Lossing Beyond The Tide of Times

I wrote this on February 4, 2023, ten days before Valentine's Day, under the light of the moon. I was waiting for the alcohol to wear off so I could become a decent human again. I wrote this in my notes of my phone, and I don't know why it suddenly came to mind, but maybe I just had to release it still.

February 4, 2023. How silly of me to imagine and think about this, but what if it happened? What if Facebook does it again, with their "Memories" feature that gives you a glimpse of what happened on the same date in previous years? Just imagine, what if on February 14th, five years ago, the memories come up, that was our first Valentine's Day together. I'm fine with looking at those photos with no hard feelings. Maybe I'll even laugh at how I looked back then. That's all, just a what-if scenario.

Back to Valentine's Day six years ago, you may not have known me, but I knew you. I was just the guy who was looking at the crowd of people wearing different colors. That day was for a uniform day, but it was given credit as an ordinary dress-your-own-style day. You were wearing pink, and according to the list, pink was for NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth). I was wearing a black V-neck T-shirt, and "Black" was for bitter. People didn't mind me, not asking why I was wearing a black shirt. The truth is, it was the only clean shirt I had. I was just a lazy boy who lived in the male dormitory

Our love story doesn't have the typical fairy-tale beginnings, like meeting on Valentine's Day, being forced into a booth, or a fake marriage, or even a kiss. We just met without even saying "Hi." You were the one who added me on Facebook, and I accepted all friend requests from people whose faces were familiar. That's when I saw you.

We became virtual friends on social media, then strangers who caught each other's eye when we crossed paths, and eventually classmates the next semester. I playfully asked "Why do girls always make the first move?" but no one heard it except for you. You laughed out loud, and as I was feeling snubbed, you came near my seat. I thought it would push you away, but instead we felt closer to each other, until finally I said yes.

Yes, for the friendship, yes for a new life and a new beginning. It's for everything.

Until the next Valentine's Day came, we both knew what color to wear: white, which meant "We don't care about Valentine's Day." Some people thought that if we were given the chance, we could be together, and others even predicted that we would be in the future. However, later they found out that I had set boundaries first: "I don't fall in love with my best friends," and we agreed to keep things that way.

I never had feelings of intimacy for you, also my male best friend had a crush on you. I failed in my mission to bring the two of you together, but that's okay.

Can I call it a loss? When we became seniors, we needed to focus on our thesis since she was in a different department and I was too. We still talked and just greeted each other, but we are not as close as before. I understand that there should be boundaries now, since we are no longer teenagers but adults.

I hate losing a friend. I had always thought that our bond would last forever, but gender made it difficult. So, I admit that I lost her years ago. Then suddenly, she messaged me asking if I was on the bus. I was surprised and first greeted her before asking why. She said she thought she saw me in the bus window, but I was just sitting, looking at the moon last night, trying to fix my dizziness before I went home, for I am honestly drunk.

It's like the lost opportunity has returned. We are still friends, but not best friends anymore, but that's okay. Perhaps a friendly date, but not on Valentine's Day. Haha.

	Hi, eunoia101 is a Farmer, Registered Agriculturist, Agronomist, Farm Technician, Mushroom Cultivator, Entrepreneur, and soon Researcher. Suppose your problems or queries are in any of the fields, don't feel hesitant to comment. We will try to resolve that. Upvote and reblog are highly appreciated.