No electronic devices, no will to live - Gray moment in my life [WE122]

I'm going down like a plane without fuel, I'm past the divorce, my children don't look for me, I have a job that pays little and I don't like it, I live in a place I like less, it was what I could find for the little money I managed to save. Besides, with the divorce, I have no car, TV, or PC, and my phone has broken. What's missing is for the dog to pee on my shoes that already want to die on the sole.

I have fallen to the lowest, my situation is getting worse and worse, I am barely eating once a day and I do not eat proteins or fats, only carbohydrates and in very little quantity. This is the worst moment of my life, my pants are falling down, I have lost weight, I don't know how much but it is significant, this matter is serious.

Being without electronic devices to keep me informed has hit me very hard. I was a man who was very informed about everything, the economy, politics, and social issues in the country and the world, now I am incommunicado, I don't even have a radio to know about the outside world.

Friends have disappeared, loneliness embraces me and this leads me to a state of total depression. I only depend on what others say at work or in the street and it is not always informative or rather, what others do is talk pure banalities.

Despair is great, it does not let me emerge, I am like in quicksand; the more I move, the deeper I sink.

This state of depression and anxiety has led me to turn to that almighty being, to a supreme God, every day and every moment I go to prayer asking for my improvement, to get out of this misery, this sadness.

Many years ago, when I was young, I had to live without electronic devices such as cell phones, but in my house, there was a television and a landline phone with which you could communicate, but now, I can't even read the press, money is not enough to buy it and I live in a country where the dictatorship has ended with the companies dedicated to the press.

I thought these things were only seen in the mind of an author, in the words written in a fictional book, and not in real life like mine.

In my prayers, being almighty I have come up with the idea of approaching religion, I need someone to listen to me, the idea of suicide haunts my mind and that is not good.

Near where I live there is a building, a chapel and I think it belongs to the Mormons. They have always caught my attention, they seem to belong to a very exclusive club, they dress very well and every time I see one, they always have a smile on their face.

Sunday has arrived and I am here, in front of the chapel, I still don't know if I am going to enter, in fact, I don't know anything at all, I don't know what will happen with my life.
Suddenly I felt that they speak to me in a soft voice, it is a girl and she has a small badge on her chest, like the Mormons, and she has very kindly invited me to enter the chapel.
I decided to do it and I let myself go holding the girl's hand. It's the biggest show of affection I've felt in a long time, I've shown a smile, and it feels good to love, no matter that it's from a stranger.

That weekend I received a lifeline, I stopped thinking about suicide and managed to overcome my challenges. Somehow that girl was an angel and rescued me from misfortune.
Of course, it wasn't overnight, it took a process and a lot of tears, but I made it.
Unfortunately, I did not continue with them, there are very personal reasons that kept me away, but I am very grateful for the help.

That weekend, without devices, changed my life. It was time to take off and not fall again, I am in search of my dreams, and a better life and that is being achieved; now at least I can tell this story of my life that was totally gray.

It was not only a weekend without devices, but it also was many weekends of loneliness, anguish, anxiety, and depression, many things were absent in my life, especially love. But my self-confidence returned and that alone gives me the strength to move forward.

We must never give up on our dreams, never give up even when the situation points to total misfortune; there is always a solution.