I have a very niche superpower; I can see the mundane future. I'm sure you've already decided I've got more than a screw loose after reading that, and absolutely, but hear me out.
I was 8 years old when I knew the bus I was sitting on would crash, this paralyzing fear came over me. We twisted and turned along an Alleghany Mountain roadway, dense forest turning everything I could see emerald green. And it happened, kind of. We rounded a corner and the bus lurched, sickeningly, I thought of my Gameboy. I'd never be a Pokémon master!
I squeezed my eyes tight, knowing we ended up at the bottom of a hill, I had seen it so vividly. Like a flash of lightning, the future had revealed itself briefly. Except, instead we sputtered and broke down. Past the steel barrier on the side of the road, I peered down a hill. Below was a school bus, sleeping on its side as the foliage reclaimed the space. The bus I had seen wasn't ours.
I have the feeling that I have experienced the present moment before, or déjà vu, several times a month or more. It tends to be a vague feeling which buzzes on the edge of my consciousness, yet other times it hits me like an ice-cold wave! It has evolved a lot since I was 8.
I had asked and verified across dozens of conversations that people often have this odd sensation. It seemed more or less to be one of those bizarre things which we just cannot explain... Or so I thought. As time went on, I began to find a connection between déjà vu and my dreams.
It started in my mid-twenties. I had decided to sell all my stuff and leave my hometown. For about a year, I lived in a protest camp. Afterwards I just flowed freely for a while. I didn't have any particular plan about where I would go, or what I would do, I just simply was.
I worked on farms, I did hard labor, I took whatever jobs were safe and available when I needed funds. Most nights I slept in the wilderness, I cooked my meals over an open flame... I began to feel very aligned with a sense of purpose. My dreams became frighteningly vivid, I'm sure as part of my mind's readjustment to such a change in lifestyle.
And then one day I had déjà vu, and I remember thinking, "Didn't I dream about this last night?"
Okay, let me back up one step here. I also experience synesthesia. What in the ham sandwich is that? Well, I taste music and smell colors... among other delightful and horrifying things. By dictionary definition, synesthesia is:
The production of a sense impression relating to one sense or part of the body by stimulation of another sense or part of the body.Basically, people have this in ALL sorts of ways. I'm lucky enough to have met one other person with this neurological filter on constantly. She told me that the color yellow tickles her feet, and that looking at turtles tasted like seaweed.
How does this tie into the first half? Well, déjà vu is a kaleidoscope of an experience for me. Synesthesia is the reason for this, and it's also how I figured out that I was dreaming about things before they happened. Now, remember what I said intially, right? I can see the mundane future; I am not aware of a single time this has helped me with anything... ever.
I will be at a restaurant, for example, and I will see a woman in a green sweater enter the dining area, she will look to the left, and I know already that someone will cough on my right, and they do. The feeling of having experienced it before happens as soon as I see the woman, the feeling from my dream will come on at the cough. In this memory, the lights were greasy for a moment.
Surely something cool has happened with these traits though?! Yeah, I can hear people asking now. I think in all honesty the fact they exist is the interesting part, I believe that it is a sign of a deeper human connection below the surface. I've heard other people connect their dreams to foresight, and even on a few occasions directly to the feeling of déjà vu itself. I'm not sure that we all aren't having this experience on a subconscious level if nothing else!
Anyhow, I have one special story, I don't know if it will seem like much after all that, but here goes.
This is a photo of my husband Steve and I, which was taken last fall. He is very literally the man from my dreams. When we first started dating, I got déjà vu constantly!
The first time I woke up next to him, it distinctly was not the first time in my mind. I always felt as if I had been with him before, the way his lips press against mine was familiar from our first kiss. Yet, it was not like other times that I had recalled the present moment, it was wildly disorienting. As if I was recalling things from a past life, not from some connection to the ether.
Sometimes I would feel like I experienced an entire day full of things that had passed already, the closer I got to him, the more intense it got. And, eventually I gave up. You see, I had been trying to fight falling in love. I didn't want to. When my resistance crumbled, so did the mysterious barrier.
It was then that I remembered Steve from dreams, the crazy part is, like REALLY old dreams. Have you ever had something spark your memory of a dream? It's a weird freaking feeling. Well, I began to remember dreams from many years ago, and Steve was in them. I knew then that he was my "one".
What does all of this mean? Who knows. Honestly, I don't even really want to know. It's eccentric and wonky, and it makes my life fun. That's good enough for me. The day that I walked down the aisle to marry my husband, I had déjà vu as my huge dress swept over my feet, and I knew I was walking in the right direction!
