in deliveries, it starts sounding like a comedic duet.
Until that one day when you accidentally crack a a joke that doesn't fly...
And...
Everything shifts into darkness...
"What did I just say? Why is she/he not speaking to me anymore?"
For now I am trying to pretend that this post is unisex, but let's be honest, it will resonate a lot with my male counterparts, because this is how we fuck shit up.
One bad joke. One single badly timed joke, and you won't get laid for a while. Think about it for a moment...Was it worth it?
Let's backtrack for a minute.
She said something about work, you answered something like "eh, I know the feeling" which you don't because you haven't worked a single day in your life, and then out of nowhere, you thought it was a good idea to throw a (pick you poison) joke, and you know she/he hates when you mention it, but you did it anyway, because that's what we, men do (or "women do").
Now, if you're looking for an exit strategy, my advice to you, don't try to crack another joke right away, maybe just relax.
What you're about to do in the next few minutes, might determine your (ˢᵉˣ) life in the next weeks, so you better pick your words wisely, like a thief caught red handed.
The best option, and I of course speak from experience, is to say nothing, approach the wife slowly, one step at a time and follow this exact sequence:
- One step forward
- Two steps backward
- Right hand reaching out
- Deploying left hand
- Surrounding "target" with both arms
- Pat shoulder
- Hold hand
- Breath in
And slowly say the words "Oh I am so sorry this joke was out of hand".
I've just saved your love life. You're welcome! 😄
That time she owned you on the court
I think, we can just all relate, but let's try to understand for a minute, what went wrong. As I was saying earlier, before the pandemic, when you wanted to blow off some steam, you would probably crack these types of jokes to your sport friends, your coworkers, your drinking & smoking buddies, or your worst enemies, but most definitely not to your loved ones.
Woops! Sorry honey, I forgot that you were not my fat friend on the soccer pitch, I meant to say: "do you have the same pant in black?"
Woops! Sorry honey, I didn't realize you weren't my drunk friend from the pub, are you sure you don't want a chamomile infusion instead of a beer? ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ʷᵒʳᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵉᵃʳˡʸ ᵗᵒᵐᵒʳʳᵒʷ
Woops honey, I didn't mean to sucker punch your now all limp arm...
Guilty!!!
You're all guilty of charge!!!
And when I mean everyone is, E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E, even a perfect guy like 
You can't 2-fingers-whistle like she does it
She/he also guilty to let it slide this way. Normally, she says her dick jokes to her girlfriends, but lately she shared it with you, because, her too, she needs to crack these jokes aimed at coworkers, haters, besties, and everything in between, but yeah, the world went to shit, and now you're the girlfriend.
I know you're thinking "but I can take the hair salon joke, I get it", yeah sure you get it bro, when was the last time you brushed your hair?
Listen, the world is comprised in 2 categories of people:
- Your wife/husband/companion/family
- People you dump on.
The world is a big place, you have the entire planet to dump on (don't quote me out of context on this one), you have entire professions made for you to just tell your bad jokes, look at us here on HIVE 😌, this is what we do all day!
Does it mean you shouldn't tell jokes to your loved ones anymore?
No, it means, tell her the best jokes, the ones that you would keep for your standup comedy special, the ones that made you look like a funny guy the first time you met her.
She is your best friend after all, so she'll get it!
ᵀʰᶦˢ ᶦˢ ʷʰᵉʳᵉ ᴵ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖ ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵃ ᵇᵃᵈ ʲᵒᵏᵉ
Normally, my post was finished, I was satisfied with the "she'll get it", I was like "oh yeah, that will federate the entire blockchain, all nodding in unison whether you're a man, woman, and everything in between".
Disclaimer: You're probably a dude, and girls will tell you they can take it (ask Sarah Conor), just remember that wah men are a fragile ecosystem, and your joke was really good on paper we all salute you for your service, maybe change a few words, instead of using the cow metaphor, say flower. Instead of "old rag", just say flower. Actually, replace every bad jokes with the word flower.
